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Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally about God with Your Children

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In recent weeks I have been attempting to make my way through some of the Shepherd Press catalog of books. Many of the titles and some of the authors were unfamiliar to me. Yet it seems that every time I read one of these titles I unearth some new treasure. Books like Polishing God's Monuments and When Sinners Say "I Do" have blessed me greatly, have stirred my heart and have strengthened my faith. So it was with some expectation that I turned to Everyday Talk by John Younts, another selection from the Shepherd Press catalog.

Everyday Talk is, according to the subtitle, a book about "Talking Freely and Naturally about God with Your Children. With my children often asking about God and with my wife and I trusting that God will, in time, lead them to Himself, I was eager to receive guidance on how I can speak to them in spiritually meaningful ways.

While many books focus in on the few moments in life where you can make a deep and immediate impact on your children--those moments when they come to you broken and hurt and questioning life--this book focuses instead on the other moments. It focuses on the myriad moments and the millions of words that are doubtlessly among the primary influences on your children. As the author says, "The most powerful personal influence in your child's life is everyday talk." Reflecting on Deuteronomy 6 he writes, "Your everyday comments are the ones that teach your children most profoundly about your view of God. Your interaction with God in everyday, ordinary, non-church life is the most powerful tool of influence that you have with your children. It communicates what you really believe."

Younts discusses the importance of talking to children about God everyday and in every way, offering practical ways of doing that. Though certainly not a how-to book, it is practical and creative. As the back cover states, the reader will "learn how to use ordinary conversations to show your kids the goodness and wisdom of God. With clear biblical teaching, John Younts illustrates how to lead your children into a greater awareness of the presence and glory of God."

Reflecting on the book a week or so after finish it, I think I found it most helpful in dealing with the subject of obedience. As the parents of three young children, my wife and I often struggle with this issue. We want our children to obey us and to do so with joy rather than anger or unwillingness. We want to teach them the importance of obedience. We know that we have sometimes done very well with this and at other times have done poorly and are seeking to do better--to be more consistent. Younts teaches that "the goal of your instruction is not only to [for example] have the garbage taken out, but also, primarily, to teach your children the joy of obeying God." It is pleasant words that promote instruction, and not angry or undignified ones. Looking at the example of God's patience with the people of Israel, I learned that I need to stay the course, remaining kind and pleasant even while demanding obedience from my children. And when my children do refuse to obey, or refuse to obey willingly and with a joyful heart, my job is "to recognize their sin for what it is and teach them how to deal with it God's way." I can only do this when I understand that their sin is primarily an offense against God rather than being against me. I need to help them understand that though they may have sinned against their parents, the greater sin was against God and they must be reconciled to Him.

"Parents, when you give in to anger, resentment or self-pity at your children's bad behavior, you make yourself the center of the problem. You are loving yourself first and most. You must love your kids enough to show them the danger of their behavior. They need to see that their first problem is with God, and only secondarily with you. ... You must be more concerned for them than for yourself, and you must be concerned most of all for God. By modeling patience, love, self-control--and all the fruit of the Spirit--you teach your children how extraordinary God is."

In the book's opening pages Younts says, "My prayer is that this book will help you learn how God wants you to talk about Him every day." And later he writes, "the purpose of this book is to help you, parent, to reflect the power of gospel grace in your everyday talk." While God certainly has a lot of work to do in helping me consistently reflect the power of gospel grace in my everyday talk, this book has already helped me see the importance of considering the words I use and the attitudes I convey through all of life's moments. Already it has given me new ears to hear my words and my wife's words to ensure they communicate the fruit of the Spirit and it has given us new ways of considering how we can ensure that our everyday words impact our children for their good and for God's glory. I'm glad to recommend this book to you!

