Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them [Hardcover]

John Ortberg (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 2003

Normal? Who's Normal? Not you, that's for sure! No one you've ever met, either. None of us are normal according to God's definition, and the closer we get to each other, the plainer that becomes. Yet for all our quirks, sins, and jagged edges, we need each other. Community is more than just a word---it is one of our most fundamental requirements. So how do flawed, abnormal people such as ourselves master the forces that can drive us apart and come together in the life-changing relationships God designed us for? In Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them, teacher and best-selling author John Ortberg zooms in on the things that make community tick. You'll get a thought-provoking look at God's heart, at others, and at yourself. Even better, you'll gain wisdom and tools for drawing closer to others in powerful, impactful ways. With humor, insight, and a gift for storytelling, Ortberg shows how community pays tremendous dividends in happiness, health, support, and growth. It's where all of us weird, unwieldy people encounter God's love in tangible ways and discover the transforming power of being loved, accepted, and valued just the way we are. The need for community is woven into the very fabric of our being. Nothing else can substitute for the life-giving benefits of connecting with others---not even God. He won't preempt the way he himself has designed us to reflect his own intensely relational nature. But there's a hitch in our experience of community, says John Ortberg: We're all weird. Folks around us may seem normal enough, but just wait till we get to know them---and they get to know us. The unhealthy, sinful ways we respond to life in a fallen world are hardly God's idea of 'normal,' and they can make us as unhuggable as porcupines. We face the 'porcupine dilemma,' says Ortberg: We need each other, but how do we get close without getting hurt? How do we get past all those quills and grow together in Christ? In Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them, Ortberg once again reveals his gift for sharing profound insights using a lighten-up approach. With winsome humor and a fondness for well-spun stories, he pops the myth of normalcy and hands us the keys to creating and sustaining relationships. 'God's dream for community encompasses the redemption of all spheres of life,' he says. Who doesn't want like to be liked, to be wanted, to have solid, satisfying friendships! Ortberg shows what such relationships are made of. He reveals the benefits of authenticity---what it means to live with an 'unveiled face,' as the Bible puts it. He encourages us to trade the stones it's so easy to cast at others for acceptance. He opens our eyes and heart to empathy, the art of reading people. And he takes us through the ins and outs of conflict, forgiveness, confrontation, inclusion, and gratitude. The principles and discussion questions in this book are down-to-earth. They're for real people living in a real world, and are intended to help us count the practical cost of relationship and then pay it---because in all the rewards and struggles of community, we're investing in something beyond our comprehension. You could call it heaven. You could call it home. It's the place where all of us are headed, all of us belong, and all of us will be normal at last.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

There are no normal people, asserts prolific author and pastor Ortberg (If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat; The Life You've Always Wanted), and the sooner Christians accept this disquieting truth, the healthier they and their churches will be. In this mediocre treatise on Christian community, Ortberg implicates Christians who are constantly on the run and on the most superficial terms with their fellows. Citing numerous biblical stories where Jesus turned the tables on foes and drew in unlovable and undesirable people, Ortberg nicely communicates his passion for seeing past external appearances and delving deeply into people's hearts and souls. Christians, he says, must learn to communicate on Jesus' terms; they should practice unconditional love, strive for authenticity and build mutual trust. While Ortberg warns readers to be circumspect with personal disclosure, he contends that the modern Christian church has failed miserably in biblical communication, especially in loving confrontation. Still, the overall message of this book is upbeat, as Ortberg reminds readers of the positive aspects found in solid relationships, which he names as genuine forgiveness, deliberate inclusion and heartfelt gratitude. While this message is ageless, it is certainly not new; "Christian living" bookshelves are crowded with volumes on spiritual formation, congregational life, group prayer and communication. Among these, Ortberg's offering loses its impact quickly because of poor organization, various tangents and over-long chapters.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Rarely has a book done the job so effectively."
-- CBA Marketplace

