In the summer of 1996, Ruth Ray, a gerontologist in her forties, befriended an eighty-two-year-old man suffering from Parkinson's. The two remained close until the end of his life, sharing stories and memories while building a deep relationship. Part memoir, part biography, Endnotes explores how people construct meaning through their interactions with others. With grace and wit, Ray situates her friend's past experiences and present relationships within the theories and literature of gerontology, providing a deeper understanding of autonomy at the end of life. She also delves into the complexities of sexuality and intimacy in old age, communication across disabilities and age groups, the disabling nature of nursing homes, and the trials of death and dying. Writing as both a woman and a gerontologist, Ray finds that the "quality of care" we provide for others requires not only an understanding of the relationships that have given a person's life meaning but also a willingness to accept and share deeply in the emotional process of physical and mental decline.
(Vol 29 - 2009)
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Editorial Reviews
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A riveting reminder of what happens when a feminist refigures the politics of sex, age and death.
(Margaretta Jolly Ageing & Society )A wonderful insider's view of the needs and internal struggles one faces during the last leg of life's journey.
(Elaine T. Jurkowski Journal of Gerontological Social Work )Review
Ruth E. Ray was in her forties, teaching writing in a nursing home, when she and one of the residents fell in love. This is their love story, and it is not only unexpected but charming and credible. Paul is a marvelous literary creation and a wonderful person: funny, gentle, open, loving, self-aware. Ray comes across as sensitive to others, careful of herself, unbiased, and unashamed-excellent qualities for a writer and writing-teacher who wanted to become a feminist gerontologist and a passionate advocate for rethinking our relation to older people. This memoir is sui generis. Ray has written something as startling and unflinching as good fiction can be.
(Margaret Morganroth Gullette, author of Aged by Culture and the prize-winning Declining to Decline: Cultural Combat and the Politics of the Midlife )
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
An Unusual Love Story,
This review is from: Endnotes: An Intimate Look at the End of Life (End of Life Care: A Series) (Paperback)
Ruth Ray starts out encouraging seniors to write their thoughts and life experiences and ends up falling in love with a student who happens to be twice her age! Her courageous story helps us to reshape our thoughts about nursing homes, romance and the end of life. Her descriptions of aging are hauntingly accurate and vivid. You will laugh and cry and find comfort that romantic love can happen in the most unusual and unexpected times.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Surprising Read,
This review is from: Endnotes: An Intimate Look at the End of Life (End of Life Care: A Series) (Paperback)
I couldn't put this book down. It is more than a peek inside a nursing home and assessment of today's health care for the elderly. This is an intimate viewing of a surprising relationship between two people who truly care for each other.
Paul is dealing with aging, Parkinson's disease and trying to find his "life" in a care center. Ruth is a scholar researching care for the aged, who discovers her role in his "life" is more than her work. Their age differences only seem to enhance the love they experience. Anyone who is concerned with the end of life will find hope, humor and honesty in this writing.
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