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Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap Paperback – March 11, 1998


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Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap + The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing + Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (March 11, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 9780809229147
  • ISBN-13: 978-0809229147
  • ASIN: 0809229145
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (78 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #46,031 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Bryn C. Collins, M.A., L.P., is licensed psychologist specializing in relationships, post-traumatic stress disorder, families in crisis, and adult survivors of abuse. She has a Ph.D in philosophy.


More About the Author

I learned to be a writer because my parents were great story-tellers. Long car rides were filled with magical frogs, crafty minnows who loved peanut butter sandwiches and dragons who ate chocolate and read romantic fiction. How could I not write?

After undergraduate studies at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, I lived in the Virgin Islands where I had a television show (Pots and Patter on Channel 10) and taught SCUBA diving. I lived in Miami and eventually I ended up living in New York where I bought my pink Selectric typewriter and began to write.
The Coral Kill was first. I was very lucky to find my amazing literary agent, Jean Naggar, who continues to represent me now. I then wrote Making It, Ambition, Behind the Badge, Dr. Beautiful (as Christina Blake), then collaborated with Barbara Atlee on Sacred Trusts and Butterfly Avengers. After that came Eve's Rib and then graduate school to become a Psychologist. Those studies and my practice led to Emotional Unavailability which was published in hardcover, hardcover reprint, soft cover, Polish, Czech and Taiwanese Chinese.

I'm currently still working as a Psychologist with a practice in Apple Valley, MN, and continue to write, working on a sequel to The Coral Kill and a non-fiction work about managing difficult people.

I'm very happily married for many years to Rod Collins. We have three dachshunds, much like living in a house full of cartoon characters. We love to travel, go to Mets baseball games, NASCAR races, Spyro Gyra concerts and interesting places. Life is good.

Customer Reviews

This book was well written and very informative.
ladych2013
Emotional Unavailability by Bryn C. Collins, is an excellent book for everyone of us learning and identifying different patterns of toxic relationships.
A Reader with Gratitude and Appreciation
I read a lot of recovery books to help others dealing with relationship issues and to also ensure I don't personally repeat mistakes of the past.
Aaron Bachler

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

191 of 198 people found the following review helpful By Sammy Madison on July 13, 2006
Format: Paperback
"Emotional Unavailability" fills a big gap in books about troubled or abusive relationships. The title "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them" seemed so promising to me when I was trying to figure out the seemingly inexplicable events of what I had thought was the love of my life, but the book told me nothing of value, so then I read "Women Who Love Too Much". Both books, though female readers seemed to love them, did nothing to explain how someone who claimed to love you could lie to you, steal from you, and abuse and denigrate you to others. The books seemed to blame the victim. I for one would never get together with a man who was abusive. The authors of these books assume that a woman in a bad relationship had agreed to the abuse. This is so wrong. I was seduced by a handsome, loving, successful man who seemed to think I was the best woman he had ever met. Only after I had altered my life course to be with him did the strange behavior start, and in the beginning there was always a good explanation. As my emotional and financial investment became greater, his performance as an emotionally stable person disintegrated. At great cost to myself, I left him, but I still wanted to know what had happened and why. The books I read told me nothing. Only through chance did I read a description of narcissistic personality disorder, and after much research found out that many other women had been through the exact same experience as I had, and that there were books written about such destructive relationships with pathological narcissists. Why didn't the books I had turned to in desperation at least mention the possiblity that the abuser has a personality disorder? "Emotional Unavailability" fills this gap.Read more ›
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76 of 77 people found the following review helpful By Mr. Timothy Egan on November 19, 2006
Format: Paperback
This book changed my life. I had been in the throws of a marriage with an "emotionally unavailable" person for three years when I finally realized the marriage was so extremely empty emotionally that I just couldn't take it anymore. My heart told me this is not how it should be, this is not healthy! I needed answers.

I found this book at the bookstore while browsing through the self help section. When I read this book, it hit home. It was like reading about my marriage and the person I was involved with. It was right on, it answered ALL my questions. To a certain extent, I now wish I had found this book BEFORE I got married. If so, I would have recognized the woman I married was completely "emotionally unavailable" before hand and would have moved on.

In essense, there was a reason why I ended up being married to this person: I became a better person because of the relationship, I gained personal growth, insight, and I learned about myself and what I expect out of a relationship; I found my personal boundaries. Also, I realized I had been in a cycle of dating emotionally unavailable women for about 10 years! This made me wake up and take notice that I too was partially unavailable. I did some deep dwelling on my past relationships and realized my very first love when I was 17 had hurt me so deeply that I had some residue still residing in me that I did not overcome. Being with emotionally unavailable people when you have not dealt with your own will keep you on this cycle. This is talked about in the book.

Having read the whole book in two days, Collins gives pratical advice on how to deal with the emotionally unavailable person. These ideas in the book actually gave me hope that the marriage could be saved.
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153 of 162 people found the following review helpful By A Reader with Gratitude and Appreciation on April 19, 2005
Format: Paperback
Emotional Unavailability by Bryn C. Collins, is an excellent book for everyone of us learning and identifying different patterns of toxic relationships. The author provides excellent examples of these different patterns through his professional experience as a therapist. To become emotionally available, one sometimes need to open up and be vulnerable, allowing themselves to be potentially be hurt. This is the way one needs to do in order to emotionally connect with others to find a content, joyful and peaceful life. When I was reading this book, I can echo the people I have met who fit into those descriptions to a great extent. The Blamers, the Fixers, the Poor Me, the Player, and the Solver... What a great, accurate observation about patterns of people. I also like the way the author who tries to teach readers how to switch from a blaming/poor me position to be the Solver position ("I'm sorry you feel this way. What can I do to make the situation better?") The author also gave a very accurate picture about what therapy can and cannot do.

However, this is my view and thoughts after reading this book. People are not perfect and they never will be. Every one of us carries some sort of a flaw in some sense in handling human relationships. I think sometimes we need to carry appropriate expectations on others. People can be blamers, getting stuck with the victim mentality, the player attitudes. That is just the way people are. Sometimes people exhibit these traits only on certain occasions while others exhibit these behaviors in consistent basis. Some people are worse. They are narcissists and/or sociopaths.
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