". . . upbeat . . ."
-- Publishers Weekly (Publisher's Weekly ) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 248 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan (March 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310228646
• ISBN-13: 978-0310228646
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,225 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

John Ortberg is a pastor at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in Menlo Park, California. He is the bestselling author of Faith & Doubt; When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box; God Is Closer Than You Think; The Life You've Always Wanted; Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them; If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat; Love Beyond Reason; and (with Kevin Harney) the multimedia curriculum Old Testament Challenge. He and his wife, Nancy, have three children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book for Everyone, July 8, 2003

By 

C. Stephans - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them (Hardcover)

Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them has everything a reader can ask for in a non-fiction book. Ortberg presents an excellent balance of stories, metaphors, quotes, biblical teaching, autobiography and spiritual insight. He adroitly intersperses humor into the writing that will make you laugh out loud. The variety assures that the reader will get the important message of the book and be entertained.

This is an upbeat book about relationships that we have with God and other people. It also targets how we see ourselves. The premise is that nobody is really "normal;" we all have quirks, defects and faults that make us very much in need of grace and mercy from God and others. Likewise, we all need to give grace and mercy to others and accept that all people come "as is" rather than perfect.

Ortberg writes, "when we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. We enter an endless attempt to fix them, control them, or pretend that they are what they're not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes `as is.'"

The book is divided into three main sections: "Normal: There's no such Thing, Dear," "How to Get Close without Getting Hurt," and "The Secrets of Strong Relationships."

Ortberg leads the reader to an examination of heart and soul and to open the eyes to the dynamics present in all relationships. He focuses on principles and truths that are relevant to all people, such as the inevitability of conflict in relationships and the best way to deal with it.

If you want to improve the way you interact with your family, co-workers, church family and people you meet everyday, this is a book that will definitely help. Each chapter is followed by several discussion questions that can be helpful to small group interaction, as well as personal reflection.

Throughout the book, Ortberg takes great advantage of Biblical stories to convey lessons about relationships. He artfully brings to life several Old and New Testament accounts, filling in cultural background and offering theological insights.

I think you will thoroughly enjoy reading Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them and will appreciate Ortberg's skill in writing and teaching.

Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best books of the year, November 16, 2003

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them (Hardcover)

"Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" is one of the best books I've read this year. The basic premise of the book is that as long as we define others by putting them into a predefined mold based on their beliefs, age, education, or other traits, we will always find that they don't fit. Why is that the case? It's because we determine what is "normal" for people of that age, belief, lifestyle, or whatever and then find that nobody is "normal". As long as we define unique individuals as non-unique beings we will always be disappointed and end up in confrontations or disillusionment. This is a book about doing the opposite. It is about building relationship and community by accepting people for who and what they are - complete with any and all flaws.

Ortberg's writing style makes his works a delight to read. While creating an entertaining read he still manages to make his point very effectively. You finish the book with a deep appreciation for others and a strong commitment to building a positive community among your friends, family, and others. And, of course, that includes building the same strong relationship with God, who does accept us just the way we are with all of our faults. Just as God accepts us as we are, we need to accept others as they are. This is the foundational premise for building a positive community relationship with others. "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" should be required reading for everyone and deserves the highest recommendation that I can offer.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars All About Relationships & Community, April 19, 2003

By 

Ronald M. Furgerson (Fairfax, VA USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them (Hardcover)

This is my fourth Ortberg book and, as with the others, I am thoroughly pleased. Ortberg's easy writing style and wit make learning the deep truths he discusses fun. I find myself frequently sharing his insights with others. I lead the Caring and Sharing Ministry at our church and know his take on community and relationship topics such as anger, forgiveness, reconciliation, and the fact that we're all imperfect "as is" people will find their way into our Celebrate Recovery, Divorce Care, Healthy Boundaries, and Men's Issues support groups. Especially touching to me were his treatment of the accounts of the friends who lowered the crippled man through the roof to be healed by Jesus, the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, and the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and anointed Him at Simon's home. His expositions of these narratives were really the highlights of this excellent book to me.