Customer Reviews

Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)

5 star:		(137)
4 star:		(25)
3 star:		(16)
2 star:		(21)
1 star:		(25)

 

 

" As a pastor, I am well-aware that the issue of sexual sin is one of the most pervasive and knotty issues facing the church today. But, unfortunately, there is a paucity of biblical, gospel-centered materials addressing this issue. Every Man's Battle certainly takes the issue head-on in a deadly serious manner, but the book's fundamental theology and resultant methodology are flawed enough that as a pastor not only would I not recommend it, I would actually encourage congregants not to read it. Here's the reason:

- The significance of the work of Jesus for this particular issue does not show up at all until pg. 90, and there, it is only two short paragraphs! This is the book's primary shortfall. It offer's a "Christian" solution without talking much about Christ or the gospel ("gospel" used as a shorthand for his life, death, resurrection, ascension, and promised return.) Whereas the Bible recommends the gospel as not only the way to get into the kingdom, but the way to grow and mature (Col 2:6 "Just as you have received Christ, continue to live in him...), EMB doesn't really even explain the gospel as entry-point, and totally misses any perspective as to how the gospel "speaks" to the issue at hand. Though the authors would certainly reject this assessment, their counsel avoids the gospel as it pertains to sexual sin, providing essentially man-centered techniques instead.

- It's basic methodology is built on the presumption that what is missing in this conversation in the church is an amplification of the LAW. First of all, this is a monumental misread of the current church culture. Do the authors truly think that men do not feel guilty enough about this issue? that they don't believe that God disapproves of promiscuity?!? In contrast, I don't believe that there is another issue that produces this much guilt in the church! In the current climate, a man can be absolutely narcissistic, materialistic, angry, unfaithful at public worship, and yet assess his spiritual health rather positively. Men allow themselves a "pass" in these areas, but I have yet to meet a male believer who does not see their sin more clearly vis-a-vis their sexual temptations. To each of these men, EMB offers "remember Job", "he made a covenant with his eyes." In other words, remember, "God said `don't do it.'" No man who feels the weight of sin in this area disbelieves this! And chanting verses like this one from the Book of Job will not increase their chances of finding purity in their private thoughts. If a man is actually struggling with temptation and not just giving in, simply reminding them of the rules will not do; after years of habitually breaking the rules, they want to know HOW they can actually begin to FOLLOW them. What is needed in this whole equation is not repetition and amplification of the Law! This would not only be a faulty diagnosis of the church landscape, but a monumental misread of what the Bible says about how people change. I personally do not think the writers understand biblical sanctification or the Bible's grace/law dynamic. Law of course does point out sin and demonstrates the "holiness gap" between man and God, but law without gospel actually intensifies desire and temptation (Gal 3, Rom 5, 7). EMB recounts the Law concerning sexual sin in mind-numbing detail, but fails to give any clear teaching on how the gospel is the answer and power to fulfilling the Law. This book in other words, is better constructed to intensify desire than it is to illuminate a road to healing and holiness. Ironically, what this means is that the authors' view of the law is not too HIGH but too LOW. If sexual sin can be defeated by simply reminding readers for 200 pages that God says, "don't do it" and giving some practical behavioral advice; their view of sin is lower than that of the gospel, which says sin is only defeated by the life, sacrifice, and continued work of Jesus.

- Connected to this last point, because the book deals only with the Law, their "answer" deals ONLY with external behavior, what we could call the "cold shower technique." In this way, this book embodies the worst elements of modern Christian counseling. When faced with a man struggling with sexual addiction, their counsel basically amounts to 1. remember that God said "don't." 2. Change your environment (get accountability, disregard billboards, unplug the computer, etc.) They never get to the issue of idolatry, of which sexual sin is simply a behavioral symptom. They actually argue (p. 112) that masturbation is a symptom of uncontrolled eyes and free-racing thoughts. But these are ALL behaviors, they are ALL symptoms of a deeper root of sin. They are all three indicators that someone is disbelieving the gospel, that they are not finding their significance, meaning, pleasure and wholeness in the love of Jesus Christ for them as expressed in the gospel. Until a man begins to deal with issues of basic idolatry, even if the symptoms decrease or are stopped altogether, they are not in any better position to truly love God and neighbor. The idolatry of their heart will simply find some other behavioral form of expression. But, what is most tragic about this is that because men feel most guilty about sexual sin, this new form of sin may actually show them their need for Christ LESS. For example, they may stop looking at pornography by removing a computer from their house. But, having failed to deal with the reason that they were seeking out pornography in the first place, they will simply adopt a different behavior to give expression to their deep brokenness and idolatry. Maybe they will stop reading Playboy but begin struggling more intently with fear/worry, gluttony, materialism, anger, etc. However, because these sins are not as "bad" as lust, they will pat themselves on the back for this progress and will no longer have the acute awareness of their sinfulness that the previous struggle provided. If readers faithfully apply the principles in EMB, they will think they're making progress when, in reality, all they've done is changed the channel. Until the brokenness and emptiness of the heart is dealt with, until sexual sin is seen as an expression of a deeper sin of idolatry and dissatisfaction with Jesus, the person will never have the much sought after victory even if they manage to stop this particular behavioral pattern.

