Customer Reviews

The Empty Nest: When Children Leave Home

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Being in the throws of the emptying nest for some time now I have scoured the market for good information to guide me through. I have read many books on the empty nest and didn't realize how insulting they were until I read Shelley Bovey's excellent book. Most writers give the emotional impact of this important trasition a tiny corner in their books and at that not very supportive to say the least. I always felt like they were minimizing my grief and trying to push me out the door without honoring where I really was at. What they are missing is that for many of us all the rest of what they have to say doesn't matter and we can't get there by choosing to - we must grieve our loss first. Like Shelley says, we must look back before we can look ahead. It relieved my anxiety to know that other women had tried this "rush out and explore yourself" advice only to find it all dull and lacking. Now I know that I don't need to rush into all that - I can stay home and sob - releasing the tears as long as I need to knowing that the process will take me where I need to go. I have a whole new life ahead but now it's time to grieve and to feel my emptiness. I'm so comforted. Thank you to Shelley for writing this important book and to all the women who shared themselves within it so honestly. One more thing - the author has done some very interesting work on how this current loss can trigger old losses that haven't been healed. So in grieving this loss we open up and heal old losses that have needed resolution. I find this very strengthening and hopeful.

My third and last child left home 6 months ago. I was utterly devastated, totally unprepared for the sense of loss and emptiness I felt. Shelley's book so dramatically changed my life that I can't thank her enough for writing it. In those pages I founds dozens of women, from all different walks of life, who felt exactly as I did. I felt so validated and normal again. I wasn't going crazy after all. What I was going through, the pain I experienced at the loss of that particular phase of motherhood was very normal. Her book is very well written, researched and full of wisdom and practical advice. This book is a must for any woman or man experiencing a sense of sadness or loss over children leaving home, whether in the past, present or future. I certainly wish I had a book such as this when my first child left home almost 10 years ago. It would have saved me years of doubt and uneasiness that I was maybe over-reacting or being too sensitive about "losing" my children. Shelley's book enabled me to look at the situation, face it and move on with my life. Thanks again Shelley.

I bought this book about two years ago and I've come back to it again and again. Every time I pick it up I'm struck with a new piece of wisom it offers.
I thought I would never suffer from empty nest syndrome -- I'm a college professor with a Ph.D. -- I thought only pathetic women with no life beyond their kids had problems with this. But empty nest syndrome hit me hard when my older daughter was in high school, while the nest was still very full! I searched for information to help me through, but the vast majority was silly ("now the frig stays full longer"), or simplistic ("take up gardening"). I'm so thankful that I finally found Shelley's book. Her book is written with great sensitivity and compassion, and offers much insight from women who have experienced empty nest syndrome, as well as from psychologists who have dealt with it professionally. A primary thesis of the book is that, for many women (and some men too), children leaving home constitutes a major loss in life, and needs to be grieved, just like any other life altering loss.
This book must have taken Ms. Bovey years to research, but in doing so she has given us a priceless gift. This is one of the few books I will always keep.

From the other reviews I would love to purchase this book because I am looking for help dealing with my feelings of sadness. My oldest daughter moved out rather suddenly and although her new living situation is local and quite good, I was totally unprepared for these sad feelings. What I would like to voice is my disgust at the price of the book... $200! When I read the reviews I thought this book may finally be of some help, but I cannot afford, I'm sure like many women, this book as it is listed. Shame on those who price the book so high as to take advantage of people who could use real assistance during a most difficult time.