284 of 330 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Behaviour Modification at the expense of Real Change, November 3, 2006
" As a pastor, I am well-aware that the issue of sexual sin is one of the most pervasive and knotty issues facing the church today. But, unfortunately, there is a paucity of biblical, gospel-centered materials addressing this issue. Every Man's Battle certainly takes the issue head-on in a deadly serious manner, but the book's fundamental theology and resultant methodology are flawed enough that as a pastor not only would I not recommend it, I would actually encourage congregants not to read it. Here's the reason:
- The significance of the work of Jesus for this particular issue does not show up at all until pg. 90, and there, it is only two short paragraphs! This is the book's primary shortfall. It offer's a "Christian" solution without talking much about Christ or the gospel ("gospel" used as a shorthand for his life, death, resurrection, ascension, and promised return.) Whereas the Bible recommends the gospel as not only the way to get into the kingdom, but the way to grow and mature (Col 2:6 "Just as you have received Christ, continue to live in him...), EMB doesn't really even explain the gospel as entry-point, and totally misses any perspective as to how the gospel "speaks" to the issue at hand. Though the authors would certainly reject this assessment, their counsel avoids the gospel as it pertains to sexual sin, providing essentially man-centered techniques instead.
- It's basic methodology is built on the presumption that what is missing in this conversation in the church is an amplification of the LAW. First of all, this is a monumental misread of the current church culture. Do the authors truly think that men do not feel guilty enough about this issue? that they don't believe that God disapproves of promiscuity?!? In contrast, I don't believe that there is another issue that produces this much guilt in the church! In the current climate, a man can be absolutely narcissistic, materialistic, angry, unfaithful at public worship, and yet assess his spiritual health rather positively. Men allow themselves a "pass" in these areas, but I have yet to meet a male believer who does not see their sin more clearly vis-a-vis their sexual temptations. To each of these men, EMB offers "remember Job", "he made a covenant with his eyes." In other words, remember, "God said `don't do it.'" No man who feels the weight of sin in this area disbelieves this! And chanting verses like this one from the Book of Job will not increase their chances of finding purity in their private thoughts. If a man is actually struggling with temptation and not just giving in, simply reminding them of the rules will not do; after years of habitually breaking the rules, they want to know HOW they can actually begin to FOLLOW them. What is needed in this whole equation is not repetition and amplification of the Law! This would not only be a faulty diagnosis of the church landscape, but a monumental misread of what the Bible says about how people change. I personally do not think the writers understand biblical sanctification or the Bible's grace/law dynamic. Law of course does point out sin and demonstrates the "holiness gap" between man and God, but law without gospel actually intensifies desire and temptation (Gal 3, Rom 5, 7). EMB recounts the Law concerning sexual sin in mind-numbing detail, but fails to give any clear teaching on how the gospel is the answer and power to fulfilling the Law. This book in other words, is better constructed to intensify desire than it is to illuminate a road to healing and holiness. Ironically, what this means is that the authors' view of the law is not too HIGH but too LOW. If sexual sin can be defeated by simply reminding readers for 200 pages that God says, "don't do it" and giving some practical behavioral advice; their view of sin is lower than that of the gospel, which says sin is only defeated by the life, sacrifice, and continued work of Jesus.
- Connected to this last point, because the book deals only with the Law, their "answer" deals ONLY with external behavior, what we could call the "cold shower technique." In this way, this book embodies the worst elements of modern Christian counseling. When faced with a man struggling with sexual addiction, their counsel basically amounts to 1. remember that God said "don't." 2. Change your environment (get accountability, disregard billboards, unplug the computer, etc.) They never get to the issue of idolatry, of which sexual sin is simply a behavioral symptom. They actually argue (p. 112) that masturbation is a symptom of uncontrolled eyes and free-racing thoughts. But these are ALL behaviors, they are ALL symptoms of a deeper root of sin. They are all three indicators that someone is disbelieving the gospel, that they are not finding their significance, meaning, pleasure and wholeness in the love of Jesus Christ for them as expressed in the gospel. Until a man begins to deal with issues of basic idolatry, even if the symptoms decrease or are stopped altogether, they are not in any better position to truly love God and neighbor. The idolatry of their heart will simply find some other behavioral form of expression. But, what is most tragic about this is that because men feel most guilty about sexual sin, this new form of sin may actually show them their need for Christ LESS. For example, they may stop looking at pornography by removing a computer from their house. But, having failed to deal with the reason that they were seeking out pornography in the first place, they will simply adopt a different behavior to give expression to their deep brokenness and idolatry. Maybe they will stop reading Playboy but begin struggling more intently with fear/worry, gluttony, materialism, anger, etc. However, because these sins are not as "bad" as lust, they will pat themselves on the back for this progress and will no longer have the acute awareness of their sinfulness that the previous struggle provided. If readers faithfully apply the principles in EMB, they will think they're making progress when, in reality, all they've done is changed the channel. Until the brokenness and emptiness of the heart is dealt with, until sexual sin is seen as an expression of a deeper sin of idolatry and dissatisfaction with Jesus, the person will never have the much sought after victory even if they manage to stop this particular behavioral pattern.