- Their "be a man"/gallantry of the "greatest generation" counsel is another thread of their misunderstanding of sin and the Law. Basically EMB says, "if you were a man, you would follow the law...you would keep the covenant with your eyes." In this dynamic, not only is the reader ill-equipped to follow the law, but they are made to interpret their failure to do so as a problem with their manhood rather than in the fact that they are sinners. This is like Donald Rumsfeld withholding appropriate armor from the artillery and then calling them "pansies" when they complain of lacerations from shrapnel. We don't disobey the law because we're wimps but because we are sinners, and holiness does not come from being manly but from admitting our failure and repenting of it.

- This connects with EMB's faulty view of sin and holiness. On page 92 they claim, "you will be holy when you choose not to sin." Again, this explicitly concludes what is implicit on every page, that what separates us from God, and what God is most concerned about is our behavior. And, that when confronted with the law, which regulates our behavior, that it is in our power to simply change. I doubt they would articulate it this way, but this is the natural conclusion readers will reach, either consciously or unconsciously. EMB would have us believe that all that is wrong with us is that we are making bad choices, and that if we would simply stop doing this then we would be holy, blameless, and could look God in the eye (they use the concept of "being able to look God in the eye" as indicative of victory over sexual sin.) But, again, the Bible stands in contradiction to EMB's basic theology. The problem of sin is not only that we have violated the law, but also that we are absolutely unclean in our whole being. Not only do we break rules but we are separated from God because we are wholly unrighteous and love what is evil. Until our love and affections are re-directed, our behavior is not going to change in any qualitative sense.

- This is what is embodied in the law side of the gospel - that we are all more sinful than we can imagine. Our sinfulness is not fully encapsulated by our outward behavior. But the other side of the gospel, what EMB also misses, is that Christians are made to be righteous by the declaration of the Lord, by being put in union with him, not because of their reformed behavior. Christians begin to battle sin rather than simply letting it run free in their lives because they have been made holy by God's decree and have been given a new heart and will; they do not become holy because they have changed their behavior. EMB has the gospel exactly backwards, and that is why it will not help anyone to change in the manner that God desires. And in fact, as stated above, it could actually make matters worse.

- Finally, there is virtually no role for the organized church to play in EMB's method. The practical help in defeating sexual sin is almost completely privatized. Accountability is at times recommended, and this I guess is somewhat communitarian, but no mention is made of the centrality of public worship or the sacraments in working the gospel and Christ-centered change more deeply into someone's life. No mention of the role of the pastor or church leaders is provided, no suggestion is made of the power of community within the local church. And in this way, EMB is similar to a large majority of the Christian-living books presently in print.

I read this book to help support my fiancee who is struggling with sexual addiction. I had heard the quip "All men a perverts and all women are nieve to the fact" before, but I didn't realize how much of a spiritual burden this is to them. This book has helped to open my eyes to the struggle he is going through, and what I can do to help him as well as the male population in general...modest dress, choosing movies and music with wisdom, and fervent prayer.

I was somewhat disappointed with the women in the book, however. All of them had very negative reactions to the sin...which is appropiate. However, there also seemed to a very strong pattern of anger and judgement. That was the disappointing part. I felt more sorrow than anger, and I know that there are godly women out there who share my reaction. I guess my only complaint is that the women's section was too general and didn't allow for a wide variety of women's reactions.There are godly women out there who want to help you in the battle and will do so with honesty and maturity, but will allow you to fight the battle that only you, as a man, can truly understand.

Over all, this book has been extremely helpful in teaching both my fiancee and I of an effective battle plan to deal with sexual addiction in our relationship and giving us a glimps of the victory that the Lord has for us.

Men of God...you are in my prayers.

