Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life [Hardcover]

Les Carter (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 16, 2005

Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don’t think they need to change. Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me is a hands-on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"If you have ever been drained dry and then blamed for failing or have ever been criticized and then altered your behavior, only to be found at fault for doing what you were told to do,  you have had an encounter with a narcissist. Narcissists can make you feel crazy, exhausted, and guilty. Les Carter offers a thoughtful, well-written guide for dealing with the heartache and confusion of managing a relationship with a narcissist. He has done so with kindness, hope, and clarity. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has feared there is no hope for peculiarly difficult people."
--Dan B. Allender, president, Mars Hill Graduate School, and author, The Wounded Heart and To Be Told 

"Do narcissists plan to grow up to be self-centered?  Do they realize that the world and its entire population weren't created just for their pleasure?  You may recognize the narcissistic traits Les Carter has described in Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me, either in your own life or in the life of someone you're trying to love and live with on a daily basis.  This book will give you tools to make you stronger and less fearful of those who dish  out narcissistic behavior. Moreover, it will guide you to forgive any abuse you have suffered.  For those who see their lives in the ‘mirror’ of these pages, it will open your eyes and give you hope and strength.  I highly recommend this book."
--Paul Meier, M.D., founder, Meier Clinics

"Dr. Les Carter has once again provided practical guidance for those in challenging life situations."
--Mark R. McMinn, author, Finding Our Way Home

From the Inside Flap

Do you have to live or work with someone so highly self-absorbed that your wishes and needs are completely ignored or dismissed? Do you feel constantly criticized and never able to do anything right? Have you been exploited or manipulated many times? If so, you are probably dealing with a narcissist, a personality type that is toxic, frustrating, and seemingly oblivious to pleas for change or consideration.

Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don't think they need to change. Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me is a hands-on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.

Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter offers practical tips and effective strategies for managing responses to manipulative behavior and includes proven approaches to handling narcissists, their demands, their anger, and their lack of boundaries. This book provides a wise, compassionate guide to understanding and dealing with people who are so focused on themselves, so controlling, and so ego-driven that they make your life miserable. Real-life stories clearly show how ordinary people learned to face the daunting challenges of responding to the narcissists in their lives in an emotionally balanced manner. You will learn to

• Recognize the patterns of narcissistic behavior and deal with them
• Examine your own anger and resentment
• Remove fear from the equation
• Foster your own inner security
• Replace bitterness with forgiveness

Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me will help you break free of the destructive influence of narcissistic people and learn to understand, confront, and handle this toxic behavior's many troubling manifestations.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (September 16, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787980633
• ISBN-13: 978-0787980634
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #915,079 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Les Carter is associated with the Minirth Clinic Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Richardson, Texas. He is specially trained in the treatment of emotional adjustments and relationship problems. He is the author or coauthor of several books, including the bestselling The Anger Workbook.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

71 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How to respond effectively to selfish and disruptive behavior, March 6, 2006

By 

Robert Morris (Dallas, Texas) - See all my reviews
(TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life (Hardcover)

A close personal friend lent his copy of this book to me because he found it especially revealing and informative. Frankly, narcissism is not a subject in which I had much (if any) prior interest but I read it out of curiosity and increasing interest. I am pleased that I did. After reading this book, I was even more aware of the fact that -- over many years -- I had interacted with narcissists and, truth be told, had also been guilty of the same selfish and disruptive behavior. If I understand Carter's key points (and I may not), everyone can behave that way on occasion. However, there are certain individuals who (for whatever reasons) consistently think and behave narcissistically (if there is such an descriptive) and it is beneficial for those who interact with narcissists to understand that they share certain common characteristics which Carter identifies on page 7. For example: "An inability to empathize; that is, an inability to experience another person's feelings and perceptions from that person's point of view." The purpose of this book is to explain what narcissism is, and, to suggest how best to cope with it.

Carter carefully organizes his material within ten chapters which range from "What Makes a Narcissist?" to "Replacing Bitterness with Forgiveness." Throughout his narrative, Carter makes every effort to help his reader to understand what narcissism is (and isn't), and to help those who associate with narcissists on a direct and frequent basis so that they can respond appropriately. That is, without anger (in Chapter 7, he explains how to remove fear "from the equation" ), to make a commitment to humility, to foster an inner security about themselves, and to "replace bitterness with forgiveness." Re this last point, I was especially interested in what Carter has to say about forgiveness, given the number of times I have encountered narcissism in one form or another:

1. First, I was confused.
2. Then I was angry.
3. Then I felt guilty about being angry.
4. Then I was angry about feeling guilt.
5. Then I felt guilty about being angry and...

You get the idea.

As Carter explains, narcissists have the power to activate a sequence such as this. In many instances, that seems to be their objective, whether they realize it or not. The net result is that a relationship with a narcissist can -- paradoxically -- shift attention to another person (creating confusion, guilt, anger, etc. in that person) so as to divert attention -- under the control of the narcissist -- from the narcissist's own inadequacies and thus, more often than not, enable the narcissist to sustain control of the relationship...and do so guilt free.

I lack the formal training and professional experience to say much more about narcissism. However, I can assert that Carter has substantially increased my understanding of a pathology which (as previously noted) I had personally experienced but could not explain. One caveat: Beware of labeling a person a "narcissist" unless and until there is a pattern of recurrent and consistent behavior which exemplifies the eight common narcissistic traits. Even then, the person in question may or may not be a narcissist. (Only those fully qualified should make that determination.) Nonetheless, the advice which Carter offers can help those who read his book to respond appropriately to selfish and disruptive behavior. With regard to this book's subtitle, it may be possible to recognize narcissists but not always "manage" them. However, it is possible to manage how we respond to them. Hence my high regard for Carter's counsel.

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Any book on this topic is helpful ..., June 23, 2006

By 

Anima3D (Atlanta, GA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life (Hardcover)

when you've been through the misery inflicted by somebody with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). I do object to the religious overtones in a book that purports to be factual and investigative, and the concept of original sin seems to me forced into the mix here and a little contrived. But I will say that the description of the traits of the NPD individual is dead on, and if you're in a state of bewildered agony about what's happening to you in a relationship with such a person, it's a breath of fresh air to know that there are others in the same predicament, "it" has a name, you're not necessary wrong about everything--despite what you've been told, and it's extremely comforting to know you're not alone. If you've been through the very warped looking-glass reality with someone who has NPD, this book will help you, even if you don't necessarily agree with its religious world-view.

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars learning to cope with narcissistic behavior, March 2, 2007

By 

jeanne-scott (Virginia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life (Hardcover)

This was a really great book on learning to identify someone in your life who is narcissistic and effective ways of managing their behavior (and yours!!) People who are always right, whose ideas and plans must over ride all others, who manage to draw attention to themselves for every positive thing that they do (and why!!) and who somehow always manage to leave you feeling guilty and/or angry at the way the situation turns out.....these are the people that are written about in this book. The strategy for coping with and deflecting the behavior of a narcissist was well thought out and can be implemented by anyone..........it just takes a bit of thought and the refusal to join into the narcissists' game.

I felt that this book had enough detail to inform and yet not overwhelm you. The look at the "heart" (they have one!?!?) of the narcissist was thought provoking but in the end the fact remains that you can not change that person no matter how hard you want to or how determined you may be. If you keep this individual in your life for whatever reason, you must learn to recognize their behavior and manage it in order for you to live a "normal" life.