The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role [Paperback]

Perdita K. Norwood (Author), Teri Wingender (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 1999

Becoming a stepmother is a life-altering event in any woman's life. The issues are extraordinarily complex and women are overwhelmingly unprepared. Yet concerns usually focus on the effect remarriage has on the children. The Enlightened Stepmother approaches the subject from a totally new perspective -- that of the stepmother. Based on information -- sometimes controversial -- from stepmoms of all ages, occupations and lifestyles, who know from experience what works, what doesn't and why --

What you need to know about your new family before you become part of it.

How to get off to the right start. (It's hard to change a relationship once you've taken the path of least resistance.)

How to prevent, rather than cure, the stepmom's classic pitfalls.

What you need to recognize about your relationship with your husband's children.

How to handle relationships between your kids and his.

Why you need to give your marriage top priority.

How to make sure others are aware that this is your life too.

Why you need to develop a working relationship with your stepchildren's mother.

How to understand the inevitable stages every stepfamily passes through.

How to overcome the guilt of not loving -- or even liking -- your stepchildren.

How to avoid feeling guilty in circumstances over which you have no control.

Why a successful stepfamily is as unique as every stepmom.

AND MUCH MORE

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Perdita Kirkness Norwood, stepmother to four now-adult children, is a stepmother advocate who leads support groups, focus groups and workshop on the subject. She lives in Connecticut.

Product Details

• Paperback: 464 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks (March 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 038079604X
• ISBN-13: 978-0380796045
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #152,956 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #27 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 64 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Gotta have it..., April 11, 2002

By 

Karon Goodman (Oxford, AL United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role (Paperback)

"The Enlightened Stepmother" is an amazingly thorough look at the life of the stepmom, including her fears and worries, her problems and challenges, and a realistic assessment of her chances for happiness. Mrs. Norwood takes a stance that stepmoms everyone can understand, calling us "one of the last social groups still in the closet."

She says that we are "new pioneers" because society still often has a misunderstood and unfavorable view of the stepmom -- the wicked woman who takes mom's place and isn't to be trusted. This prevailing stereotype makes life even harder for the stepmom who is insecure or unsure of her place in the family. Mrs. Norwood's book helps that stepmom with a straightforward, in-depth and honest investigation into her life.

"The Stepmom's Quick Primer" at the beginning of the book gives the reader "twelve essential gems of wisdom." These brief items give to-the-point advice and inspiration to the struggling stepmom. It's just the beginning to a lengthy analysis of all aspects of the stepmom's life.

The book is divided into four parts. Part 1, "Getting to Know You," focuses on the stepmom's view of herself and her stepfamily. The author helps the reader explore exactly what her role, rights and responsibilities are and understand her expectations. Part 2, "Relationships," encourages the stepmom to apply the same research that she applied to her own feelings to the other people in her life, to learn directly what everyone feels and what they expect instead of relying on preconceived perceptions.

Part 3, the "Lifestyle and Practical Matters" section, covers those day-to-day concerns that can't be left to chance: the wedding, custody and visitation, discipline, holidays, school, money and more. This section includes the very helpful "Stepmom's Legal File." The final part, "Is This What I Want?" recognizes that we all reach a "moment of truth" in our stepmotherhood when we have to make the choice to embrace or exit this role. This section helps the reader evaluate her satisfaction and progress with some tough questions about how she really feels.

Mrs. Norwood comforts even the most distraught or confused stepmom, noting that "attitudes conducive to successful stepmotherhood can be learned." She gives us all hope.

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Essential Guide for Anyone, April 5, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role (Paperback)

I don't think anyone really knows what they are getting into when they marry a man with children. This book is essential to let you know the challenges and joys ahead and then as a guide of how to get through them. There are a million books to help you help your stepchildren. However, this book offers you the tools you need to help yourself. Little steps on how to build your family from the outset to be a place you can be happy and be yourself. I had a bad night last night. And for a few precious minutes, I read a book that was focussed on me - not as a mother or a wife, but as a person with my own challenges. It offered me peace of mind. And with every new change in my life, I want to reread sections to get the same ideas from a different perspective. This book is a key that can help any stepmother. I can't recommend it enough.

56 of 60 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Errs on the negative side, October 11, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role (Paperback)

This is one of three stepmothering books I purchased, and after reading all three, I can say this book leaves me depressed and hopeless, feeling as though I cannot cope with what stepmothering brings. The 'real-life' examples and stories seem so negative and worst-case scenario. This book just encourages feeling negative and hopeless. It left me full of anxiety and fear, not answers and solutions. Even though it does offer up many useful suggestions, and illustrates the reality of stepmothering, it errs on the side of the negative extreme. I'm sure many women can relate to this book, but for those of us who need a positive approach, and have supportive partners and stepchildren who like us, actually love us, we need something else. I highly recommend "The Courage to be a Stepmom" by Thoele, and "The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life" by Goodman. These two books left me feeling hopeful, I realized the positives and the love, the reasons WHY I'm even bothering with this difficult situation! I really see the hope and love in my situation after reading those two books, not so for "The Enlightened Stepmother". Perhaps, the best approach is to read this book first, to make sure you are well aware of the realities of stepmotherhood, THEN read the other two books to learn how to positively face the challenges.