As a man, just completing the book, "Every Man's Battle", I must assure all Christian men and women out there that this book is an excellent resource for Christian men, and for their wives to understand the battles we go through. It does not make us think that women have no battles of their own and as such Christian women should come out in counsel of the battle.

However, this book is written for us, single and married men alike, to better understand ourselves, and whom we stand with in this battle. Sometimes I felt like Fred and Steve, and other times I raised my eyebrows at them. However, what I did feel was their honesty, and having had sessions with Christian men, I understand how powerful honesty is among men, that we can be open and free to speak about certain topics without fear of reproach. Like Job, and Fred, I too have now made that covenant with my eyes. I do it out of obedience to God and honour of my future wife. I applaud the openness in this book, and the faith I got in referring to the scriptures that I am not alone in this battle, and I can win the war ahead in my eyes, my mind and my heart. I really believed before that this was just a battle that I would have to live with. But I say thanks to Fred, Steve, Mike and Dan for putting this book together.

I've shared the insights I've learned with many friends and have begun passing the book around to them, so they can learn and be encouraged. I must admit I've never heard of Fred Stoeker before, but he has gained my respect as a man of God who can stand on his sexual integrity and an excellent author and counsellor in his own right.

As a recovering sex/lust addict and a Christian, I found little information in this book that would be useful to a real addict. In the book, the authors describe their concept of a "fractional addict". This really sounds like someone who has developed a bad habbit and needs to come to the full understanding that it is NOT acceptable to God and must be given up. For people like that, I believe that the book's recommendations (bouncing the eyes, training the mind, etc.) will probably work.

However, true addicts know that what they are doing is wrong, they want to stop, they try to stop, but cannot stop. (If I try to stop but can't stop, and I try to moderate but can't moderate, then I'm addicted.) This is a good book for those who finally decide to try to stop. Some will be able to stop (most hopefully) by practicing the book's suggested techniques for a few weeks, but actual sex/lust addicts will not.

If you try what this book recommends, but you still can't find victory, please look into a 12-Step fellowship, such as Sexaholics Anonymous (www.sa.org). Some people may think that a 12-Step program is "less Christian" than the program described in this book, but that is simply not true! The original 12-Step program (AA) was based on the principles of the Oxford Group, a non-denominational Christian group. The 12-Steps are ABSOLUTELY consistent with Christianity. In fact, while Every Man's Battle describes methods to help ME stop certain activities through MY power, the 12-Steps help me to find a real relationship with God, so that I can call on Him during temptations and have victory through His power!

Please check out the book, "Impossible Joy, the Good News for Lust and Sex Addicts, and other Sinners" (also available here on Amazon). That book was written by a true addict who found a real relationship with Jesus through working the 12 Steps of SA. He recently celebrated 30 years of sobriety. Thousands more of us have found the same answer. God willing, I'll be sober five years in May.

There is hope!
Dana

"No God, no peace. Know God, know peace."

Guys you HAVE to get this. I am a recent college graduate, and I've had trouble for the past decade with the 12-letter m-word resulting from my lustful thinking and wandering eyes.

Learn to train yourself in most effective ways to lose this horrible habit. If you feel the self-loathing, the tried-and-failed attempts to stop but feel addicted and almost overpowered by this habit, get this book. I was much in the same position, even being a Christian. You will receive awesome insight from stories of the 3-4 authors, including frank dicussions which you DO really NEED to hear.

As Christians we must rid ourselves of every hint of sexual impurity, the book states and quotes from scripture, but it seems like such a huge battle that "I could never win." Yes you can, because I have been 'sober' for the longest time I can remember, and the strength to stop goes past weeks and weeks, not simmering down overnight like most of my other attempts. I was going at it from the wrong angle the whole time--GET THIS BOOK!

It will challenge your lustful mind and through prayer and self conviction you CAN get over this--REALLY. It seems such a daunting task.. How could I possibly? I have such a huge history.. Trust me. It DOES work. Try it!

Also! Do you have trouble sitting down to read a book? I can almost guarantee it will captivate you enough to read a lot in one sitting. I am completely NOT a book reader, and I finished in under a week. It is broken up into easy-to-read sections with sub-sections explaining aspects with short chapters so you won't get bored very easily. I found this book while looking up books to FEED my lustful hunger, and I can now praise God I stumbled across it. It has honestly changed my life. Contact me if you like and we can discuss it.

When I first read "Every Man's Battle," I had struggled with lust for a long time, and I thought I'd finally found a book that would help. In fact, I initially thought it HAD helped. But the more I put its advice into practice, the worse things got.

