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Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy Paperback – October 14, 2010

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Editorial Reviews


"No hype, no bromides―just loads of practical and inspiring strategies for having a life-long, satisfying sexual relationship. I can’t think of a better guide for couples young and old. Read it together, use it, and give it to couples starting their journey together." ―William J. Doherty, PhD, Professor of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota; author, Take Back Your Marriage

"Metz and McCarthy have written the best book available on enhancing and maintaining sexual desire and intimacy in long-term relationships. Through real life examples and inviting the reader’s self examination, Metz and McCarthy introduce the value of the ‘Good Enough Sex’ model, rather than the goal-oriented, perfect intercourse model that leads so many couples to frustration. This book is a gift to everyone seeking a better and enduring level of sexual and personal intimacy." ―Julian Slowinski, PsyD, ABPP, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania, School of Medicine; Senior Clinical Psychologist, Pennsylvania Hospital; Co-author, The Sexual Male, The Good Sex Guide

"A realistic and refreshing look at creating and maintaining a satisfying sex life across the ages. Metz and McCarthy challenge the mythical sexual beliefs of incessant and unrelenting sexual desire that pervade our culture, and instead offer honest and unbiased tips for setting realistic expectations and fostering healthy sexual scripts." ―Lori A. Brotto, PhD, R Psych, Assistant Professor, University of British Columbia, Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology

"Metz and McCarthy’s concept of ‘good enough sex,’ as emphasized in their newest book, Enduring Desire, offers a superb model of expectation management for professional and public audiences alike. I would recommend this book to my patients, colleagues, and students without hesitation." ―Michael A. Perelman, PhD, President, Society for Sex Therapy and Research; Clinical Associate Professor, Psychiatry, Reproductive Medicine and Urology, NY Weill Cornell Medical Center

"Metz and McCarthy have together written yet another great book. Their guide is comprehensive, covering pertinent aspects of sex and couples therapy, which they view as being intertwined. Enduring Desire is not only helpful, but easy to read, "straight talk," including many clear, real-life examples. Recently given the Best Book Award 2011 by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, Enduring Desire is the most refreshing and enlightening general guide to couple sexuality and intimacy that I have read. It is an important addition to the library of any sex or couples therapist, researcher or clergy person. I most frequently and successfully use this book with my own patients. The exercises are motivating and, with an investment of time and effort, can help couples bring realistic joy to their relationship sex. I have also used this guide with engaged couples who have been referred to me by clergy as part of their church marital preparation programs. My success with the latter group has even led to my giving Enduring Desire as an engagement gift to personal friends on more than one occasion." - Carolee A. Kallmann, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy

About the Author

Michael E. Metz, PhD, is a psychologist and marital and sex therapist in private practice in Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN, treating individuals and couples. For 12 years Dr. Metz served on the faculty of the University of Minnesota Medical School, Department of Family Practice & Community Health, directed the marital & sex therapy program, and for 18 years served as adjunct assistant professor with the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science. He is a major spokesperson for a comprehensive, integrated biopsychosocial approach to addressing and resolving relationship and sexual problems. As a clinician he has worked with more than 6,000 couples for a variety of relationship and sexual problems

Barry W. McCarthy, PhD, is a certified marital and sex therapist and practices at the Washington Psychological Center, USA. He was recipient of the 2009 Smart Marriages Impact Award



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Product Details

  • Paperback: 246 pages
  • Publisher: Routledge (October 14, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0415878306
  • ISBN-13: 978-0415878302
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #388,333 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Sallie Foley on November 7, 2010
Format: Paperback
As a sex therapist and sexuality educator, I am always on the look-out for great books about sex. As a couples therapist, I look for books that engage readers and help them create a better relationship. It is rare to find both a great book about sex and a great book about relationships rolled into one. 'Enduring Desire' is written by two terrific sex and couples therapists who have an excellent track record as therapists, writers, and teachers. It is not your parents book about sex or communication. Rather, 'Enduring Desire' focuses on current understandings about sexual desire and sexual interaction throughout a couple's life together. The book gives very practical and smart advice to both partners. Written by leaders in sex therapy, it is definitely a book to own if you are a couple who want to build or sustain good sex and intimacy. I recommend it both to clients and graduate students training to become therapists. Bravo Metz and McCarthy!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By VAreviewerguy on March 21, 2011
Format: Paperback
Another great book by McCarthy and Metz. As a therapist who works with a wide range of individual and couples around issues of sexuality I find myself recommending this book a lot. It's not just for more mature folks trying to keep their sex life vital and rewarding (although it's great for them too!). But, this book really condenses a lot of McCarthy and Metz's life work into one easy-to-read guide that is great for individuals of any age. It combines practical advice with easy-to-understand explanations for why you should be doing these things. I actually work with a lot of adolescent and young men growing up in the age of readily accessible porn and distorted, unhealthy messages about sexuality. When they come in confused about why imitating porn doesn't seem to be working for themselves or their partners I often recommend this book. "Good enough" sex may not sound exciting from a marketing perspective, but I can tell you that adopting a realistic model of healthy, relational sex is much better than endlessly chasing pornographic fantasies any day! This book is a great antidote to so many unhealthy messages about sex that are out there now. This is a great book full of practical advice and wisdom accumulated from two experts who have been doing this kind of work a long time.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Linda Perlin Alperstein, LCSW on September 1, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition
Metz and McCarthy present an incredibly honest, feasible and plain-spoken guide to help couples create and maintain a sustainable sexual life together. Swinging from chandeliers is not required, but honest and open communication is greatly encouraged.

Research and experience have shown sex therapists that couples who want to create and maintain an enjoyable sexual life must actually make room in their lives for sensuality and sexuality. Sex has it's ups and downs -- pun intended. And very few couples can experience hot, sizzling sex consistently, over the long haul of their life together.

This is a very reader-friendly book -- both for couples who want to create an enduring sexual connection and for therapists who would like to be more effective in dealing with sexual concerns. I recommend it highly.

Linda Perlin Alperstein, MSW, LCSW
Associate Clinical Professor, University of California, SF, Department of Psychiatry
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