Customer Reviews

Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Peter Post, the great-grandson of etiquette expert Emily Post, President of the Emily Post Institute, and frequent conference speaker on business etiquette, has provided an enjoyable, pracitical book for younger men who would like to improve their social interactions.

Post begins by defining etiquette as the desire to be respectful, considerate, and honest toward those around us (and balance the three). Manners are defined as the ways in which these three things manifest themselves. With these definitions in mind, once can easily go through both the book and life having a good idea of what to do/not to do in a social setting.

Post has divided his book into three major sections: Everyday Live, Social Life, and On the Job. In each, he has several examples of "dos" and "don'ts" that seem silly to even address (loudly burping while at a business function, using deoderant, not calling female co-workers "Sweetie"), but he also has many techniques and guidelines that are quite helpful--this is especialy so for infrequent occasions like job interviews, attending a wedding, or "working a room" at a business-social function.

Another aspect of this book that I enjoyed was Post's writing style. Knowing that etiquette is often viewed as an "upper class" type thing, Post plays into this stereotype tonge-in-cheek as he uses fictional examples of visiting vacation homes on the beach and attending cricket matches. He also writes in a "high class" yet very readable style and uses humerous names for fictional charactes (Dan Petrefied, Heather Nervous, etc.).

While older gentlemen will probably have mastered many (but probably not all) of the manners and techniques Post writes about, younger men will probably benefit most from this book. Some can benefit from a little refining or incorporating techniques, others are probably doing just fine in social situations, but can use the confidence boost that this book can provide. Recommended.

In this triumph of principles over dogma, the great-grandson of Emily Post provides a practical, no-nonsense, research-based guide for any man wishing to improving his relations with others at home, work, or elsewhere. This aptly-titled book first boils all of etiquette down to one timeless principle from Emily Post, and the rest of it couches the most common situations ("common" according to survey) in terms of this principle.

I had several epiphanies because this book explains WHY. Now I understand the *reason* for putting the toilet seat down, not using profanity, etc. These eye-openers were not what I expected and make the manners obvious so that there's nothing to remember. There is a simple discussion of staring (ogling) and how to avoid it, and it works!

The author acknowledges that etiquette does not apply everywhere. The two other books on men's manners I looked at were somewhat dogmatic and arbitrary, and this was the jewel.

Contrary to another review, the only mention of a vacation house and cricket is on pages 120-121 as a hypothetical example of something that the invited guest is UN-familiar with. For the record, I find Peter Post to be remarkably accessible and down-to-earth. He writes openly about passing gas, spitting, and other "small grossnesses." (The message is HOW to do these things if you must, rather than just "don't do it.") I did not find any paragraph to be the least bit pretentious, condescending, snooty, or hoity-toity.

A man is more attractive when confident. This book triggered long-overdue changes in how others respond to me, and raised my dignity.

Many men sabotage opportunities and hurt others because they are unaware of basic ettiquette. Recently I spoke with an employee who described inept, offensive behaviors of another male employee who is basically well meaning. I purchased this book for him, which he enjoyed very much and found enlightening. I also gave him Optimal Thinking: How To Be Your Best Self to learn how to make the be his best, optimize situations and bring out the best from others. I have seen a remarkable change in his demeanor so I recommend both of these books.

First let me say I like this book. However there are a few small items that make the book a touch annoying.

First the author drops anecdotes or examples in bold print in the middle of his paragraphs. The anecdotes/examples would have been much better placed at the end of the paragraphs instead of mid thought.

Second the writer comes off sounding very pretentious with references to staying at friends beach houses and going to cricket matches. Great that you have a life that affords you cricket matches and Beach Houses; but can you stay focused on helping us poor slobs who want to do the right then when we go to a kegger? I found his references to a life most of us won?t know a little distracting ? like manners are for rich people.

Finally, The best thing in this entire book is the tipping section - who and how much to tip - this section alone has saved me the cost of the book.

The title, for the first time EVER on a book like this, is accurate.

I, personally, was not taught the manners that I apparently should have been. I grew up in a place with little formality and little pretentiousness. As this book explains, manners are not a matter of pretentiousness, though. They are simply the behaviors that keep people from feeling uncomfortable. Once you begin to understand this, these quirky, silly rules become a little more fun and a lot more tolerable.

This book covers most of what you will need to know. Most of the things in here are common sense enough, but the one thing that it really helps with are circumstance-specific pointers (including a VERY useful guide of appropriate vs. inappropriate business/casual clothes).

One thing that it doesn't mention, but that may be well out of its purview, is that communication is an oft difficult but always essential factor of any relationship. ANY relationship, be it business, personal, or with an acquiantance or stranger. The fact of the matter is that this book is largely about interpersonal rules of communication (verbal and non), so it may not be as out of the way as it initially seems. A chapter or two, or pointers in the individual chapters, covering appropriate methods to discuss more situations would have made this from merely essential and really good to absolutely essential and superb.

