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Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: From Infatuation and Disenchantment to Mature Love Paperback – July 13, 2010


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Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: From Infatuation and Disenchantment to Mature Love + How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving + How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual Integration
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: New Horizon Press (July 13, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0882823191
  • ISBN-13: 978-0882823195
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #711,399 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Christine Meinecke, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with thirty years of clinical experience. She completed a doctorate in Counseling Psychology at the University of Kansas, an internship at Colorado State University Counseling Center, and a postdoctoral fellowship at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine. Dr. Meinecke has taught and guest-lectured undergraduates, graduate students, and medical residents. She has worked with adults, adolescents, and couples in university and hospital settings. For the past twenty years, she has maintained a fulltime private practice.

Dr. Meinecke is also a playwright. Her full-length, comedic play, Flutter the Dovecotes, won the 2009 Iowa Playwrights Workshop competition and was premiered by Tallgrass Theatre Company, West Des Moines, Iowa.

She has practiced yoga (and taught classes, off and on) for more than thirty-five years.

She met her beloved wrong person, Deems, while both were doctoral students at the University of Kansas. They have been married thirty years and live in Des Moines, Iowa.

Visit author's website - www.everybodymarriesthewrongperson.com
Visit author's blog - psychologytoday.com - Everybody Marries the Wrong Person

Customer Reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars
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See all 15 customer reviews
Very logical, in-depth.
Gregory
I guess some 'wrong' people are somehow 'wronger' than others, but the author isn't clear on that point.
Nicholas M. Spreitzer
I enjoyed the ideas in this book very much.
zhukant

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on June 4, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is based on Dr. Meinecke's personal experience as a marriage counselor, but it's not all about marriage problems. Dr. Meinecke has tapped into a massive knowledge base from many well known colleagues and some clients to create a comprehensive explanation of what it takes to succeed in any personal relationship, and blows away old misconceptions on "the perfect marriage". Have you ever wondered why your mate (or anyone else) isn't just like you think he/she should be? The answer lies within yourself and your own perceptions...a must read for anyone wishing to make changes for the better.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Nicholas M. Spreitzer on November 14, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I couldn't even finish it. The interpretations are overly cynical, the book's tone is condescending, and as indicated in another 1-star review, the author frequently contradicts herself. While she usually employs the phrase 'everybody marries the wrong person' to imply that there is no one single right person for everyone, within the first 50 pages she encourages readers to listen to their intuition when they feel they're with the 'wrong' person and leave the relationship. I guess some 'wrong' people are somehow 'wronger' than others, but the author isn't clear on that point.

I liked that the author encourages thinking realistically about relationships, but she is much too cynical in her interpretation of how people behave in relationships. For example, she stated flat-out that "honey-do" lists are a way to exert control over your mate. Seriously? She lost me right there.

The fact that the author goes to significant length to tell readers not to get involved with deadbeats, mental/physical/sexual abusers, drug addicts, or people with anger issues leads me to believe I am simply too well adjusted to fit this book's target demographic. These things should be completely obvious. But if they're not, by all means, read this book. However, if you're looking for general advice for making your current relationship as happy and fulfilling as possible (like I was), I'd look for another book.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Chuck on April 26, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This is two books in one. I think this is the reason why the reviews are so divided.
It's two books because relationships are at least two different things. 1. You have to manage your own reactions and expectations to a reasonable level in order to have peaceful relationships with others. 2. You need to monitor others' behavior with sufficient accuracy and realism to determine whether your partner's particular foibles are something that can or should be tolerated and lived with.

In any case, Meinecke says ultimately it's all up to you to act, whatever it is you decide to do. She's clear that leaning on the other person to change won't likely accomplish anything. So, to sum:

1. Sometimes it's you being an intolerable B and you need to adjust your attitude and stop expecting others to kiss your rear all the time.
2. Sometimes your partner is cray and you need to get out.

It's figuring out which is which, and when it's time to go, that is so hard. Meinecke's writing style is sorta muffled. I had to read it twice to glean what I wanted to learn. Her points are at times made tangentially. She tells you to monitor your expectations about others, but also to know that sometimes you need to get out. This is a difficult dance.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Bryan S. Wood on May 30, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Purchased this for my wife and I after reading the February 2012 psychology today that referenced the book.
My wife took it first. She really liked it and was quoting from it within the first hour. Which would have been annoying, if I hadn't read the article first and known what it was about.
Out has helped us both to look at each other with a more forgiving eye. I'd say it is worth the time to read, since it's got a lot of wisdom in it.
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5 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Richard Bienvenu on April 6, 2011
Format: Paperback
You don't have to be married to appreciate and get a tremendous amount of benefit from this book. If you are in any kind of relationship this book is instructional. She lays it all out in a clear easy to read manner and then provides tools with which you can grow into being a more self-responsible adult. One thing I took away from it is a little mantra -- restraint and integrity -- that can not only be used in your loving relationships but with a relationship with anyone --- as well as yourself!!!

I also like how she explains that the conventional wisdom of being honest and expressing your feelings is based on a flawed model and belief from the 60s and is actually destructive to any relationship. In short, I am not allowed to impose my negativity on anyone, especially my partner.

She also goes into great depth to explain new discoveries on how the mind works. Important to know since all of us come here without a users manual.

I got this as a library book and am planning on getting my own copy, read it again and use as a reference. This is one of the best, most sober books I have ever read about relationships.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By zhukant on April 6, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I enjoyed the ideas in this book very much. Meinecke does not beat around the bush when it comes to realizing your own faults and not blaming others for them.
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19 of 29 people found the following review helpful By Wendy Davison on October 6, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book can't seem to make up it's mind where it's going. It contradicts itself often. It equates mutual admiration with emotional compatibility. The chapter on emotional compatibility is four pages long. Much of this book is snippets of sample conversations between spouses,and those are so extreme as to be nearly comical. The author seems to believe that if you want something in your marriage to improve, you have an unresolved family of origin issue. (It couldn't really actually be a real problem.) She states that emotional disengagement is bad for marriage, but doesn't give many specifics as to where to draw the line between healthy and unhealthy disengagement. She ignores the research that says that women whose husbands help around the house are happier than those that don't. Her entire point seems to be that each spouse should be emotionally independent from the other, but shines little light onto how to be connected to your spouse without being dependent. She states that in an ideal world, spouses would never ask favors of each other. Funny, I thought that in an ideal world each spouse would be free to ask and each spouse would be free to grant or deny the request.

She states that there are "areas of compatibility" for many couples, but doesn't give a way to nurture those. She states that one should not have to walk on egg shells for his/her spouse, but doesn't explain where to draw the line or suggest ways to compromise where the line should be. She explores some old stereotypical myths that I have never known anyone to believe. Who really believes that only one person exists with whom they can have a happy life? Nobody I know. On page 25 she states that you must "provide your spouse with his or her dreamed-of level of consideration.
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