Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) (Paperback)

~ (Author), Fred Stoeker (Author), Mike Yorkey (Editor) "In 1983 my wife, Sandy, and I celebrated our first anniversary..." (more)
Key Phrases: mustang mind, cherishing heart, choosing victory, Forrest Gump, Song of Songs, Sally Field (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"There is no more common enemy of true manhood than the diversion or the perversion of our sexual capacities. I welcome every contribution to the arsenal of resistance."

-Jack W. Hayford, Litt.D., pastor of The Church on the Way and president of The King's Seminary

"The vulnerable, honest, and insightful pages of this book reveal what every
man must know."

-Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

"Clear, practical principles for sexual purity...a call for courage, commitment,
and self-discipline."

-Dr. John C. Maxwell, founder of The INJOY Group

"Read with an open heart, Every Man's Battle may save your marriage and your witness."

-Dr. Gary Rosberg, president of America's Family Coaches
author of Guard Your Heart and The Five Love Needs of Men and Women -- Review

Review

"There is no more common enemy of true manhood than the diversion or the perversion of our sexual capacities. I welcome every contribution to the arsenal of resistance."

-Jack W. Hayford, Litt.D., pastor of The Church on the Way and president of The King's Seminary

"The vulnerable, honest, and insightful pages of this book reveal what every
man must know."

-Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

"Clear, practical principles for sexual purity...a call for courage, commitment,
and self-discipline."

-Dr. John C. Maxwell, founder of The INJOY Group

"Read with an open heart, Every Man's Battle may save your marriage and your witness."

-Dr. Gary Rosberg, president of America's Family Coaches
author of Guard Your Heart and The Five Love Needs of Men and Women

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: WaterBrook Press; 1ST edition (July 18, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1578563682
• ISBN-13: 978-1578563685
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (175 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #25,876 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

90 of 101 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Behaviour Modification at the expense of Real Change, November 3, 2006

By	Christopher B. Prentiss (Portland, OR) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Instead of categorizing Christian books by "fiction", "biography", "devotional", etc., I wish we could characterize them by how helpful and biblical they are. In a lot of bookstores and websites like christianbook.com, 90% of the inventory would be labeled, "sounds biblical but not really", "obscures Jesus", "Dr. Phil with Bible verses tacked-on", or "destructive and harmful." As a pastor, I am well-aware that the issue of sexual sin is one of the most pervasive and knotty issues facing the church today. But, unfortunately, there is a paucity of biblical, gospel-centered materials addressing this issue. Every Man's Battle certainly takes the issue head-on in a deadly serious manner, but on the continuum above, falls somewhere between "obscures Jesus" and "harmful."

Though this may not be obvious because there is a smorgasbord of Bible verses, the book's background theology and resultant methodology are flawed enough that as a pastor not only would I not recommend it, I would actually encourage congregants not to read it. Let me try to be specific...

- The significance of the work of Jesus for this particular issue does not show up at all until pg. 90, and there, it is only two short paragraphs! This is the book's primary shortfall. It offer's a "Christian" solution without talking much about Christ or the gospel ("gospel" used as a heuristic for his life, death, resurrection, ascension, present intercession, promised return.) Whereas the Bible recommends the gospel as not only the way to get into the kingdom, but the way to grow and mature (Col 2:6 "Just as you have received Christ, continue to live in him...), EMB doesn't really even explain the gospel as entry-point, and totally misses any perspective as to how the gospel "speaks" to the issue at hand. Though the authors would certainly reject this assessment, their counsel avoids the gospel as it pertains to sexual sin, providing essentially man-centered techniques instead.

