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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Frat boy comes close to getting married at age 36 to an older woman and before the wedding he figured out she'd be high maintena, May 12, 2009
This review is from: Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage (Hardcover)
This book was just OK. It's one of those relationship books. It was kind of long and longwinded. The print was small, the pages were not tiny, but they were not huge either. Total pages came to 440 including the appendix material. I suppose I'm glad I read it. But I'm not sure. It included the following eight chapters:
1. The origination of the relationship
2. The foundation of the relationship: Common sense
3. The fork in the road
4. The development of the mind: Thoughts & feelings
5. Psychology: Biology or psychology
6. A psychological solution: Cognitive character therapy
7. Why? Why should relationships work?
8. Final thoughts
When I finished reading this book I felt as though there were four books chomping at the bit hidden in this one book:
>>The Author's Quest for a Happy Marriage
>>Happiness & Being at Peace with Yourself
>>Relationships and Insecurities that Threaten Relationships
>>Psychology & Therapists: Incompetent & Lazy
The first book is the one I thought I was going to read when I started. Unfortunately the other three books included got in the way. And I lost track of what the first book was really about. The second and third books kind of related to each other. And I think each could have been beefed up a little and made into fine books in their own right. Of course, they could have been combined into a coherent book and it would have been a good read, too.
The inclusion of the fourth book's material is what really killed this book for me. There was way too much included on self-help book authors, their quirks, their failings, and all that. And all that stuff about Carl Jung? Please!!! Clearly it appears that the marriage counselor the author worked with in his quest for a happy marriage wronged him. And I agree that there is a lot of incompetence, laziness, and quackery in the psychology profession. But I think the coverage included in this book went a little overboard.
I would have liked this book much more if it had been subjected to a good editing and cut down to a reasonable size. I think there was a place for the content in "books" 2 to 4 in the main book. But it needed to be kept in check so the main book could flow logically and succinctly. Also, the author went overboard on his use of exclamation points throughout the text. 3.5 stars!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Unique, Inspirational & Educational!, April 18, 2009
This review is from: Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage (Hardcover)
"EQUALITY" by author Tim Kellis is not a book that's based on research
to aid in counseling for married couples. It is not a novel that's focused on the opinion of psychologists, psychiatrists, and experts who
have worked with failing marital relationships. It is not a book based
on the opinion of religious experts who assisted couples during troubled
times. Experience,combined with intense research on the increasing divorce rate in the United States explained by Tim Kellis is what "EQUALITY" is all about. He describes the true meaning of happiness,
and the fine line between love, and hate. According to the author, and
experts who worked with hundreds of couples that were seeking professional advice to prevent divorce will all agree that two factors
are essential for every successful marriage. After working in the health
field for thirty years, along with observation of numerous couples who
filed for divorce, I agree that these two factors make up the golden key
to marital happiness. One lesson lived and learned through experience
is that we must face the nightmares in our past, bury them, forgive and
move on. If we choose to go on, pretending that our past was wonderful,
we will indeed transfer that pain onto the people we love dearly. The
second crucial lesson, and golden key to walk through the door of marital
happiness is that we must first be happy with ourselves. If we are unhappy with ourselves, and don't face hauntings from our past, then we
will walk into a new relationship, unintentionally transferring unhappiness and blame onto our partner. The months and years will pass
as sadness, hatred, and ambivalent feelings begin to grow like wildflowers. The final result will end in divorce, even though this is
not what the couples wanted, even if love does still exist. The damage
created unintentionally most of the time is not mended, it builds up,
and the couples have nothing left to hold onto, except sorrowful memories that resulted in departure. I recommend this novel to all
married couples, and to those who enter into a new relationship.
"EQUALITY" dives deep into the conscious, and unconscious, directing
the reader to how the mind works, and the impact of insecurities that
may be hidden for years. This novel is a unique, self-help book that
shines light on the beauty of love as viewed in "Love Story." It makes
the reader think of appropriate solutions and prevention of divorce
with a positive attitude, rather than direct the reader's attention to
negative aspects as viewed in War Of The Roses, or Gone With The Wind.
In comparison to the work of Dr. Sigmund Freud on his conclusion that
there's no where to go with our troubles with no solutions, current
research has proven this hypothesis to be untrue. I agree with Tim Kellis, and based on the work of Dr. Carl Jung that insecurities can in
fact be corrected, resulting in a healthy, happy marriage. Statistics
have noted that most health professionals, including myself, agree that
prevention and happiness is the best medicine of all!