It is rare that I find a book which describes a pertinent problem, illustrates it and then clearly outlines its solution, but Younts does this deftly in his new book, EVERYDAY TALK.
Few would dispute that there are increasing problems with the youth in America today. The increasing crime and suicide rates, drug and alcohol problems, and teenage pregnancies are testimonials to the alienation from God and our fellow man that children are experiencing. As with every complex problem, the causes involved are varied and diverse. In dealing with such a pervasive and complex issue, these causes must be identified and fixed one at a time .
In his work, Younts selects the aspect of everyday interaction with our children and clearly defines, with both explanation and example, how this impacts our children. Further, he then, by instruction and example, outlines ways for correcting the situation. As opposed to a list of rules, he gives us guidelines appropriate to any given situation.
All who read this book will realize that following its precepts results in drawing closer to both God and man, and achieving the clear benefits derived from that. The instructions are outlined in a simple, clear and easy to understand manner. The precepts are not burdensome, but refreshing. This is not an ordinary, but an extraordinary volume; I would recommend it to anyone who interacts with youth in any capacity.

Be prepared to be challenged! This book is easy-to-read, conversational, and gives practical ideas on how to talk to your children about God in everyday situations. It is an enjoyable book, and I consider it a must read for every parent, young or old! You cannot read this book without being challenged and inspired to change.

Prepare to be challenged and convicted about what we teach our children about God by the way we talk in every day life! In his own inimitable style, Younts challenges and convicts through real-life examples familiar to us all, but he doesn't leave us there. He gives us biblical hope for change by giving us everyday examples of how we can, in the 21st century, be biblically obedient to the Deuteronomy 6 command to teach our children about God as we ". . . sit at home and when (we) walk along the road, and when (we) lie down and when (we) get up . . ." - everyday talk about God in everyday life. I can't wait for his next book!

A great encouragment for parents. Younts uses Deut. 6 as the basis for encouraging Christian parents to talk to kids about God in the context of discussing everyday life. Easy to read.

I purchased this 150 page book several months ago, but I read most of it over the course of a couple of days earlier this month. I should have read the book sooner. Everyday Talk is divided into 14 chapters and provides Biblical principles for conversing with your children in the normal routine of life, every day. Younts believes that everyday talk is the most powerful personal influence in your child's life - more powerful than Sunday School, friends and parental discipline. Younts makes this conclusion using Deuteronomy 6:6-7 and backs up his argument using Scripture throughout the book. Some of the themes of Younts' book include...

1. How much is your appreciation of the gospel a part of your day-to-day conversation with
those around you?
2. What kind of listener are you?
3. Do you use pleasant words in your everyday talk with others?
4. Are you ordinary or holy in the way you react when others hurt you?
5. Do you have your own list of big sins that really set you off when you see them in others?

Although this book is geared for parents, the practical applications can be used by anyone who desires to communicate with others in a God-honoring manner. I particularly like the chapter on music. The application questions at the end of each chapter could greatly aid a book study.

"What is the most powerful human influence in your child's life?" That is the question that begins John Younts' book Everyday Talk. As you can certainly guess from the title of the book Younts would answer the above question by saying that "The most powerful personal influence in your child's life is everyday talk".

We all experience everyday talk. The question then becomes what does our everyday talk display. Does our everyday talk display the truth about the glory and splendor of God or does our everyday talk convey lies to our children about who God is? Younts hopes that this book will encourage parents to consider their everyday talk and see it redeemed by the power of the gospel.

The book is consists of fourteen relatively short chapters. The chapters cover everything from how we talk about the gospel, to how we talk about sex and music. Some chapters are more practical and others are more theological. At the end of each chapter there are helpful application questions--thus making this an ideal book for a group of dads to get together and consider.

My Take

I appreciate what John Younts does in this book. It encouraged me to stop and consider the effect that even "casual" complaining about the rain would have on my children's view of God and the world. Certainly, this book helps parents to understand the heavy responsibility that God places upon parents. We are prime influencers in our children's lives--even if many influence their children more by their absence and disengagement than anything else. I appreciate that Younts raises the bar to the place that Scripture does.