- It's basic methodology is built on the presumption that what is missing in this conversation in the church is an amplification of the LAW. First of all, this is a monumental misread of the current church culture. Do the authors truly think that men do not feel guilty enough about this issue? that they don't believe that God disapproves of promiscuity?!? In contrast, I don't believe that there is another issue that produces this much guilt in the church! In the current climate, a man can be absolutely narcissistic, materialistic, angry, unfaithful at public worship, and yet assess his spiritual health rather positively. Men allow themselves a "pass" in these areas, but I have yet to meet a male believer who does not see their sin more clearly vis-a-vis their sexual temptations. To each of these men, EMB offers "remember Job", "he made a covenant with his eyes." In other words, remember, "God said `don't do it.'" No man who feels the weight of sin in this area disbelieves this! And chanting verses like this one from the Book of Job will not increase their chances of finding purity in their private thoughts. If a man is actually struggling with temptation and not just giving in, simply reminding them of the rules will not do; after years of habitually breaking the rules, they want to know HOW they can actually begin to FOLLOW them. What is needed in this whole equation is not repetition and amplification of the Law! This would not only be a faulty diagnosis of the church landscape, but a monumental misread of what the Bible says about how people change. I personally do not think the writers understand biblical sanctification or the Bible's grace/law dynamic. Law of course does point out sin and demonstrates the "holiness gap" between man and God, but law without gospel actually intensifies desire and temptation (Gal 3, Rom 5, 7). EMB recounts the Law concerning sexual sin in mind-numbing detail, but fails to give any clear teaching on how the gospel is the answer and power to fulfilling the Law. This book in other words, is better constructed to intensify desire than it is to illuminate a road to healing and holiness. Ironically, what this means is that the authors' view of the law is not too HIGH but too LOW. If sexual sin can be defeated by simply reminding readers for 200 pages that God says, "don't do it" and giving some practical behavioral advice; their view of sin is lower than that of the gospel, which says sin is only defeated by the life, sacrifice, and continued work of Jesus.

- Connected to this last point, because the book deals only with the Law, their "answer" deals ONLY with external behavior, what we could call the "cold shower technique." In this way, this book embodies the worst elements of modern Christian counseling. When faced with a man struggling with sexual addiction, their counsel basically amounts to 1. remember that God said "don't." 2. Change your environment (get accountability, disregard billboards, unplug the computer, etc.) They never get to the issue of idolatry, of which sexual sin is simply a behavioral symptom. They actually argue (p. 112) that masturbation is a symptom of uncontrolled eyes and free-racing thoughts. But these are ALL behaviors, they are ALL symptoms of a deeper root of sin. They are all three indicators that someone is disbelieving the gospel, that they are not finding their significance, meaning, pleasure and wholeness in the love of Jesus Christ for them as expressed in the gospel. Until a man begins to deal with issues of basic idolatry, even if the symptoms decrease or are stopped altogether, they are not in any better position to truly love God and neighbor. The idolatry of their heart will simply find some other behavioral form of expression. But, what is most tragic about this is that because men feel most guilty about sexual sin, this new form of sin may actually show them their need for Christ LESS. For example, they may stop looking at pornography by removing a computer from their house. But, having failed to deal with the reason that they were seeking out pornography in the first place, they will simply adopt a different behavior to give expression to their deep brokenness and idolatry. Maybe they will stop reading Playboy but begin struggling more intently with fear/worry, gluttony, materialism, anger, etc. However, because these sins are not as "bad" as lust, they will pat themselves on the back for this progress and will no longer have the acute awareness of their sinfulness that the previous struggle provided. If readers faithfully apply the principles in EMB, they will think they're making progress when, in reality, all they've done is changed the channel. Until the brokenness and emptiness of the heart is dealt with, until sexual sin is seen as an expression of a deeper sin of idolatry and dissatisfaction with Jesus, the person will never have the much sought after victory even if they manage to stop this particular behavioral pattern.

- Their "be a man"/gallantry of the "greatest generation" counsel is another thread of their misunderstanding of sin and the Law. Basically EMB says, "if you were a man, you would follow the law...you would keep the covenant with your eyes." In this dynamic, not only is the reader ill-equipped to follow the law, but they are made to interpret their failure to do so as a problem with their manhood rather than in the fact that they are sinners. This is like Donald Rumsfeld withholding appropriate armor from the artillery and then calling them "pansies" when they complain of lacerations from shrapnel. We don't disobey the law because we're wimps but because we are sinners, and holiness does not come from being manly but from admitting our failure and repenting of it.

- This connects with EMB's faulty view of sin and holiness. On page 92 they claim, "you will be holy when you choose not to sin." Again, this explicitly concludes what is implicit on every page, that what separates us from God, and what God is most concerned about is our behavior. And, that when confronted with the law, which regulates our behavior, that it is in our power to simply change. I doubt they would articulate it this way, but this is the natural conclusion readers will reach, either consciously or unconsciously. EMB would have us believe that all that is wrong with us is that we are making bad choices, and that if we would simply stop doing this then we would be holy, blameless, and could look God in the eye (they use the concept of "being able to look God in the eye" as indicative of victory over sexual sin.) But, again, the Bible stands in contradiction to EMB's basic theology. The problem of sin is not only that we have violated the law, but also that we are absolutely unclean in our whole being. Not only do we break rules but we are separated from God because we are wholly unrighteous and love what is evil. Until our love and affections are re-directed, our behavior is not going to change in any qualitative sense.