The title--"every man's battle"--is wrong. It doesn't have to be every man's battle, and there are many men who don't struggle with this issue at all. (Not that anyone is above temptation, but I can testify that true freedom can be found without having an epic war with yourself every day.)

I give this book two stars because I really appreciate how honest it is with many men's struggles. I think openness like this is needed if we are ever going to combat the problem of sexual impurity within the church. However, the methods this book recommends have many faulty presuppositions underlying them, and they will lead you astray.

One of the key verses in this book is Job 31:1--"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." From this, the authors recommend the technique of "bouncing the eyes." In other words, whenever you find yourself noticing a woman's breasts, bounce the eyes. If you notice her hips, bounce the eyes. Of if you notice her pretty face, bounce the eyes! I went through this book in a men's group at church. Initially, all the men seemed to find this technique helpful. But after a while, it really didn't work in rooting out lust. It became a chore that you had to constantly be on the alert, and I think it generally led to a fear of women, that their attractiveness could bring you to your knees in the slightest moment of weakness. Job 31:1 doesn't say, "I made a covenant not to look at all at a girl," but "I made a covenant not to look LUSTFULLY at a girl." There's a big difference.

This book really fails to address the heart issue, and the beliefs behind those lustful looks. Oh, it emphasizes how bad lust and sexual impurity are. But it really doesn't offer any long-term solutions, aside from making you feel guilty about it. I finally found freedom in a little-known book entitled The Life That Wins by the Chinese evangelist, Watchman Nee. Rather than relying on your own works and eye-bouncing techniques, this book deals with sin as a whole--not just lust, but covetousness, envy, sinful anger, etc. God's solution to all sin is the cross. Negatively, the cross deals with sin, and positively, Christ is our righteousness. This book will take you through the steps to allow Christ to manifest Himself through you, so that "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Gal. 2:20). Then we will know Christ as our righteousness (1 Cor. 1:30).

After I began to experience real freedom, I realized that the whole attitude toward women in "Every Man's Battle" is unbiblical and ultimately destructive. The world says, "Women are an object of lust--indulge!" "Every Man's Battle" says, "Women are an object of lust--supress!" How about viewing women as something better? How about viewing them as being created in God's image, deserving honor and respect?

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are *PURE*, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." This book only teaches you NOT to meditate on the bad things, but it gives you nothing good to replace it with. I've realized that it's okay to notice a woman's breasts or her gentle hands or her beautiful smile. But look at them in purity. God created every woman and every part of her, and He declared that His creation was "very good" (Gen. 1:31). As Scripture says, meditate on this goodness. Eventually, you will see that ALL women are beautiful creations--not just the size 0 models with which the media bombards us.

I think most Christians define PURITY as "not lusting". Unfortunately, it's pretty difficult to meditate on that which is pure when it's a big negative. Thankfully, there is a positive aspect of purity--appreciating God's creation for the good thing it is. Look at all people as being "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psa. 139:14), appreciating them for who they are. If you want to make a covenant with your eyes, don't stop at "not looking lustfully," but go even further to look in absolute purity.

If you struggle with lust and sexual impurity (or any other sin), I highly recommend The Life That Wins. I also recommend dropping the works-based rituals in "Every Man's Battle" which will only bring you into bondage. Meditate on the goodness of God's creation, looking at all people with complete purity and holiness, and see if that doesn't bring you much greater freedom.

UPDATE (Dec 2010): I have found another excellent resource called "Art and the Silent Killer." Unfortunately, it is not available on Amazon, but it can be found here: ofwcmedia[DOT]com/fr-thomas-loya/1185-art-and-the-silent-killer-dvd-fr-thomas-loya[DOT]html (Replace the [DOT] with a period.)

This DVD is a talk given by Thomas Loya, a Byzantine Catholic priest. Not being Catholic, I do not agree with everything he says, but when he speaks about seeing people in all purity, he is right on. The speaker uses a several works of art to illustrate his points. He defines "lust" as "the desire to possess another person sexually," and the antidote to lust is to receive each person we encounter in thankfulness, gladly receiving them as a gift within God's apportioned boundaries (e.g. the boundary of marriage for your spouse, the boundary of friendship for others, etc.).