This is about the only drawback, though. I read through this in less than a day. It is about 150 pages, so it should take most people four hours of reasonable concentration. Its pointers are invaluable, and most of them are simple enought that, once taught, you will never forget.

All told, a wonderful primer for any young man. I think that this would make an especially good gift for a boy at his bar mitzvah or at an early teen birthday. These are the skills by which a man is judged, and this book will polish your skills and make a more polite man out of you.

Cheers for Mr. Post. Excellently done, sir. Thank you for your advice. If I simply had your address, I would drop a hand-written note in the mail, with a stamp, to thank you again for taking your valuable time to write something so helpful to me, and to so many others.

Buy it, read it, learn it. Buy copies for others, but don't give yours away. Reread it periodically, JUST IN CASE. Excellent manners are not snooty or pretentious. They serve the purpose of allowing everyone to have a good time. Use them.
Thank you sir.
Harkius

I bought this book hoping to be both entertained and instructed about how traditional gentlemanly ways should be applied or adapted to our times. In many respects, Essential Manners for Men did not disappoint; the author's impressive credentials are indeed sufficient to make one listen and take notes about everything etiquette.

The work is divided into three sections that include most situations in which a man will find himself--Everyday Life, Social Life and On the Job--making the book quite complete in terms of topics covered. And refreshingly, the author defines etiquette at the start of the book--as behavior containing the three ingredients of Consideration, Respect and Honesty. This definition is used as a prism to analyze the behaviors covered by the book, an approach that makes the advice consistent and easy to remember.

Each of the three major sections of the book are sub-divided into chapters covering more specific situations in which a man may face the forked path of right and wrong behavior--such as in the car, in the gym, on the phone, on a date, at the dinner-table, in an interview or at his office-desk. Besides the aforementioned Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Post covers each situation in light of two things: commonsense (which is not as common as many think) and what others, especially women, may find offensive, annoying or plain boorish. In support of his ideas, Post includes the results of many surveys showing such things as "what women find most annoying in a man," which are undoubtedly valuable tidbits for us chaps.

In general, the result is a collection of solid, basic advice on how not to impress others negatively. And basic though it may be, I defy any of us guys reading this to be able to check off every "do" as something we always remember to do--from leaving the toilet-seat down to stoically keeping our eyes on the "time elapsed" display while a modern Venus De Milo graces the StairMaster in front of ours.

This book may be especially valuable for guys on the younger side who are just starting out on the social scene and who may need a reminder that yes, their parents actually knew what they were talking about when they said that hogging the remote control would make a bad impression on your guests.

On the downside, I found some of the reading to be a little humorless and occasionally trite. I was hoping to hear Jeeves, half-smiledly guiding me through the timeless Ganymede club of gentlemanly behavior; but I sometimes got a stereotypical lecturing dad, a moralizing minister or a dry statistician telling me what polls say I should or should not do. Then, some of the advice was overstated. Yes, failing to leave the toilet-seat down is not terribly good manners; it will however not make or break your marriage--and if it does perhaps that says more about your partner than you.

But perhaps this point of criticism is a tad unfair, since the book actually delivers exactly what it promises. It is, after all, entitled "ESSENTIAL Manners for Men." As such, I think it should belong on the shelves of most of us guys, and it should be re-read from time to time. However, there are other books that make for a more interesting read and treat the subject from a more artistic/philosophical angle--such as the delightfully old-fashioned work by Willy Farnese "The True Gentleman," which (alas) is no longer in print.

This book is helpful enough that you should buy a copy and expect to refer to it occasionally. Where it helped me the most is the etiquette of tipping. On one of my last dates, I was annoyed at the waiter's insufficiently attentive service, so I wanted to withhold any tip. My date insisted I tip him just because of servers' negligible pay. I did what she wanted, and eventually learned from this book that I was wrong and she was right; waiters and other people giving service should be tipped something whether they give good service or not, and the well-mannered response to poor service is to give a smaller tip.

Its a great and entertaining book. furthermore, it was easy to read and very practical.

An timelesss classic. In my opinion the author brings American men back to basics.
Anyone can confront a rude patron in a movie theater whose talking on the their cellphone, however by simply applying one of the book's principles you can solve the problem in a non-confrontational manner and enjoy the rest of the movie.

Highly recommended!

My parents bought this as a Christmas present for me back when I was in high school, and I've found many of the lessons I learned in it to be very helpful and useful in dealing with people in a variety of situations. The examples are funny, it's an easy read, and it effectively gives pointers on how to behave like a gentleman.
I've had many opportunities to use the lessons in this book (meeting the girlfriend's parents, being a houseguest, etc) and have received many compliments on having good manners which seem to have disappeared for many young men.
I strongly recommend that every male buy this book; parents of high school males should get this for their sons.