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The Enneagram in Love and Work: Understanding Your Intimate and Business Relationships Paperback – December 15, 1995


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The Enneagram in Love and Work: Understanding Your Intimate and Business Relationships + The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine  Personality Types + The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 432 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; 1 edition (December 15, 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062507214
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062507211
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 1 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #66,531 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

More than anyone, she has helped bring [the Enneagram] alive. (Tony Schwartz, Esquire)

[Palmer is] the leading teacher and practitioner of the Enneagram. (San Francisco Chronicle)

A remarkable teacher....She has uncanny skill and integrity in observation and is brilliantly clear in expression....I have found the Enneagram the most powerful method of understanding and treating individuals and relationships. (David N. Daniels, M.D., clinical professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science, Stanford University)

The true and best self has a chance to emerge thanks to teachers like Helen Palmer. (Richard Rohr, author of Discovering the Enneagram)

About the Author

Helen Palmer conducts extended workshops, seminars, and training sessions on the Enneagram in the San Francisco Bay Area and around the country. She is the author of The Enneagram in Love and Work


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Customer Reviews

I highly and heartily recommend it.
SueP
It is a great way to learn how to accentuate the positive and accept the challenges that exist in ALL relationships.
SK
This book is a good explanation of how the enneagram types relate to one another.
B. Gilbert

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 51 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 23, 2000
Format: Paperback
Palmer's books remain the best in a growing field. Her grasp of the subject is head and shoulders above the rest, simply because she trusts the voices of her interviewees to speak their truth rather than draw conclusions about personalities based on observation and abstraction. This is my greatest contention with Riso. His books are too "orderly" about type... people just don't fall into such tidy categories in the real world.
While I agree with other reviewers' critiques of her writing style, her grasp of the material is enormous and the insights on relationships - given the limited context of a book - are almost spooky. I've given a few copies of this book as a gift and had one couple report that the description of their types in the "Directory of Relationships" read like a psychologist's summary after meeting with them for a year. This section of the book is an ambitious undertaking by Palmer - pairing all the tupes and describing typical strengths, issues and characteristics of the combinations - and I found myself tantalized by her summaries, wanting more of her insights.
On the whole, I believe this is her best book on the subject. Some have taken a more abstract approach (Riso), others a bit more humorous one (Baron & Wagele), but Palmer's treatment of a complex system like the Enneagram is thorough, serious, and yet remains accessible. I strongly recommend this title, especially as a gift to those new to the Enneagram.
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Peter Messerschmidt on November 12, 2003
Format: Paperback
Helen Palmer is widely viewed as one of the foremost experts on the "modern" enneagram, and her books are regarded by many as "standard" references on this system of personality typing, psychology, spirituality and self-growth. As a long-time student of the enneagram, I find that I often reach for one of her books when I have a question.
In this book, Palmer offers only the briefest of introductions to the historical background of the enneagram, and then goes on to in-depth descriptions of each of the nine enneatypes. For each type, she covers the basic personality traits, biases and preoccupations, as well briefly addressing the three "instinctual variants" found within each. She then proceeds to describe each type "in love" and "at work." In terms of love, these descriptions attempt to explain what it is like to "live with" each type, as well as that type's orientation towards intimacy and the "signals" (positive AND negative) they send to their intimate surroundings. In the "work" contexts, Palmer covers work styles, leadership styles, teamwork and areas of conflict. Overall, I found the descriptions to be quite accurate, and I gained some new insights into why people in my life behave the way they do.
The most useful part of the book is the third section, the "Directory of Relationships." This is basically a "matrix" of descriptions outlining how any given type is likely to interact with any other type. For each combination (for example, "four with nine") there is a brief description of the dynamic that might exist in a love relationship, as well as the dynamic of a boss/employee work relationship. The book is worth buying for this section, alone.
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106 of 123 people found the following review helpful By Robert A Felthousen on September 27, 2003
Format: Paperback
The enneagram is a psychological system that proposes nine fundamental personality types. Each type has learned from various childhood traumas to behave in a certain pattern so as to attract positive attention and repel negative attention. Perfectionists (type 1) earn love by being perfect. Helpers (type 2) earn love by being helpful. Performers (type 3) earn love through achievement and image. [The system gets more complex here.] Romantics (type 4) protect their vulnerability by longing for love at a distance. Observers (type 5) protect their vulnerability by detaching from emotions and seeking privacy. Troopers (type 6) protect their vulnerability by mistrusting love until it is "proven" safe. Epicures (type 7) protect their vulnerability by treating life as a grand adventure. [We go back to a simpler system here.] Bosses (type 8) earn love by taking charge and "fighting the good fight." Mediators (type 9) earn love by merging with their loved ones, losing all sense of self.
Okay. The rationale that Palmer presents for each type is often very reasonable. She describes typical childhood traumas for each type - for example, "Growing up in a context where survival depended on pleasing, [Helpers] gave to others to get their own needs met. [...] Wanting approval, they form an association in which they become indispensable" (63). She has very in-depth descriptions of each type, and for the most part I think she has really done her research. Five stars for her in-depth analysis.
However, there are two fundamental flaws running through the book. The first (and most obvious) is her pigeon-holing of the types into a spiritual framework of "seven deadly sins plus two not mentioned in the Bible.
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 10, 1997
Format: Paperback
I've read many books on the Enneagram, and I found this book to be very helpful in understanding my present and past significant others and coworkers. My significant other is a 9, and my boss is also a 9 - pure heaven for us 7's! This book indicated how I can keep enhancing these relationships, and what to watch out for so that the relationships do not deteriorate.

This book is also enlightening regarding past love and work relationships. I made a lot of mistakes in dealing with people in my past, and this book taught me to come to terms with these mistakes. I could see how my ex-husband (a 5) and I pushed each other's buttons. I could also see how I went head to head with my tyrannical ex-boss (an 8), who made most women subordinates cry when he was angry. This book brought to light more constructive ways of dealing with such people.
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