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Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides)
 
 
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Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides) [Hardcover]

Gary Chapman (Author)
4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Chapman Guides December 18, 2006
Every couple has disagreements. All too often, though, when we engage in arguments, our goal is not to resolve the conflict at hand, but rather, to win the fight. Unfortunately, when you win an argument, your spouse is the loser, and nobody wants to be or live with a loser. When you resolve a conflict, your spouse becomes your friend. Good marriages are based on friendship, not on winning arguments. Now, Gary Chapman provides couples with a simple blueprint for achieving win-win solutions to everyday conflicts and disagreements. By learning how to listen empathetically, respecting each other's ideas and feelings, and understanding why particular issues are so important to their spouse, couples can find solutions that result not only in resolving the conflict at hand, but also leave both partners feeling loved, listened to, and appreciated.

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Gary Chapman is the author of the best-selling 'The Five Love Languages' (more than 4 million copies sold) and The Four Seasons of Marriage. He is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc.; an internationally known speaker; and the host of A Love Language Minute, a syndicated radio program heard on more than 100 stations across North America. He and his wife, Karolyn, live in North Carolina.

From AudioFile

Narrator Maurice England skillfully leads the listener through a series of conflict resolution strategies by using case studies in which he role-plays the male and female partners' responses to conflict. His ability to use intonation in presenting his work with couples' conflict resolution creates a meaningful and sometimes funny listen, especially when he stretches his smooth therapist voice to imitate a female patient's reaction in a conversation. His emphasis on active listening as a skill in relationships informs his straightforward, coherent advice for creating a dynamic of conflict resolution that is easily understood and able to be practiced immediately. L.V.B. © AudioFile 2007, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 128 pages
  • Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.; 1 edition (December 18, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 141430014X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1414300146
  • Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 4.9 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #157,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit this continual New York Times bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner.
Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his Five Love Languages series to specifically reach out to teens, singles, men, and children (co-authored with Dr. Ross Campbell).
He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including The World's Easiest Guide to Family Relationships, Anger, The Family You've Always Wanted, The Marriage You've Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language (Jan 09), Parenting Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. He co-authored The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.
Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 100 stations. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Dr. Chapman and his wife have two adult children and two grandchildren, and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

 

Customer Reviews

8 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.9 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide, June 5, 2007
By 
FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides) (Hardcover)
Do you ever find yourself arguing with your spouse? Going around and around about an issue with little resolve? If so, then Gary Chapman, the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants and bestselling author of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, says you're not alone. In fact, every couple has disagreements. In marriage, conflict is inevitable. But arguing is a choice.

In this short, focused title, Chapman explores what's so bad about arguing and why it's important to resolve conflicts of every size. He challenges readers to identify their most painful arguments as well as which three issues have consumed the most time and energy over the past year. Chapman believes that no matter what arguments you are having with your spouse, it's essential to look for resolution. He argues that conflicts within a relationship arise out of our uniqueness.

Chapman believes that the answer to conflict resolution is not in trying to rid ourselves of our differences but in discovering how to make our differences into assets rather than liabilities. The goal of a good, healthy marriage is learning to work together as a team and discovering resolution that pulls the couple together rather than apart.

Drawing examples from his own interactions with couples as a counselor, the book offers a variety of stories that most married people can relate to. For instance, Chapman describes Iris and Jerry, a couple who decided to repaint their house. They agreed on every color until it came to painting the bathroom. That's where the argument began: Iris wanted green while Jerry preferred blue. As each spouse makes their case why their color is the best, Chapman surmises that both parties are still in arguing mode and haven't moved to resolution mode. He encourages each spouse to verbally affirm the other's ideas. In the process, each spouse softens, and in the end, they decide to paint the bathroom green and blue.

Such resolution may seem elementary unless, of course, you're the one in the situation. That's when reflecting an attitude of respect and togetherness is the most important. Chapman believes that one of the crucial aspects of resolving any argument is taking the time to listen, which opens up the door to understanding. He points out that the issue you're arguing about may not be the issue at all --- there may be charged statements or beliefs that run deeper or have more invested than you may realize. That's why asking questions and taking the time to listen is so powerful.

Each chapter closes with a section on "Putting the Principles into Practice," which offers a handful of questions for reflection. At the end of the book is "A Resolution By Which Everybody Wins," a one-page contract for spouses to sign as they seek to improve their communication and resolution skills.

The book's greatest strength --- it's brevity --- is also its greatest weakness, at times leaving the reader looking for more depth. But overall, EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Deepen the relationship or justify your actions?, December 8, 2007
This review is from: Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides) (Hardcover)
The magic of this short audio book is that it brings your intention to respect and love your partner into conflict resolution. Dr. Chapman reminds you of ideal love you want to have and then shows you how to get back on the track that will take you there. All couples have disagreements and misunderstandings. The couples that work through all conflicts gain tremendous insight and appreciation into each other while avoiding built up hidden resentment.

The concepts of empathetic listening and compromise are not new. The real value in this product is the change that will occur in you through the process of learning what is important in relationships. You will feel the changes in your mindset right away.

My only critique is the audio book left me wanting to know more pitfalls and solutions.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Straight to the point, August 14, 2008
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I decided to get the audio version because I could listen to it in my car. I like the fact that he gets straight to the point. Explaining the specifics of a conversation and why the way people look at conversations don't work and seems to lead to arguing a lot of the time. The book is just two CD's long, so as I said above, he gets to the point right away. There are really good exercises in there to use and he uses real world examples that make sense.

For starters I would definitely suggest this book to anyone that has conflict in their lives.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
spouse your undivided attention, empathetic listening, value our relationship
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Everybody Wins, Monday Night Football
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