Enabler: when helping harms (Mass Market Paperback)

by Angelyn Miller (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
Do you confuse being needed with being loved? Do you relate to others by taking care of them? Then you may be an enabler. The enabler protects others from the consequences of their actions. But by always taking responsibility for those around them, enablers hurt the very people they love most. This sensitive and insightful book, written by a recovered enabler, shows how enabling relationships can be transformed into healthy ones.


From the Inside Flap
Do you confuse being needed with being loved? Do you relate to others by taking care of them? Then you may be an enabler. The enabler protects others from the consequences of their actions. But by always taking responsibility for those around them, enablers hurt the very people they love most. This sensitive and insightful book, written by a recovered enabler, shows how enabling relationships can be transformed into healthy ones.

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (September 13, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345368487
• ISBN-13: 978-0345368485
• Product Dimensions: 6.5 x 4.2 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #466,728 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

55 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best $4.79 you'll ever spend., April 17, 1999

By A Customer

I have always been very protective of my much younger sister, but it was not until I read this book that I realized how destructive my protection was. This is a slim volume--it took me only about 2 hours to read it--but it changed my life and my sister's.

Two brief passages from the book sum up its content and purpose. The first is from page 7: "An enabler is one who prevents growth and learning in others by assuming their responsbilities. An enabler promotes weakness in others by protecting them from the consequences of their unproductive behavior." The second is from pages 28-29: "When people . . . are not required to alter their unproductive behavior because they are protected from its natural consequences, it is easy for them to become dependent. Their experience of the world is that the world will always accommodate them."

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A real eye-opener!, May 18, 2001

By A Customer

This book was ME and every other woman I've known who has thought she had to DO IT ALL for her family. It's only when we stop caring for everyone else and allow them to do for themselves that the ones we love learn to spread their wings. And we benefit, too, in paying more attention to ourselves and our own goals. The hardest thing to do sometimes is NOTHING, but it is so liberating to realize there are things you can't fix or cure. I highly recommend this book.

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Well Written. A Quick Read., January 10, 2005

By	Robert M. Fleming "Marriage & Family Counselor" (Chico, CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book illustrates the story of the drowning enabler: someone else's life passes before his or her eyes.