Customer Reviews

The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I bought this book, The Enabler, for my mother-in-law because the title and description seem to fit her perfectly. However, as I read the book from cover-to-cover I quickly realized that there were some enabling "issues" that were in my life as well. This book is written in friendly, easy terms; it doesn't use language that is over the average person's head. Since the author, Angelyn Miller, wrote about her personal life, I felt that I could connect with her on a personal level, and I am hoping that my mother-in-law can do the same. If a person who is an enabler would truly take this book to heart, it could literally change that person's life - for the better. The book is very straight-forward, and it even has "worksheets" and exercises to help the reader become the person that he/she would like to be.

Well, I was in a reahb center when my thearapist offered for me to read this book. I put it off for a few weeks when finally I picked it up to be amazed. It is a book that will help all of those who know they are enablers, think they are enablers, or sometimes likes to help a friend out in need. It is an eye opener. I recomend this book to just about anyone, even those who use enablers for their advantage. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did!

*****
Although this book is short, it accomplishes its purpose--to describe enabling and to teach readers how to overcome enabling. It does this through great illustrations from the life of the author about incidents with her husband and son, through descriptions, and through worksheets to help you construct your own recovery plan. I liked that it was short and to the point so that I wasn't wasting my time reading a lot of fluff.

Neither the author nor anyone in her immediate life was involved with alcohol or any other addiction; the book shows how enabling can be something we all can indulge in if we aren't aware.

Highly recommended.
*****

This book provides an attitude changing experience. The adult who reads this book and takes its message to heart will live a more peaceful life and allow their children (or other dependent person) to grow and live their own lives.

For example, as parents we want to help our children. It is the natural thing to do. When they are small our help is necessary and good. As the children grow, however, they should do more and more for themselves and we parents should do less and less. Eventually, when the child reaches adulthood, we parents should back off and let them do everything for themselves. Otherwise, they continue to be dependent and we become enablers robbing our children of the critical experiences of learning to solve one's own problems and face one's own dilemmas. A child (or anyone else) will usually take the path of least resistance. So, if we solve their problems for them, we are enabling them to take the easy path. It is the wrong path and we are doing them a disservice by being nice and making their lives easy and sheltered. In fact, we become part of the problem. The rule of thumb is never do anything for a person that they can do for themselves even if it is difficult for both them and us.

I could have used this book about four years ago.... For me, I was the enabler and started to go to Alanon meetings about 0ne year ago. Some of the material in this book - I already learned thru Alanon but it was good for me to review it anyway. I truley believe that if you are in an alcoholic or drug situation ---- it is good to learn as much as you can about the disease or problem. I pray for all of you out there that find their life in complete turmoil as they watch a loved one destroy his life and in the end can do a lot of damage both mentally and physically to you. Take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a strange disease where you find yourself thinking that you are "HELPING" but in reality ---you may be prolonging the problem and keeping the alcoholic from finding the "HELP" that they truley need. My story is ending in a divorce to a man that I still care very deeply for but hate the man that he has become as a result of his disease. He is currently slowly dying in a hospital while his insides are so messed up and not getting any better. I wish that if I had read more books like this earlier --- maybe just maybe things may have been different today.... who knows but, it would have lead me in a different direction and I would have done things differently. God bless each and everyone of you who are painfully going thru this ugly mess.

I really enjoyed this, and found it a good way to get myself back on track. Anyone who loves someone struggling with addictions could greatly improve their own lives as well as the lives of the addicted loved ones. This, along with Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, is a MUST READ.

As a true former enabler, I found this book incredibly helpful. Beginning with the opening poem, I was hooked. I studied the book carefully. The worksheets were helpful and I did them all. I had a son in treatment and need to maintain all the skills I have learned during that process (in fact, the book was recommended by the program). Through reading the book, I learned many subtle ways people enable others, and means of overcoming this destructive behavior. I am in a twelve-step recovery program, and the content in this book was a terrific adjunct to the readings and work I have done there. I highly recommend it to people with alcoholic/addicted children, spouses, partners, friends, co-workers. Enabling really does hurt the ones you love. By learning to love yourself more and develop healthy boundaries, you actually nourish the ones you love and set them free to discover who they are.

Although this book is very short, it is very helpful. I bought this book to understand other family members, and learned quite a bit. I've also passed the book on to others in the family.

I highly recommend anyone read this who is interested in understanding why family members, or even friends do the things they do.

A very open and honest book. You may not have exactly the same family life but you can gain excellent lesson of how not to help too much. Learn to make your kids more responsible and happy and don't overstep your helping mark.

My son has a drug addiction and problems with commitment. This book helped me to understand our roles and the directions we should take.