- Their "be a man"/gallantry of the "greatest generation" counsel is another thread of their misunderstanding of sin and the Law. Basically EMB says, "if you were a man, you would follow the law...you would keep the covenant with your eyes." In this dynamic, not only is the reader ill-equipped to follow the law, but they are made to interpret their failure to do so as a problem with their manhood rather than in the fact that they are sinners. This is like Donald Rumsfeld withholding appropriate armor from the artillery and then calling them "pansies" when they complain of lacerations from shrapnel. We don't disobey the law because we're wimps but because we are sinners, and holiness does not come from being manly but from admitting our failure and repenting of it.
- This connects with EMB's faulty view of sin and holiness. On page 92 they claim, "you will be holy when you choose not to sin." Again, this explicitly concludes what is implicit on every page, that what separates us from God, and what God is most concerned about is our behavior. And, that when confronted with the law, which regulates our behavior, that it is in our power to simply change. I doubt they would articulate it this way, but this is the natural conclusion readers will reach, either consciously or unconsciously. EMB would have us believe that all that is wrong with us is that we are making bad choices, and that if we would simply stop doing this then we would be holy, blameless, and could look God in the eye (they use the concept of "being able to look God in the eye" as indicative of victory over sexual sin.) But, again, the Bible stands in contradiction to EMB's basic theology. The problem of sin is not only that we have violated the law, but also that we are absolutely unclean in our whole being. Not only do we break rules but we are separated from God because we are wholly unrighteous and love what is evil. Until our love and affections are re-directed, our behavior is not going to change in any qualitative sense.
- This is what is embodied in the law side of the gospel - that we are all more sinful than we can imagine. Our sinfulness is not fully encapsulated by our outward behavior. But the other side of the gospel, what EMB also misses, is that Christians are made to be righteous by the declaration of the Lord, by being put in union with him, not because of their reformed behavior. Christians begin to battle sin rather than simply letting it run free in their lives because they have been made holy by God's decree and have been given a new heart and will; they do not become holy because they have changed their behavior. EMB has the gospel exactly backwards, and that is why it will not help anyone to change in the manner that God desires. And in fact, as stated above, it could actually make matters worse.
- Finally, there is virtually no role for the organized church to play in EMB's method. The practical help in defeating sexual sin is almost completely privatized. Accountability is at times recommended, and this I guess is somewhat communitarian, but no mention is made of the centrality of public worship or the sacraments in working the gospel and Christ-centered change more deeply into someone's life. No mention of the role of the pastor or church leaders is provided, no suggestion is made of the power of community within the local church. And in this way, EMB is similar to a large majority of the Christian-living books presently in print.
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36 of 39 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Woman's Point of View, May 12, 2001
I read this book to help support my fiancee who is struggling with sexual addiction. I had heard the quip "All men a perverts and all women are nieve to the fact" before, but I didn't realize how much of a spiritual burden this is to them. This book has helped to open my eyes to the struggle he is going through, and what I can do to help him as well as the male population in general...modest dress, choosing movies and music with wisdom, and fervent prayer.
I was somewhat disappointed with the women in the book, however. All of them had very negative reactions to the sin...which is appropiate. However, there also seemed to a very strong pattern of anger and judgement. That was the disappointing part. I felt more sorrow than anger, and I know that there are godly women out there who share my reaction. I guess my only complaint is that the women's section was too general and didn't allow for a wide variety of women's reactions.There are godly women out there who want to help you in the battle and will do so with honesty and maturity, but will allow you to fight the battle that only you, as a man, can truly understand.
Over all, this book has been extremely helpful in teaching both my fiancee and I of an effective battle plan to deal with sexual addiction in our relationship and giving us a glimps of the victory that the Lord has for us.
Men of God...you are in my prayers.
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118 of 138 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
We can make an covenant with our eyes, January 14, 2002
As a man, just completing the book, "Every Man's Battle", I must assure all Christian men and women out there that this book is an excellent resource for Christian men, and for their wives to understand the battles we go through. It does not make us think that women have no battles of their own and as such Christian women should come out in counsel of the battle.
However, this book is written for us, single and married men alike, to better understand ourselves, and whom we stand with in this battle. Sometimes I felt like Fred and Steve, and other times I raised my eyebrows at them. However, what I did feel was their honesty, and having had sessions with Christian men, I understand how powerful honesty is among men, that we can be open and free to speak about certain topics without fear of reproach. Like Job, and Fred, I too have now made that covenant with my eyes. I do it out of obedience to God and honour of my future wife. I applaud the openness in this book, and the faith I got in referring to the scriptures that I am not alone in this battle, and I can win the war ahead in my eyes, my mind and my heart. I really believed before that this was just a battle that I would have to live with. But I say thanks to Fred, Steve, Mike and Dan for putting this book together.
I've shared the insights I've learned with many friends and have begun passing the book around to them, so they can learn and be encouraged. I must admit I've never heard of Fred Stoeker before, but he has gained my respect as a man of God who can stand on his sexual integrity and an excellent author and counsellor in his own right.
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