The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words [Hardcover]

Susan P. Halpern (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 17, 2004

What should I say when I hear that my friend has cancer?
How can I help but not get in the way?
How do I let my loved ones know what I need?

The Etiquette of Illness is a wise, encouraging, and essential guide to navigating the complex terrain of illness. This collection of anecdotes and insights will help those who feel awkward and unsure about responding to a friend, colleague, or relative who is suffering. The book is also for people who are ill and want to engage with their loved ones effectively. We read about a range of people who are dealing with chronic illness, doctor-patient communications, and end-of-life issues-and who are striving to find their way with awareness and compassion.

Drawing on her years of counseling people with serious illness, as well as her own experiences with cancer, Susan Halpern presents an insightful book of the utmost relevance for patients, their caregivers, and their family and friends - a group which will, at some point, include all of us.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Halpern, a psychotherapist, social worker and founder of the New York Cancer Help Program, shares here her considerable expertise on how best to comfort a close friend, colleague or relation who is living with a serious physical or mental illness. Practical suggestions are illustrated by compelling stories from her professional life, as well as from her own experiences after being diagnosed with low-grade lymphoma in 1995. Rather than focusing on what precise terminology to use, Halpern believes that what we say depends on the individual, the relationship and one's own self-consciousness. So long as the words come from the heart, it is the expression of true compassionate feeling that will be remembered by the recipient. In calming, well-crafted prose the author addresses a number of particular situations including advising friends on the importance of connecting with a physician who knows how to listen and talk to patients, less conventional ways of communicating with those who are dying and ways to effectively assist the chronically ill. She recounts the example of one helpful woman who drops off cooked food for an ill friend, but only stays to chat if her company is welcome rather than tiring. Of particular interest to parents will be Halpern's insightful chapter on talking to children about serious illness and death, in ways that are both truthful and as reassuring as possible. First serial to O: The Oprah Magazine.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Halpern ...shares here her considerable expertise...Practical suggestions are iillustrated by compelling stories from her professional life... in calming, well-crafted prose." -- Publishers Weekly

"Intensely personal and full of captivating stories, The Etiquette of Illness emmbeds practical advice in easily accessible prose." -- Christine K. Cassel, M.D., MACP, president of the American Board of Internal Med

"Practical and vastly compassionate. I recommend it to anyone who wants to visitt a seriously sick friend." -- Daniel Goleman

"This is the most helpful book for hard times that I have read in years." -- Bill Moyers

"This moving book has a message that shines with wisdom and hope. Susan's advicee is sound and useful." -- Andrew Weil, M.D.

"Valuable and gratifying...Susan Halpern gives us words when our own are most liikely to fail us." -- Jon Kabat-Zinn

"Wise, compassionate and very down-to-earth, this book illuminates our relationnship with illness and with each other." -- Joseph Goldstein

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Bloomsbury USA; 1 edition (April 17, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1582343837
• ISBN-13: 978-1582343839
• Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #258,951 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Etiquette as Therapy, March 19, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words (Hardcover)

Coincidently,just before reading this book I had a conversation with a friend about her daughter's breast cancer and how so very many people said the wrong things to her duaghter trying to be sympathetic. This book gives the right questions to ask of a friend who is ill and to the questions, as well, about how to be helpful without intruding. It also advises the person who is sick on how to ask for help and comfort. The book manages to be amazingly soothing in its effect and I don't mean that in a wishy washy sense at all. Quite the contrary. It is difficult to read about these issues of life-threatening illness without feelings of anxiety and sadness. Halpern has managed to communicate softness and peace, a Zen-like tone that makes the reader feel that these events are part of the life cycle and not the horrible other of bad dreams that render the dreamers helpless. She doesn't mitigate the devastating effects of illness or the possibility of loss, but instead offers positive actions that can turn helplessness into helpful action. Her voice, calming and kind, was there as much as if she were in the room with you.

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A gem of a book!, April 20, 2004

By 

Eva Eilenberg (Los Angeles, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words (Hardcover)

Congratulations to Susan Halpern for creating a beautiful, thoughtful, accessible and spiritual work on a complex subject. I loved that the vignettes that comprise the bulk of the book are so short, simple and non-judgmental. That the author has transformed her own experiences with illness and death into such a constructive and generous contribution to our world is as impressive as it is inspiring. If you?ve ever paused to consider how to address your own or someone else?s hardships, you will appreciate this gem of a book.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful, moving and helpful, March 28, 2004

By 

Melvin Hollinsworth (San Francisco, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words (Hardcover)

I found that this book exceeded the excellent things I'd heard about it. It provided down-to-earth, practical advice on how to talk about illness and dying with loved ones. Equally useful for young and old. I'm going to order more copies to give as gifts because this book is so warm, wonderful and enriching