Customer Reviews

The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

"The Enlightened Stepmother" is an amazingly thorough look at the life of the stepmom, including her fears and worries, her problems and challenges, and a realistic assessment of her chances for happiness. Mrs. Norwood takes a stance that stepmoms everyone can understand, calling us "one of the last social groups still in the closet."

She says that we are "new pioneers" because society still often has a misunderstood and unfavorable view of the stepmom -- the wicked woman who takes mom's place and isn't to be trusted. This prevailing stereotype makes life even harder for the stepmom who is insecure or unsure of her place in the family. Mrs. Norwood's book helps that stepmom with a straightforward, in-depth and honest investigation into her life.

"The Stepmom's Quick Primer" at the beginning of the book gives the reader "twelve essential gems of wisdom." These brief items give to-the-point advice and inspiration to the struggling stepmom. It's just the beginning to a lengthy analysis of all aspects of the stepmom's life.

The book is divided into four parts. Part 1, "Getting to Know You," focuses on the stepmom's view of herself and her stepfamily. The author helps the reader explore exactly what her role, rights and responsibilities are and understand her expectations. Part 2, "Relationships," encourages the stepmom to apply the same research that she applied to her own feelings to the other people in her life, to learn directly what everyone feels and what they expect instead of relying on preconceived perceptions.

Part 3, the "Lifestyle and Practical Matters" section, covers those day-to-day concerns that can't be left to chance: the wedding, custody and visitation, discipline, holidays, school, money and more. This section includes the very helpful "Stepmom's Legal File." The final part, "Is This What I Want?" recognizes that we all reach a "moment of truth" in our stepmotherhood when we have to make the choice to embrace or exit this role. This section helps the reader evaluate her satisfaction and progress with some tough questions about how she really feels.

Mrs. Norwood comforts even the most distraught or confused stepmom, noting that "attitudes conducive to successful stepmotherhood can be learned." She gives us all hope.

I don't think anyone really knows what they are getting into when they marry a man with children. This book is essential to let you know the challenges and joys ahead and then as a guide of how to get through them. There are a million books to help you help your stepchildren. However, this book offers you the tools you need to help yourself. Little steps on how to build your family from the outset to be a place you can be happy and be yourself. I had a bad night last night. And for a few precious minutes, I read a book that was focussed on me - not as a mother or a wife, but as a person with my own challenges. It offered me peace of mind. And with every new change in my life, I want to reread sections to get the same ideas from a different perspective. This book is a key that can help any stepmother. I can't recommend it enough.

This is one of three stepmothering books I purchased, and after reading all three, I can say this book leaves me depressed and hopeless, feeling as though I cannot cope with what stepmothering brings. The 'real-life' examples and stories seem so negative and worst-case scenario. This book just encourages feeling negative and hopeless. It left me full of anxiety and fear, not answers and solutions. Even though it does offer up many useful suggestions, and illustrates the reality of stepmothering, it errs on the side of the negative extreme. I'm sure many women can relate to this book, but for those of us who need a positive approach, and have supportive partners and stepchildren who like us, actually love us, we need something else. I highly recommend "The Courage to be a Stepmom" by Thoele, and "The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life" by Goodman. These two books left me feeling hopeful, I realized the positives and the love, the reasons WHY I'm even bothering with this difficult situation! I really see the hope and love in my situation after reading those two books, not so for "The Enlightened Stepmother". Perhaps, the best approach is to read this book first, to make sure you are well aware of the realities of stepmotherhood, THEN read the other two books to learn how to positively face the challenges.

I became a fulltime stepmother 3 years ago to two young children whose mother had died. I was very much in love with their father, and the children accepted me immediately as their "mother substitute". However, after the initial fantasy period (which is described accurately in the book), the real problems began. My husband and I went through hell trying to pick our way through the monumental challenges of living together as a stepfamily.

It was at this point that I had the brilliant idea of researching the whole issue of stepmotherhood. Fortunately, this was one of the first books I read along with Cherie Burns' book "Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out or Wicked". Both these books saved my sanity and also helped my husband understand that what I was going through was perfectly normal and understandable. I highly, highly recommend this book!! It's worth several counselling sessions and probably more value for your money.

I am on the verge of becoming a Stepmother (should I choose to go forth in my relationship). I know of NO other woman who is in my position. The great thing about this book is that I felt like finally "someone" was on my side, that many things I've felt (frustration, not loving my boyfriend's son or even always liking him, feeling jealous at times that he is more important to his dad than I am) were valid and even common reactions. However, the underlying message of this book seems to be, no matter what you do your step kids will most likely hate you, his ex might hate you, he probably won't support you, and this will continue on into your old age. This book said it wasn't negative, yet I got nothing positive out of it, it seemed that every example used was of an unhappy stepmom, unsupported and practically invisible. And over and over the husband seemed absent, no support to her, not active in the situation. Though my b/f is a VERY hands on father, so I don't have to play the mother role too much, this book left me confused and doubtful that I should even attempt this. So I guess if you want your eyes opened, this book will certainly do it! I just didn't find it very encouraging - perhaps there aren't enough "happy ending" step-marriages to use as examples? That can't be good!

This book gave good advice about being true to yourself and not being jealous of and insecure about your new family. However, like all the other stepmom books I've read, it focuses on the negative and the problems. Almost every example used is of a bad stepmom situation. I would have liked to read about success stories and what good stepmoms do RIGHT not wrong. I could not relate at all to most of the stepmom examples in the book. I also wanted advice on what to do if you love your stepkids too much, but that subject was merely touched upon.

I have been looking for a book like this for a long time. I have read many books on the subject of stepparenting and have found them to be boring and basically worthless.

This book IS revolutionary, just as it says. It's about time someone took a stand for the stepmothers in the trenches and stopped saying that a good stepmother should be just serve as a "friend" to the children and take a "back seat" when it comes to real parenting. Those of us out in stepparent land know what a joke that is.

My only regret with this book is that I didn't have it BEFORE I got married to my husband. If I'd had this book I could have done things differently in the beginning and saved myself a lot of headache and heartache.

I completely 100% recommend this book for anyone dating a man with children or married to a man with children. Even if you've been married for many years you will find it useful.

This book really gives the low-down on situations that occur in stepfamilies - and helpful advice. It's everything you didn't want to hear, in gory detail, and how to avoid going down those roads. A MUST READ for any step-mother or woman who is dating a man with kids. Compiled from a multitude of real stories, this book is a gem. It will open your eyes.

I am Canadian so I paid a much higher price for the book than my American friends would. BUT, it was worth and continues to be worth every penny. This book deals with the stepmoms point of view, her feelings, her needs, HER! This book was well written and I refer to it often.

This book is a positive, hopeful presentation of the many complex issues encountered in stepmothering. The research in the book is contemporary with response from young and old stepmothers defining the important choices, pitfalls, and joys that stepmothers encounter. There is so much good common sense wisdom in the book -- I'd recommend it for all women, even those who might some day in the future consider the possibility of stepmotherhood!!