As I scrolled through some of the previous reviews, I was surprised at the number of negative opinions -- even hateful-sounding opinions -- that reviewers expressed. It seems like you either love this book or hate it. Well, let me just say, I am one of those who loves it. I am a 23-year-old female grad student, and I found this book incredibly insightful. It really opened my eyes to the struggles that men deal with. I was fortunate to have honest guy friends growing up, so I was never totally in the dark about the stuff men wrestle with sexually, but this book really emphasized to me the importance of valuing and protecting the purity of my guy friends by dressing modestly and avoiding suggestive conversation.
I know many young men whose lives have been transformed by applying the principles in this book -- which are, contrary to the analysis of some of the reviewers, extremely practical, dealing with how to avoid getting blindsided by lust in everyday situations: the receptionist at your office whose top button is always unbuttoned as she bends down to hit the intercom switch; the jogger in short-shorts on your way to work; the sexy billboard ads; the late-night movies in hotel rooms, etc. The authors are specific and detailed -- some might call this graphic, but I thought that the authors did a great job of fighting fire with fire: men are bombarded with graphically sexual images on a daily basis, so they need a strong, no-holds-barred wakeup call, NOT someone who says it's ok with God to "ogle" women, as if they were objects for men's sexual gratification instead of His precious daughters, while at the same time calling people who try to strive for God's standards about sexuality "legalistic." The fact is, God DOES care how we act. No, we can't earn our salvation by being good or trying to uphold the law, but check out Romans 7:7 -- "What shall we say then? Is the law sin? May it never be! On the contrary, I would never have come to know sin except through the law!" God's laws are good, just, and right, and they show us where we fall short. But praise God, because of His grace, He sent his Son to die for us and His Holy Spirit to empower us, "that the requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit" (Rom 8:4).
Sexual sin is not something to dabble in or play around with, and I sincerely thank the authors of this excellent book for providing my Christian brothers with the ammunition they need, not to cut back on sexual sin or only indulge lust a little, but to utterly kill fleshly desires. God commands us to be pure, and the authors of this book provide practical, wholehearted, loving, empathetic advice to Every Man who struggles in this area.

This amazing book has a step by step battle plan like nothing you've ever read before. I've read many other books on this subject, but most of them deal with the reasons "why" sexual temptation is such a struggle. That is helpful to a certain extent, but this book is different. It is an ACTION book! It doesn't just talk about the "why," it gives you the "HOW!" Imagine not being overwhelmed by a barrage of mental images. Imagine becoming the person on the inside that you've been trying to portray on the outside. Imagine having no regrets and a new relationship between you and God. Imagine actually WINNING the battle. Only three weeks have passed since I read this book and my life is forever changed. I'm ordering 6 more copies for people I love, because this really is EVERY man's battle!

Hey, with all the sensual bombardment from the media, the sexy clothing and increasing lack of modesty that adorns women today, and the easy availability of pornography, just what do you expect from a red-blooded, American male, anyway? God expects sexual purity, and forget the macho excuses. What's a guy to do, with so many temptations on one hand and God's standards on the other hand? It seems like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. This book gives very practical, step-by-step advice on coming out of the jungle of sexual temptation. Although this is written from the standpoint of married men, singles, like myself, can also benefit (even though we lack that wife to bear the focus of our full sexual attention). I particularly liked the sections of the book written from the women's point of view. It's very enlightening to see how men and women are "wired" differently, and how disgusted females actually get at the uncontrolled male sex drive! Is maintaining sexual purity in both mind and actions impossible for the male of the species? This book says no, and it has the solutions. I would say this book is essential for every Christian man.

I'll start by saying that I am a female, so here's an opinion from a woman's point of view. My husband and I ordered this book to read together - to help him become pure and to help me to understand some of what he goes through. I thought that the principles in this book were very good, especially the chapter on cherishing your wife :), and my husband gained some insight that he found really practical & helpful. However, we were both disappointed in the amount of time the author's spent in talking about their various temptations and how deep they got into the world of pornography/lust. I understand that they wanted men reading the book to relate and not feel alone, and to dispel some of the stigma surrounding the issue of lust, but I thought the descriptions of what they saw (from a graphic description of a female jogger in a bikini to constant detailed references to women's body parts) were just lusting in word form. It seemed to me that the men in this book changed their actions, but never changed their hearts. They may not lust openly anymore, but they still seem to not respect women very much - I felt like a body part while reading the book. My husband was disappointed, he said he enjoyed parts of the book, but other parts brought to mind exactly what he's been trying to get away from.
I guess reading this book is better than not doing anything, but I reccommend Randy Alcorn's The Purity Principle instead - an amazing little book that helped my husband and I tremendously.