Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ``Love'' Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships [Paperback]

Anne Wilson Schaef (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 31, 1990

Schaef applies the addictions of sex, love, romance, and relationships to her broader addiction theory and clearly defines and contrasts the relationship addictions.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Sexual addiction, in Schaef's diagnosis, comes in many guises: an obsession with erotic activities, lust, child molesting, incest or an "anorexic" distaste for matters sexual. Besides sex addicts, Schaef ( Women's Reality ) here profiles two other types of addicts: "romance junkies," who seek escape from true intimacy through pseudo-relationships, and "relationship addicts"preoccupied with a particular person or with the need to have a relationship, real or fantasied. A former psychotherapist, Schaef insists that addictive ties are reinforced by underlying sick tendencies in our frantic, competitive culture. Romance addicts, for example, mesh with society's illusionary focus, which reinforces their avoidance of life's hard realities. The author outlines a 12-step program for recovery from self-destructive personal addictions. Her levelheaded yet powerful analysis holds up a startling mirror in which many readers will see themselves. Author tour.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"A valuable contribution to our understanding of these complex addictions." -- -- Jennifer Schneider, author of Back from Betrayal

"[Shaef's] levelheaded yet powerful analysis holds up a startling mirror in which many readers will see themselves." -- -- Jordan Paul, PH.D., author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne (August 31, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062548735
• ISBN-13: 978-0062548733
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #230,579 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

60 of 63 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars life-changing!, December 1, 2001

By 

L. Rephann "curious about everything" (Brooklyn, New York United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ``Love'' Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships (Paperback)

reading this short book has changed my life. i found myself detailed in practically every page. having experienced several failed relationships and a generally "unlucky in love" sort of life, i recognized myself in these profiles of sex, romance, and relationship addicts who form "pseudo relationships" that are designed to keep the addict from knowing her true self. Schaef, a recovered "pseudo relationship" addict, details all the tricks of this disease, which is a progressive and fatal addiction like all other addictions (drugs, alcohol).

if you think this statement sounds like malarky, read Schaef's book to see how true it is! Addiction serves to alter a person's mood or perception. This can be accomplished without drugs or alcohol. Relationship addiction is a "process addiction," whereby the addict spends his or her time focusing on an external stimulus (the relationship) instead of taking care of their Self! Most useful is Schaef's list of behaviors exhibit by sex, romance, or relationship addicts. I found myself in nearly every one!

This constellation of addictions is tricky to detect because the very skills to support the addiction "appear" to be relationship skills AS TAUGHT on tv, movies, in the general folklore of our culture. Which, as Schaef explains, is an addictive society, so it reinforces our addictive behaviors. These process addictions are VERY common, and at the heart of other conditions such as depression, anxiety, etc.

DO NOT BE FOOLED...cynics may read this review and find what I've written here to be self-help/new-age gibberish. Schaef's book is very short (158 pp.), extrememly readable, totally lucid, and very clearly organized, with information that builds on itself in an expert, lockstep manner.

I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who suffers in relationships. If you have failed relationship after failed relationship, or are in an abusive situation, or feel compelled to lie/cheat/distort the truth to maintain a relationship, or have any other self-realized behavior that you know is unhealthy but don't know what is "wrong," PLEASE READ THIS BOOK.

I believe this book will have a life-changing affect on anyone who reads it and relates to the information within. After all, the disease of addictive relationships is a disease of relating: we are not relating to people, but to our fantasies of what "relationships" SHOULD be.

28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A great book, May 8, 2000

By 

Cheryl A. Kozicky "Cheryl K" (Minneapolis, MN USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ``Love'' Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships (Paperback)

The book was very eye opening. Where I had previously labeled my self as 'Co-dependent' I can now see where it is truly another addition of MINE in my life. I had felt almost a superiority in wearing the 'Co-dependent' hat, and can see after reading this book how it is a mask that was hiding my own addiction. Now I have to do the work.

It was easy to read and very realistic - the examples were very helpful for me to see my own patterns in creating relationships. My favorite section began on page 103 " The following are some of the skills used to form pseudo- (addictive) relationships."... I am an expert at 9 out of 10 of the skills and previously thought that I was just a nice person, good friend, etc...

Great book.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Clear, informative and authoritative. Captivating..., May 20, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ``Love'' Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships (Paperback)

Highly recommended for anyone, ESPECIALLY MEN, wishing to learn about the realities of how we mis-apply sex, love, and relationships in our lives while trying to find that elusive realationship [sic; think about this spelling] we all yearn for. Anne's understanding and ability to easily explain what is happening makes this a book for everyone.