16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Required Reading!, May 13, 2004
This review is from: Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care About Them) (Paperback)
We always joke that children and spouses should come with "How to" manuals. Well, this is THE definitive "How to" manual for having a romantic relationship with someone who has a physical disability. If it were up to me, every person on the planet would be required to read this book! Even though this book is targeted to people who are in relationships with someone who has a disability, "Enabling Romance" is also very relevant to a "physically normal" person. Frankly, I think I'm going to be a better person for having read this book.
As a dating coach, I know that whenever two people enter into a relationship, there are going to be issues. Why? Simply because you are melding two people who have had different life experiences. This book makes many brilliant points, but I especially liked this: someone in a relationship with a disabled person will often make the mistake of blaming the disability for all of the couple's relationship problems. But the reality is that the couple would have many of the same issues to work through even if they were both physically perfect.
The book also talks very specifically about how to have a fulfilling sex life with someone who has a disability. It is done in a warm and caring manner, and it reminded me that people with disabilities have the same needs for love, sex and affection that everyone else has.
Bottom Line: I have given this book 5 stars, but I really wish I could give it 6. It's an A plus. If you're in a relationship with someone who has a disability (or even thinking about starting one), this book is a must-read. Don't wait another day ... order this book right now!
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22 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Useful only for the inexperienced, September 1, 2005
This review is from: Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care About Them) (Paperback)
I am severely disabled. I read the first few pages of this book and was encouraged. I then read the remaining 165 pages or so and was incredibly disappointed.
This book is unbelievably trite. If you have little or no experience with relationships or creative sexuality, this book might help you. If you are at all experienced or knowledgeable about establishing relationships and fundamental variations on ways of being intimate then do not waste your money.
Two basic themes dominate the book and are repeated over and over:
1. Disabled people need to learn to be creative and open to new ways of doing things, including being intimate.
2. When dealing with the disabled and partnering with the disabled, people need to learn to be understanding, respectful, and open to new ways of doing things, including being intimate.
The vast majority of disabled people become good at #1 above very quickly out of necessity. We do not need a sixteen dollar paperback to explain that to us.
And as far as #2 goes, how obvious is that?
The book does a good job of identifying problems that persons with disabilities might encounter, but solutions offered are simplistic and obvious - if they are even offered at all. An example of this is the in Chapter titled, "Attendants and Sexual Intimacy." The basic theme is that some of us have severe disabilities that require full time attendants and that it can be awkward to have an attendant around during intimate activities.
Gee, really? Who would have guessed?
Okay, so what to do about it? Here's a quote from that chapter's concluding paragraphs starting immediately after the second of two real-life examples, "Despite the drawbacks, having an attendant available can make a world of difference for someone with a disability. Naturally, not every person makes a good personal aid. The most important qualifications are experience, sensitivity, and dependability. An excellent book about finding, managing, and keeping attendants is..."
So their answer for this problem is...Buy a different book!
I recommend you take their advice. Skip this one and buy a different book.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Giving Inspiration to the Disabled, February 18, 2007
This review is from: Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care About Them) (Paperback)
The "Joy of Sex" for the disabled is as good of a summary that anyone can write. And that sums up both the good and the bad of this work. The best feature, and the element for which I am personally grateful, is that the book states unquivically that the handicapped are sexual beings, just like anyone else. For that, all of us who are disabled, give a heart-felt "thank you!" When we moved from the general to the specific the book was less strong. I look forward to a time when the authors can assemble a more condition-specific work that has a bit more of the "how to do it" as well as "why do it." This book is sensitive and well written, and I praise it as a good start. But I also hope it is only a start as well, for it left me wanting more.
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