Geraldine Ahearn AIOM HonDG (IBC)
Founding Member ABI Women's Review Board
CCRN/ author of 6 books
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4.0 out of 5 stars
A Journey Toward Happiness, March 12, 2009
This review is from: Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage (Hardcover)
When I began reading Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage, by Tim Kellis, I expected to read a typical counseling book such as those that fill the shelves of bookstores. Most of these are written by experts in the field of counseling who have degrees in psychology, psychiatry, or pastoral ministries. I was totally wrong in regard to the word "typical." This book delves deep into the mind, reminding readers of historical happenings, successful businesses, politics, education, religion, family backgrounds, and the scientific work of many individuals, all which, according to the author's findings, can unlock some of the mysteries as to what is behind the 50 percent divorce rate among couples who promised to love one another "for better or worse."
Although written for couples, this is also a self-help book for individuals who may find answers as to why happiness has always seemed to elude them. The author stresses that individuals must be happy within themselves before they can be happy in a relationship. It is not a book to be read in one setting since it is scholarly, philosophical and informative--a book that needs to be studied with an open, fervent mind. Much of the book is autobiographical as Mr. Kellis describes his early home life, education, successful career, various dating experiences and finally what happened when he met Suzanne who captured his heart--someone he truly believed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. At first the relationship was wonderful...it was beautiful...it was exciting...it was passionate...it was everything they both wanted. Tim and Suzanne got engaged, fought, went to therapy sessions, and eventually broke up. How could such a perfect beginning end so badly? There had to be answers, and he would find them!
The words "common sense" and "logic" are the threads that connect the chapters of this book through the author's insightful research and obvious intellect. Let's take a look at the word "equality" and its role in a couple's relationship. Though Mr. Kellis talks about past traditions, he emphasizes that the movement toward equality between men and women was, and continues to be, a progressive move that is morally and legally justified. He states that in a relationship both individuals must share equally in the feeling and thinking side of the psyche of the relationship. Men do feel and women do think; also men do think and women do feel! The author also believes that common sense leads a couple to take on the world together, rather than arguing with one another. Instead of becoming involved in faultfinding, both parties need to concentrate on problem solving by using logic and common sense to help resolve issues.
Among the many resources for his research, the author uses and critiques relationship books written by various authors and also studies the findings of scientists and health professionals--those from the past as well as those considered to be experts in today's society. Mr. Kellis has concluded that most of today's therapists do not actually understand the problems in a relationship, or if they do, they don't go far enough to actually find answers. He also believes that they don't know how to stop disagreements from turning into arguments. As someone who has done considerable counseling, I, too, believe this is true and that something is amiss with the training these professionals have received. The author emphasizes that faultfinding and simply defining a negative relationship does not lead to happiness; problem solving, on the other hand, gets to the root of problems and can save marriages. Readers are given a lot of information as to how the mind works, including how we all too often fall in love with someone because of looks and money, not understanding that we stay in love because of character. A very important lesson to be learned is that we must choose to get over our past experiences--including anger toward parents--or we will transfer such negative emotions onto our spouses. Face and forgive are two key words to avoid such transference. When an individual first falls in love, this is experienced in the conscious as happiness; however, if there are unresolved issues in the unconscious that have not been dealt with, the result will be fear and unhappiness. The author, through the help and advice of friends, was able to forgive his parents for negative childhood memories that he had carried around for years; only then did he find the key to experiencing real happiness. Suzanne, on the other hand, had never confronted her past and subsequently found fault after fault with him, a man she had loved so much--in the beginning.
Tim Kellis touches briefly on the works of Dr. Sigmund Freud whose hypothesis was that our behavior is determined by the brain we are born with. This leads to the conclusion that we can do nothing about our troubles. The author does not accept this theory but does embrace the work of Dr. Carl Jung who theorized that we have minds that develop and that we can correct our insecurities through the impact of our unconscious on our conscious. Dr. Jung spent his entire life delving into the workings of the mind.
This book encompasses a vast amount of information for the reader to digest; however, it is a book for those who have chosen to find the path to real happiness--perhaps to turn their backs on many established therapy practices and think for themselves. Think, feel, and behave! Equality: the Quest for the Happy Marriage will help make this possible.
At his last therapy session, the author received permission from his therapist to record the conversation. Readers are given a word-for-word transcript of the session and can reach their own conclusions as to what was accomplished.
It is my opinion that this book is unique and could prove to be a very helpful resource for individuals, couples, and professionals involved in counseling.
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