- This is what is embodied in the law side of the gospel - that we are all more sinful than we can imagine. Our sinfulness is not fully encapsulated by our outward behavior. But the other side of the gospel, what EMB also misses, is that Christians are made to be righteous by the declaration of the Lord, by being put in union with him, not because of their reformed behavior. Christians begin to battle sin rather than simply letting it run free in their lives because they have been made holy by God's decree and have been given a new heart and will; they do not become holy because they have changed their behavior. EMB has the gospel exactly backwards, and that is why it will not help anyone to change in the manner that God desires. And in fact, as stated above, it could actually make matters worse.

- Finally, there is virtually no role for the organized church to play in EMB's method. The practical... Read more ›

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Not very helpful for those truly addicted., March 17, 2006

By	Currently Sober Sexaholic (Harrisburg, PA) - See all my reviews

As a recovering sex/lust addict and a Christian, I found little information in this book that would be useful to a real addict. In the book, the authors describe their concept of a "fractional addict". This really sounds like someone who has developed a bad habbit and needs to come to the full understanding that it is NOT acceptable to God and must be given up. For people like that, I believe that the book's recommendations (bouncing the eyes, training the mind, etc.) will probably work.

However, true addicts know that what they are doing is wrong, they want to stop, they try to stop, but cannot stop. (If I try to stop but can't stop, and I try to moderate but can't moderate, then I'm addicted.) This is a good book for those who finally decide to try to stop. Some will be able to stop (most hopefully) by practicing the book's suggested techniques for a few weeks, but actual sex/lust addicts will not.

If you try what this book recommends, but you still can't find victory, please look into a 12-Step fellowship, such as Sexaholics Anonymous (www.sa.org). Some people may think that a 12-Step program is "less Christian" than the program described in this book, but that is simply not true! The original 12-Step program (AA) was based on the principles of the Oxford Group, a non-denominational Christian group. The 12-Steps are ABSOLUTELY consistent with Christianity. In fact, while Every Man's Battle describes methods to help ME stop certain activities through MY power, the 12-Steps help me to find a real relationship with God, so that I can call on Him during temptations and have victory through His power!

Please check out the book, "Impossible Joy, the Good News for Lust and Sex Addicts, and other Sinners" (also available here on Amazon). That book was written by a true addict who found a real relationship with Jesus through working the 12 Steps of SA. He recently celebrated 30 years of sobriety. Thousands more of us have found the same answer. God willing, I'll be sober five years in May.

There is hope!
Dana

"No God, no peace. Know God, know peace."

107 of 124 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars We can make an covenant with our eyes, January 14, 2002

By	Kirk Lashley "kappamax" (Chicago, IL, USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As a man, just completing the book, "Every Man's Battle", I must assure all Christian men and women out there that this book is an excellent resource for Christian men, and for their wives to understand the battles we go through. It does not make us think that women have no battles of their own and as such Christian women should come out in counsel of the battle.

However, this book is written for us, single and married men alike, to better understand ourselves, and whom we stand with in this battle. Sometimes I felt like Fred and Steve, and other times I raised my eyebrows at them. However, what I did feel was their honesty, and having had sessions with Christian men, I understand how powerful honesty is among men, that we can be open and free to speak about certain topics without fear of reproach. Like Job, and Fred, I too have now made that covenant with my eyes. I do it out of obedience to God and honour of my future wife. I applaud the openness in this book, and the faith I got in referring to the scriptures that I am not alone in this battle, and I can win the war ahead in my eyes, my mind and my heart. I really believed before that this was just a battle that I would have to live with. But I say thanks to Fred, Steve, Mike and Dan for putting this book together.

I've shared the insights I've learned with many friends and have begun passing the book around to them, so they can learn and be encouraged. I must admit I've never heard of Fred Stoeker before, but he has gained my respect as a man of God who can stand on his sexual integrity and an excellent author and counsellor in his own right.