105 of 115 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Amazing, essential book for all relationships, April 24, 2009
This review is from: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (Paperback)
The Ethical Slut is incredible!
I first read The Ethical Slut (first edition) as part of a college course. As an undergrad, I was already well on my way to being a proud slut - I did the usual versions of short-term college dating, hookups, friends-with-benefits, threesomes, and the like, with or without a committed partner at various times. It all felt natural and right, but there were invariably awkward moments of poor negotiation, misunderstood communication, and mis-handled jealousy.
When I read The Ethical Slut, I found an amazing wealth of information and suggestions on how I could make my various relationships work better and more smoothly. I wished I'd had this book all along - it would have saved so much trouble! If only I'd known that an agreement to "see other people" wasn't nearly complete enough! The Ethical Slut lays out all the things to think about in having open relationships of various sorts. I've been called a slut since I was 14, but it was this book that gave me the idea that being a slut could be a good thing - and now I couldn't be happier with my fabulous life as a proud slut.
The Ethical Slut is an entertaining, readable, real-life explanation of all the options in relationships. Whether you want to be single or partnered or grouped, poly or monogamous, or whatever else, this book helps you figure out all the possibilities better. It's THE relationship book for anyone who wants more options than a "leave-it-to-beaver" relationship.
If you're just starting to explore open relationships, or you're even just thinking about it, there's no better place to start than with this book. And if you're already immersed in poly life, it's got the "advanced level" information you need. For those who know and love the first edition, the second edition is definitely worth adding to your collection. There's a ton of new information on the really crucial details of how to make all sorts of poly and open relationships work.
The second edition now has exercises exercises, taken from Dossie Easton's work as a therapist with poly folks, that you and/or your partner(s) can work on together. I loved the new section on living as a single slut - which makes the point that sluthood and open loving can be an identity that doesn't require a conventional partnership to secure or ground it. It also offers ideas on how to get one's needs met from a network of friends and lovers - useful information for pretty much anyone. The new segments on handling jealousy and conflict are especially good for those of us who have been involved in poly relationships for some time and need the more detailed info, from the voices of experience, to help through the rough spots. I feel like I'm always learning in poly relationships, and every time I go back to The Ethical Slut, there's some tidbit that helps with the complicated, hard, or unexpected parts of a generally fabulous poly life.
Whether you've read the first edition or not, this is definitely a book you should own. I've read it 3 or 4 times now, and I keep going back to it to check out certain sections that become more relevant as I encounter new poly challenges.
Rather than offering generalities and theories, The Ethical Slut speaks from many people's experience over many decades. It's the real-life information that you need to make all your relationships amazing!!
(and, speaking of making sex and play and relationships amazing, check out some of Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy's other books - The Topping Book, The Bottoming Book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, and Radical Ecstasy!)
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
45 of 52 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
opened my mind to new possibilities!, March 10, 2009
This review is from: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (Paperback)
I have always loved sex, but growing up in the South, felt a bit guilty about that. Even though I had open-minded parents, the society around me shaped my beliefs more than I often like to admit.
I found this book very helpful as it showed me that I am not the only one to feel as I do about sex and, more importantly, that I'm not a "bad" person for feeling this way.
Whether or not you are interested in having more sex, or justifying the sex you already have, this book will help you to work with the mental issues around that.
Being an "ethical slut" is about much more than sex though-- it's about having the courage to express your feelings and following your desires. It's about expanding yourself to new levels and going way beyond the limits society has set for you.
Of course, that is my definition. One of the great things about this book is that it allows you to define "ethical slut" for yourself. The authors throw it all out there. Bisexuality, multiple partners are once, marriage, leather, bondage, and more is included here. You pick what works for you. You're also free to change that at any time.
Good book. Very progressive and certainly not for everybody. The book encourages you to follow your own road though, so if you read it, do so knowing that it's perfectly ok for you to disagree.
A related book, which I also love, and I think you will also, is
Just Fk Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. Something else to make you question everything and come up with your own thoughts.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good information, format a little lacking, August 27, 2010
This review is from: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (Paperback)
While the book offers many humorous anecdotal examples of how polyamorous couples are able to successfully navigate the challenges of multi-partner pairing, I found the exercises that readers are supposed to complete with their partner(s) a bit lacking. In short, it is a useful tool for reinforcing or promoting the idea that it is not morally or biologically "better" to be strictly monogamous, but it is not the only literature to consider before making any lifestyle changes. Additionally, the topics of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies are not treated with appropriate seriousness, but instead are glazed over as minor impediments.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
