Customer Reviews

The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children

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Robert Shaw, M.D. has finally put into words what we've all been thinking - that many of today's children are out of control, spoiled, unhappy, mannerless brats whose parents stand by helplessly as their kids throw tantrums and misbehave. In this thought-provoking book, Dr. Shaw shows us what is going wrong and why. But all is not despair, as Dr. Shaw also gives us the roadmap to put our kids back on track to becoming loving, relatable and enjoyable children. This is a must-read for all parents, grandparents, friends and relatives - and for parents-to-be who are full of questions about how to raise children in today's difficult world. Kudos to Dr. Shaw for raising difficult issues in today's overly permissive world.

I saw Robert Shaw on CNN a few months ago touting this book. Immediately, I knew I wanted to read it. I have friends that make me feel guilty because my children are well behaved and theirs aren't. This book helped me to validate for myself that my sometimes "harsh" or "strict" ways is in fact training them and providing them with "gifts" they can use over and over again during their lifetime. It is a terrific book for parents who need that encouragement that they are doing the right thing for their children, despite the societal pulls that gnaw at you and your family.

It's about time that someone finally wrote about how parents aren't "parents" anymore - they are so busy working, dating, buying they don't have time for their kids anymore and so, rather than be parents, they try to be their kids' friend instead. This doesn't work and the kids are really suffering for it. They don't know the meaning of the word "no"; have no tolerance for frustration, can't see others' points of view, and as Dr. Shaw says, they have no empathy. Just this week in People magazine are stories about how teen hazing is getting out of control - these kids can't even see what they're doing. Please get this book for every parent you know, and if you are a parent yourself, please buy it and read it now. We as a society need to hear this call to action and do something now.

Buy this book even if you have to save money to do so. The words were like music to my ears. The message is strong and clear but only if we take the responsibility to do something about today's attitudes of today's kids and us - the parents. Back talking, poor judgement, sassy, loud mouth kids who act just like their parents, are making it cool to have an "attitude" that is ruining our country and our complete souls. PLEASE do yourself a favor and buy it and give it away to as many people as possible. One other book that helps parents realize that chores and responsibilties will surely save one's sanity in family life is Mommy-CEO, by Jodie Lynn. Mrs. Lynn is a parenting/family columnist and shares similar ideas - and a few different topics - when it comes to unscheduling and undoing the "me" syndrome. Buy them both and get smart while getting a handle on your family for everyone's future. Wow - this is great! Thank God for these authors!

During the past 10 years, I've had countless encounters with completely uncontrolled, screaming, demanding children on a weekly - if not daily - basis. This is particularly strange since I am neither a parent, nanny or daycare provider. I have seen downright frightening tantrums everywhere I venture in public, from the grocery store to expensive restaurants to my office.

These encounters became so common that I began to notice children who were well behaved and polite as the exception; I began to congratulate parents with children who said something as basic as "hello" or "thank you," and felt tempted to gush if a 10-year-old held a door open for me.

All the while, it was the children for whom I felt most sorry - who were often clearly tired, had rarely if ever heard the word "no" in their brief lives, who cursed and swore at their parents. I could not fathom how on earth they were supposed to go about becoming happy, functional, satisfied adults.

Reading this book was such a relief to me, to know that my observations had been shared with others and, finally, a doctor! It was so refreshing to read a book that questions the completely permissive parenting I've witnessed so many times, and that focuses on the effects of this on the children who cannot know, at such young ages, to ask for discipline, for structure, for parents they can respect.

Parents I know - and here I mean those who have disciplined and punished their children as necessary and often been frowned upon for it - have found this book reinforcing. They've known, deep down, that they were doing a good job - the fact that their children are well behaved and polite and friendly is a testament to this. However, they've found it difficult not to question their methods when other parents glare at them in the grocery line for refusing to cave to demands for gum, candy and toys.

Despite the somewhat startling title of this book, it is an honest one, and this book is just that: honest, yet hopeful for the changes and results that can be brought about by parents doing their jobs. It doesn't take a shrink or medication to raise a happy, healthy, balanced and respectful child.

Well - someone is finally saying it - all this permissive parenting has got to stop. I, like many people, am sick of seeing kids throwing tantrums, backtalking and rolling their eyes, treating their parents and everyone else with total disrespect. I am also sick of watching parents do nothing about it - they are too tired, too busy, too uninvolved with their kids to discipline them and demand or deserve respect. Everyone needs to wake up, and Dr. Shaw is finally here with what he calls, not a "how-to" book, but a "what is necessary" book - kudos to Dr. Shaw for telling it like it is and helping parents, grandparents and even aunts and uncles help their kids to be happy, productive and a pleasure to be around. Buy this book!!!

If you read one parenting book your whole life, make it this one. I'll bet eighty percent of those who read it will buy another copy for a friend, and no wonder. It gives you hope, rather than being resolved that the teenage years will be stressful and likely tragic. I'm confident now. Bring 'em on! This books is so good that if arranged marrages were still kosher in this country (I'm not for them, just making a point), I'd require that my future son- or daughter-in-law was raised by parents who read this book and applied its teachings. Seriously,,,,,,,,buy a few. Read it with your spouse. Discuss it. This is one important book.

This book is one of the best parenting books I have ever read. It is a key read for anyone about to have children and those who already do. I admire Dr. Shaw's honesty and boldness about each topic. It is about time that someone told it like it is about over indulgent guilt ridden parents who care more about their agendas than the effort it takes to raise healthy, secure, happy children. This book will be the gift I give all new parents or maybe I will give it at wedding showers so they read it before they become parents...

As a parent I found this 'tough love' approach incredibly helpful. Doctor Shaw has identified an enormous problem, explained the causes and articulated methods and tools and rules towards solving that problem. We are mapping a new course with our kids and feeling confident with the choices we're making, thanks to this book.

I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Shaw a few weeks ago and talking with him at length; I took the opportunity to clarify some things in the book.

Shaw does not claim to have cornered the market on perfect parenting; however, he does have some guidelines on how parents can improve their parenting skills, and more importantly, he makes the reader scrutinize himself/herself.

One of the key things that I took away from the book and our conversation was that parents need to set boundaries and stick to them. It is a child's job to find those boundaries, and if we keep moving them back every time the child gets close, the child will not know how to be a part of society. Set the boundaries and stick to them. That said, you, as the mommy or daddy, get to choose where those boundaries are. Dr. Shaw has his recommendations, but it is up to the parents to actually set them and enforce them.

You can read this book and take away the notion that the sky is falling, or you can go away with the idea that we all have some room to improve. Shaw does not condemn working mothers; he just points out that, if you choose to hold a career outside the home, you give up some ability to foster a relationship with your child. It's not impossible, just harder.

However, Shaw does offer some "take it or leave it" advice--such as not feeding a child at night after six months, never sleeping in the parents' bed, etc. When asked why we, as parents, should do as he says, he responded, "Because I'm the expert." Arrogant? Perhaps, but how many of us have decades of experience in child psychology? I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, with the understanding that in my house, I still have the final say--because I'm the parent.

Much of what is spelled out in "Epidemic" is common sense; however, as Will Rogers put it, "Common sense ain't common." With the barrage of parenting books, each offering a different method, it can be hard to decide what is really common sense. The methodologies in this book might seem reasonable, or they might seem like utter nonsense--but most importantly, reading the book will make you stop and think about what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong.