Customer Reviews

Every Man's Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing: Ace Your Wedding Dance and Keep Cool on a Cruise, at a Formal, and in Dance Classes

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A great book for any man (or woman) who has experienced reluctance to go out on the dance floor. Not only does it provide the beginning dancer with answers to questions they didn't know they needed to ask, but it gives much needed encouragement and support. The author, tho now an experienced dancer, clearly remembers the beginnings of his dance career, and writes with empathy and understanding for those going through this stage. He provides an excellent analysis of music and movement along with practice exercises Though a person can't learn to dance from a book, this provides an adjunct to classes where a person can learn in the privacy of his/her home, avoid the self consciousness that makes us loose our concentration, and learn to gain confidence as a dancer.
In addition, the book is enjoyable to read. It is written with humor, warmth and a nonjudgmental relaxed attitude - all the qualities we need when we dance.

Here's something new: a guide to dancing that doesn't pretend dancing is easy. That's the basic idea behind James' Joseph's Every Man's Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing. Joseph claims he is a recovering dance-aphobe, but with his user-friendly rhetoric, step-by-step guides to various rhythm patterns (including charts and graphs), and kindly hints, one would think he has been dancing for years. Indeed, it seems he has, with a wealth of knowledge about the pursuit of learning how to dance. An extra bonus is his interactive website, ihatetodance.com, which provides videos and a continually updated blog to help out those with additional needs. It's also a very entertaining read, with quotes about dancing from the likes of Emmitt Smith, Herman Hesse, and Mr. Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
What really makes this book a great read for the average schlub is that it is truly designed for those who do not dance and do not care to dance. It is to help those people get by, and in that sense, this book succeeds wildly. Joseph recognizes that most people do not have natural dancing ability. By emphasizing important concepts like rhythm and posture, Joseph is able to convince the reader that complicated choreography is not needed to woo a lady (or man, for that matter), and could possibly even be detrimental. The idea here is personal connection, or a partnership in dance rhetoric, and this is what dancing is supposed to create. This guide is not a key to dancing, but a key to connecting on the dance floor. For most guys, dance is an obstacle to finding a connection with that special someone. However, with this book, and a little confidence (which you might just get from reading this!), dance may begin to feel less like a chore, and a little bit more like foreplay. That in itself is an accomplishment.
More than anything, Joseph emphasizes relaxing, finding humor in your mistakes, and getting by on the dance floor with a few basic set of tools. The teaching methods used are easy enough to understand, and Joseph's writing voice conveys an ease that is soothing to the reader. A great book for those looking to conquer their fear of dancing, or just an entertaining read for building your confidence in making connections with someone you've just met.

Class is an after thought to the modern man. "Every Man's Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing: Ace Your Wedding Dance and Keep Cool on a Cruise, at a Formal, and in Dance Classes" is a non-dancers crash course in understanding the basics of dance so they don't look like a fool on the dance floor. Understanding rhythm, finding the beat of the music, and how to practice when you don't want to totally reveal your ineptness, "Every Man's Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing" is a choice pick for every man who wants to avoid tripping up the woman of their dreams.

All in all a good buy. Some of the explanations were a major revelation to one
to whom the description 'two left feet' would be a wild overstatement of ability.

In the course of a relatively long life I have never been able to get to grips
with dancing, ballroom or any other type. In my youth friends gave advice like 'feel the beat', 'move with the music' etc. This was as useful as a chocolate teapot. Had I been able to do that I would have been dancing already. From evidence of YouTube videos etc I agree with author that many instructors have their own individualistic way of explaining dance. Some count musical beat, some count steps, some miss beats, some make verbal calls / descriptions, some attempt to describe musical pattern, they may alternate between methods. This could be because they have always been able to hear the beat intuitively and find it difficult to understand that others can not / explain. The book and associated
videos cut through this confusion to demonstrate a universal method of counting beat. This is a major revelation for those of us to whom it does not come naturally. It was the first time I have come close to understanding the concept of staying in time with music.

The author makes the important point that knowing a large number of steps
[patterns] is not necessarily the sign of a good dancer. Identifying the beat
and good manners are more important. Having read the book I can now achieve the
former with easy music. [I have always been able to manage the latter, at least
for limited periods.] Complicated patterns require a couple who have practised
together and recently. Socially one may often not know the standard of ability of one's partner in advance or have danced for some time.

Home exercises to develop ability are described, partner not required.

The book goes on to explain how the different methods of describing beat /
patterns relate to each other. This is of more use to the person who wishes to
continue and develop an interest in dance than those, like I, who wish
merely to survive a social event like a wedding. Nevertheless useful background
and important for the more serious student.

With this in mind I would have preferred the section on survival dancing to
appear earlier.

The concept of 'Advanced information alerts' is very useful in identifying material one does not really need to know.

There is good basic practical advice on etiquette - how to ask for a dance, how
to dance with your mother in law etc. Also some good practical tips not often available from dance instructors, eg how to deal with unidentified Latin music, slow dancing.

It is not the purpose of the book to describe step patters. Nevertheless simple
descriptions in the survival section of say three or four very basic step
patterns, sufficient to avoid 'deer in the headlights' experiences, would have
created a more comprehensive manual. There is an account of the 'Survival
Sidestep', which apparently would cope with dancing on the spot to any music with four beats to the bar / sets of eight [most]. The blog covers a way of
progressing this round the floor if unavoidable. There is a description of the
waltz [three beats to the bar / sets of six] in the book but I feel a shorter
but more descriptive account of what the dancer actually needs to do rather than just general principles would have been valuable.

The author seems very willing to give further explanation via blog.

I note another reviewer has perceived sexist undertones in the book. Perhaps
the reason I did not find this is that my knowledge / experience of dance is
very limited. But on the basis of such limited experience I suspect that if the survival of dance depended on male enthusiasm the practice would have died out long ago. It appears to be mainly women who encourage and promote dancing / dance culture.

Now then, where did I leave that bottle of fake tan.

Finally - a book that isn't diagrams of how to do it, but rather a simple strategy for attacking the fearsome form of self-expression (and frequent embarrassment) called "Dancing!"

This book is like the "Rosetta Stone" of dancing, in that it helps you suss out the structure of the music, then react to that, rather than trying to ape expert dancers (or teacher's) complicated sets of step patterns.

You come from within yourself - hearing the music, feeling the beats - rather than from without. Love it!

For over two decades, I've worked to learn dance. This book takes me back to the very basics of hearing the music and aligning to it. Then moving up from there with the body movements. In the short time I've had it, the Survival Guide has put me on a path to success. It has explained where I've gone wrong before and why.

James Joseph's straightforward and practical learning exercises are leading me to results and confidence. The book's essence is about what is common to nearly all ballroom dancing. It's entertainingly written by pulling from his own experiences and his perceptions resonant with me.

Having been about to embark on another round of lessons, I pulled up short. Until I get the intuitive, autopilot grasp of the basics, I'd be wasting my time and dealing with more discouragement on the dance floor.

The book is written from a guy's perspective. Last evening I was speaking with several women and one put it well - she acts as the keeper of the beat for her husband when they dance. Maybe it is a guy thing, but the author's words and exercises will change this for me.

For now, skip the dance lessons and DVDs - get this book.

I was asked to review Every Man's Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing, but I'm not its target audience. First, I'm a woman; and my husband is a highly experienced dancer, so he doesn't need me to give him an introductory manual. Second, I'm not a beginner. I have over 20 years of experience in various forms of folk dance, historic dance, and vintage dance. I've been a paid teacher and a paid performer. Third, although I've had my brushes with ballroom dance, I dislike the social atmosphere that pervades it.

Here's what I think of this book. Let's start with the back cover, which is headlined, "Satisfy a Woman on the Dance Floor." This, and all the other innuendo-laden language that pervades this book, exemplifies one reason I dislike ballroom dance. Our culture does not value dance highly. Most people receive no childhood exposure to it--unless you count those square-dance classes in gym, which have turned countless people off dance forever. Anybody who gets other dance exposure is likely to be female, because our culture considers dance more appropriate for females. Ballroom dance studios want to sell long series of classes, and they need male students as well as females. So, their marketing language implies that every dance class and event is a chance to meet, and make close physical contact with, potential sexual partners. That may be fine for some single (and heterosexual) people, but married ones are repelled by the constant pickup attempts that ensue.

In reality, most benefits of dance have nothing to do with sex. Dance is fun. It builds muscle and burns calories. It can be intellectually challenging. You listen to lots of good music. You make friends of both genders, and there is no need to pick any of them up.

The introduction, "10 Tips to Fred Astairedom," begins by reassuring readers. I found beginning male students to be consistently more nervous than the females. They'd seen enough ballroom dance marketing to be convinced that in all couple dances, the male is solely responsible for success or failure. This book fosters that idea rather than otherwise. Nervousness invariably inhibits learning, and this can become a self-defeating spiral. So let me reassure you guys: The "leader/follower" rhetoric, and all the exhortations to "please your partner" are just part of the studios' outdated-gender-role-laden marketing innuendo. In reality, the female has to go to as many classes, memorize just as much, practice just as hard, and sweat just as much. She is fully fifty percent responsible for the success of what you do together on the dance floor. If you're smart you won't reject your partner's help, or deny her ability or participation. This isn't the 1930s, no matter what music you're dancing to.

Chapters 1-3 focuses on "Music" and Chapters 4-6 on "Rhythm." I've been told personally that one of this book's main purposes is to help the rhythm challenged. My sole musical training consists of a few beginning piano lessons, when I was six. My piano teacher made me clap out 3/4 time, 4/4 time, and so on and explained how they worked. I enjoyed it, but not playing the piano per se, so I quit taking lessons soon afterward. Maybe this early instruction explains why I've never been rhythm challenged; although, when I was doing Eastern European and Middle Eastern folk dance, I danced to much more unusual rhythms without having a clue how they worked mathematically.

However, were I rhythm challenged, this book would not help. It goes on for 44 pages with explanations like, "Disco often sounds more `thump thump' than `thump tap.'" I haven't the foggiest what Chapters 1-6 mean. Just explain it to me as, "There's 3/4 time, it goes ONE-two-three, with an emphasis on the first beat, and the dance done to it is the waltz." (Or the mazurka, the hambo, or a number of other dances, but this book focuses solely on ballroom dance.) That's a much simpler and shorter way to explain rhythms. I successfully taught students to understand 5/4 waltz time just by having them clap it out for awhile. You can always ask your teacher to have the class clap out a rhythm, or to call it out while you do the steps, until you understand it physically.

Which brings me to another point: Reading a book will not teach you to dance. Learning dance is largely physical--not mental--memorization. Intelligence helps; but you can have a complicated sequence down cold mentally and still be unable to carry it out physically. If you are a beginner, get to a live class ASAP. This book does not pretend to substitute for a class; it's designed to give you the confidence to start going to class, by reassuring you and by giving you a leg up on some foundation material that will be repeated in class.

Chapters 7-11 discuss "Posture and Dance Frame," "Positions," "Movement and Timing," "Lead and Follow," and "Step Patterns." Here the book conveys some solid and comprehensible material about ballroom dance, specifically. (If you can get past tacky innuendos like, "Finally, the time has come for you to touch your partner!") There's some excellent advice; for example, "The leader does not use his caveman muscles to move his partner around the floor." Aside from the fact that you can't actually "lead" a partner into a step sequence she does not already know, let me tell you about the dancer I know who had to get knee surgery because a partner "led" her into a deep tango dip this way. Chapters 7-11 are all about style. Illustrations would help--there are none--but the real problem is, most students are not willing to learn style until after they learn step patterns. If they come to class to learn the foxtrot, they want foxtrot patterns immediately. If you spend much time first explaining posture, frame, style . . . they look bored, and then they go to the restroom and never come back. So what this book really needs is to teach some specific step patterns for specific dances, which it doesn't. The step patterns are all generalities.

Another facet of social dance is, you go to class, where the floor is seldom crowded. You move around it doing the same choreography as all the other students. They are at about the same dance level as you. You have it down!

Then you get onto a packed social dance floor, where everyone is doing something different and it's like a freeway with no lanes. If this is a fast dance, such as a Victorian polka, it's not unusual for beginners to panic. All this means, however, is that you have not memorized the dance physically. Do some more physical drill and eventually, no matter how panicked you are, your body will do the right thing. You'll be able to focus more on other things such as improvisation--not to mention looking where you are going. However, I assure you it is not obligatory to "flirt with your partner," or even converse. Dance is more fun when you're not trying to do entirely different things simultaneously.

Chapter 12, however, is not about fast dancing. It's about slow dancing. And the problem with slow dancing is what this book calls the "getting in close, the sensual embrace." Here the author admits that there are people you might actually not want to be glued to (for example, your mother-in-law), and that there are some who might not want to be glued to you. There's even a box tip for females, "Do not accept a `crotch lead' from a leader if it offends you." If ballroom dance weren't hyped as largely a way to pick up females, they wouldn't have to worry about this.

Chapter 13 gets to "survival dancing," which is actually a good concept. It contains detailed sections on things like how to fake a waltz. This book hasn't told you how to do a waltz to begin with; still, information on how to fake any kind of dance is helpful. Like, when you get stage fright in the middle of a performance, you have to get through the rest somehow. Believe me, I know. But, unlike the author, I don't advise getting onto the social dance floor and pretending to "lead" a dance you don't actually know and even "sweep a lady off her feet" with it. Find a partner who does know the dance, and ask her to teach you through it on the floor. The social dance floor is not the best place to learn, but it can be done. If your ego can't bear dancing with a partner who knows more than you do, stay off the floor during that dance and learn it later in class.

Chapter 14 is all about "Surviving the Wedding Dance." The wedding dance is a form of performance, and see my earlier advice on physical drill. The information on having a manageable choreography is spot on, as is the information on scoping out the size and shape of the dance floor beforehand. In addition, practice your choreography on it if at all possible.

Chapter 15 consists of "16 Tips for Surviving a Dance." Early on it tells you to wear the right clothes. That's important, but it's even more important to wear the right shoes. If you do any form of dance in running shoes, hiking boots, high heels, or any of the other unmanageable shoes I've seen students wear, you will inevitably look slow and clumsy no matter how diligently you drill. (You may even injure yourself--soles with traction can do your knees a lot of damage.) I can't tell you how many students have exhibited a 50% improvement in style between one class and the next, just because they went to a dance store and bought real dance shoes. If you don't know which shoes are appropriate for the dance form you plan to embark on, the clerk will help you.

Another tip tells you to choose the right partner. Be aware that avoiding certain partners in class sabotages the class, and most teachers won't allow it. One purpose of a class is to enable people to improve by dancing with a variety of partners. As for social dancing--another thing I really dislike about ballroom dancing is that the studios foster competition for medals so they can, you guessed it, sell more classes. This turns most serious ballroom dancers into snobs. They go around the social dance floor asking, "Are you a silver or are you a bronze?" and walk away from every prospective partner who gives the wrong answer.

I think we've established that I personally am never going to take up ballroom dancing. As for Every Man's Survival Guide: If you really need 148 pages of reassurance and somewhat confused information without ever learning any dances, go for it. Otherwise, just go to class. Instead of a ballroom studio chain, try an adult school, a community college, or independently taught evening or weekend classes. They're just as good and they're cheaper.