I also appreciate the practicality of Younts book. He gives wonderful illustrations of how our everyday talk can actually undermine the gospel. I was rebuked--and at the same time helped--several times when I found my own speech in the categories of gospel undermining. It so easy to slip into foolish talk.

Younts helps us to see that our everyday talk "teaches your functional understanding of the gospel to your children." He then asks the penetrating question, "Does your everyday talk center upon grace or performance?" After encouraging us to listen to our children to determine what they believe about the gospel, Younts then lists several examples that reflects a performance-based understanding of the gospel instead of an understanding that is based upon grace. Here are a few examples Younts lists:

Mommy, I'm sorry I make you angry.

Daddy, I won't do it again.

Why is everybody mad at me?

Do you think God is mad at me?

He hurt me, so I hit him back.

I'll be good, I promise. Please don't be mad at me.

I guess I am just not good enough.

Mommy, I just can't do it. I try but I just can't.

These rip your heart out. I have not heard our children (well Isaiah--Hannah only grunts at this point) yet echo these statements. But I have taken Younts' advice and listened to how he speak about the gospel. At times I do detect a legal understanding of the gospel. That does not surprise me but Younts' work has opened up my eyes to avenues for gospel proclamation.

One Critique

At the end of the book Younts makes this statement, "The challenge is great. The power of God is even greater." Phrases like this needed to be highlighted throughout the entire book. It seems, though, that Younts assumes a gospel-centrality in the parents reading this book. I could easily see many parents (myself included) read through each chapter of the book and then begin a holy quest to "work on" that chapter's topic. I would have loved to have seen more instruction to parents in how to apply the gospel in their own hearts--which would infuse our everyday talk with the message of Christ.

This book is hard hitting and has several really great points. Younts is, I believe, correct in most everything he encourages mom and dad to do. We must see our everyday talk redeemed. That much is true. But mom and dad need grace just as much as junior.

I would have liked to have seen every chapter end with encouraging parents in the completed work of Jesus on their behalf. But as it stands most chapters end with probing questions meant to ask you, "are you blowing it"? Of course the answer is yes in most of these categories. As sinners we will fall in everyone of these areas. The question is how do we confess to our children our lack of faithful everyday talk? How do we as parents soak up grace?

This book is very beneficial and with a little supplement can be an extremely helpful assistant to parents. But if any pastor or leader is taking a group of men or women through this book it would be beneficial for them to be intentional about buttressing the chapter with the freedom and grace found in the gospel of Christ.

Conclusion:

This book is very helpful and very practical. It does help parents learn how to teach the gospel to their children using everyday talk. Yes, I wish it would have been a little more intentional in reminding mom and dad that their rescue is found in Christ. But at the end of the day--if parents heed this one caution--I think many will benefit from the help this book offers. Our everyday talk does need to be redeemed and this book serves as a healthy reminder and a helpful assistant in redeeming just that.

