Customer Reviews

The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed

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For every undermothered adult child.. The book is for the undermothered daughters maybe but even men in the same situation should read and learn. This book does not make you hate your mother, it just tells you what happened to you and how you were robbed of your childhood and HOW TO get over it.

Having read and treasure/d Cori's book Healing From Trauma, I expected this book to be helpful, succinct, easy to follow, and informative--and it possesses all of these qualities. Regardless of the particulars of your formative experiences or relationsips with your parents, Cori presents knowledge AND wisdom applicable to all who hope to grow from injured children to whole adults. Among other helpful practices, she includes guidance on how and with whom to make up NOW for what you missed THEN and, by remedying deficits, how to be the person that each child is meant to become. I'd recommed it to anyone at any stage of re-parenting or who might be wondering what parts of him/herself need nurturing and/or developing.

I have always carried with me the feeling that I grew up without a mother, even though I had a mother. My mother was physically present (she even stayed at home and did not work most of the years of my childhood) and certainly not a malicious person by any stretch of the imagination. So this was a crazy feeling to carry around with me as an adult. This book confirmed for me that I am in fact not crazy to feel this way, and explained very clearly how and why many daughters enter adulthood with the feeling of being motherless or under-mothered, how this affects them in their adult life, and finally gives very practical advice for how to recover.

This books is clear, well-written, nuanced, and organized. In chapter two, The Many Faces of the Good Mother, it provides a clear, balanced picture of what it looks like when a mother is meeting her child's needs fully (not perfectly!). Other recovery books have helped me to see that abandonment and neglect exist on a spectrum (i.e. just because you weren't left as a baby on someone's doorstep doesn't mean you weren't abandoned on some level as a child). This book helped me to refine my understanding even further and hone in on the specific holes that I experienced in my relationship with my mother--holes that are still affecting how I function as an adult, and how I function as a mother myself. It isn't about blame or resentment, but about having clarity and taking responsibility for your needs so that you can move on. The book is very affirming in telling the reader: if it is still bothering you, then it is still bothering you. It's not over and done with until you feel finished with it. This book is written to help you move on so that you can think about other things.

I found some (not all) of the recovery exercises and suggestions to be a little on the cheesy side, but as I'm by now a seasoned reader of self-help books, I have developed a high tolerance for this kind of thing. I'm sure that different readers will take what is useful for them. As long as the book can benefit me hugely overall I don't mind if it throws out a few suggestions that I'm not crazy about. I definitely rate this book as a very important one in my overall journey in recovery because I firmly believe that there are very important issues specific to the mother-daughter relationship that need to be handled separately. Finally someone did (very gracefully, I might add), and I am really grateful! The world desperately needs its "good enough" mothers, and this book is one good tool for finding your way back to what that means when it was not modeled for you. Really, what could be more important?

I had high expectations after reading "Healing from Trauma" which was very helpful. This book combines clear analysis with practical suggestions for how to deal with deep childhood wounds. As someone who had an emotionally absent mother, this book gave me insights that help me understand what happened to me and concrete steps to help me on my healing journey.

I am impressed beyond words with the Emotionally Absent Mother. Jasmin Cori has integrated and assimilated so many difficult concepts and written about them in such precise and profound ways! I am nearly finished with the book, but I don't want it to end! I have been a psychotherapist for more than twenty years, weaving my way through theories and interventions for those adult clients who were under-mothered as children, and here is everything I needed all along, in one book. I am hopeful that this book will be clear validation for thousands of us who have been waiting years for its release.

I have so enjoyed this book as painful as it has been at times. I finially no now some of the reasons for my difficult childhood that evolved into my Very Painful Adulthood. I now believe I have the possibilty ( with the Grace of GOD ) to heel many of my open wounds. Thanks so much for another oppertunity to Grow.... KB 2011

I've been to two different therapists. One a master's student at a university that focuses on Behaviorism. The other, a VA Doctor who was using ACT therapy. To both of them I actually asked for something like a Rogerian therapy, humanistic.. whatever, just something with emotional connection help and they WOULDN'T give it to me. I knew it was my way. I acknowledge the value of these other schools and methods but Christ! And finally after four f-ing years of searching do I find an actually sane, emotionally competent therapist (parent) who thankfully has written this life saving(for me)book. And shes spiritually competent too(read: Tao of Contemplation). Imagine, I'm having trouble caused by an emotionally absent mother and their going to do nothing but neutral observation, analysis and critique my beliefs!!! What Scientism! In other words "Doctor, Doctor i've poisoned myself somehow. (doctor) oh, well here, take this poison and call me in the morning." wtf. Jasmin Lee Cori has done it right and restored my faith that this country isn't totally emotionally lame. Sorry for the negativity, I just feel telling my situation and feelings would do the book the justice it deserves.