I just recently read Everyday Talk by John A. Younts, published by Shepherd Press. John (Jay) Younts is the author of What About War?, In Touch with Paul Stewardship Series. An elder in the Associate Reformed Presbyterian (ARP) Church, John has taught on and studied issues related to biblical child rearing for over thirty years. John is a frequent speaker for parenting conferences, church seminars for parents, and youth meetings. He has been interviewed on radio stations around the country. He and his wife Ruth have five grown children and reside in South Carolina (I got this information from his website)Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally About God with Your Children is basically a guidebook to speaking to and in front of your children in a way that glorifies God and blesses children. The purpose of the book is to encourage parents to talk about God in our everyday talk in accordance with Deuteronomy 6. He defines everyday talk as follows: "talk that happens in the unplanned moments. It happens in casual, unguarded moments. It happens when you are distracted or irritated and would rather not be talking at all." (11) This kind of talk happens no matter what. But God wants your everyday talk to be about Him! "God wants you to talk about His world. God wants you to talk about what He does and how people respond to Him. He wants you to do this when you're at home, when you are out and about, when you relax. He wants you to talk about Him with love and awe every day. He wants you to talk freely and naturally to your children about His commands..." (12) Sounds a lot like Deuteronomy 6!This book was very helpful for me as a father of four. Younts doesn't just leave it at the theoretical level. He goes in to detail about how to talk about some very important topics, such as the gospel, obedience, preparing for the teen years, the world, sex, and music. He explains how to use the "mundane" topics like the weather to bring out truths about God and His world.He gives principles for parents to follow and not just dos and don'ts. One specific area where I was challenged was the way in which the truth should be presented. He used Proverbs 1:8-9 to show that we should present the truth as we would a precious piece of jewelry to a child. He explained that if we bought precious jewelry for a child we would not ball it up and throw it at them. We would put it in a special box, wrap it and present it as something special. We should do the same with the truth. Our words should be pleasant. The word of God is precious and therefore we should present it to them as such. Our words are to be spoken in love. Younts was very strong in this area and his words were used by the Lord to help me think about the way I talk to my children about the truth.There were also several good examples found in the book (both Biblical and otherwise) to help bring these truths into focus.This book is certainly consistent with some other very good parenting books. Books like Shepherding a Child's Heart (Tedd Tripp), Age of Opportunity (Paul Tripp), Heart of Anger (Lou Priolo), and Teach Them Diligently (Lou Priolo). I think the contribution lies in the broad range of the topics that he addresses. He doesn't deal extensively with disciplining and other parenting issues because that was not his goal. His goal was to give parents a theology of God-centered speaking with practical application. If anyone were to ask me what two parenting books I would recommend if they were only going to read two, I would recommend Shepherding a Child's Heart (first) and Everyday Talk (second) in that order. Shepherding a Child's Heart lays the foundation and gives the big picture for goals and procedures at each phase of a child's development. Everyday Talk delves in to some of the more specific areas and challenges.Far from giving the impression that parents are to just talk, Younts also explains that we must be very intent and serious listeners before we will have anything that is helpful to say. In addition, our lives are own lives as parents are to reflect that we have been changed by the wonderful truths that we are seeking to impart to our children. This is nonnegotiable. I highly recommend this book to anyone with children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, or anyone who knows children that need the truth. I think that covers just about everyone.

Jay Younts does a great job with describing how parents should talk with their children all day long; how we need to be careful with what we say, how important our words are to our children, how we can destroy with the wrong words, and how we will encourage with the right words. This biblically based approach will be a great aid to parents who want to disciple their children through godly speech. Every parent should read this excellent book!

My small group used this group for bible study. This book in very general terms is very good. He does an excellent job explaining how "everyday talk" can help deepen parent/child relationship. He shows how simple awareness of ourselves as parents can have strong influence over our children. The book's audience is directed to parents of school aged children. When you read pass chapter 6 or 7, it for the parents of older children and parents of younger children should read it to prep you when your children gets older.

Theologically, I have one issue. In chapter 6, Younts uses bad exegesis to help expound on getting our children to obey out of love and joy instead of consequences. Christ made a command to the rich young man to give up all his treasures and material wealth and follow Him. Christ's motive was to point out to the young man's personal idol of material wealth. Then we cannot use this passage as an example of obedience of joy and love to our children. The motive is wrong. He is right in his statement... God does not see little sin and big sin... God sees sin and will discipline accordingly. So a child who forgot to say thank you and a child who sasses you really good gets the same punishment. It comes back to a all or nothing position. Also if you know your child loves you and has historically demonstrated in many ways but continues not to clean his room mean that the child doesn't love you as much. Younts position would say yes. He also breaks the christian myth that children are innocent and love unconditionally which I agree.

I did not like how he skirts the actual discipline. He has a footnote at the end of the review questions at the end of chapter 6. That is a very important statement that needs to be in the chapter not as a footnote since readers have children who amazingly enough are childish. You cannot discuss about verbal discipline with out the action. (i.e. verbal correction, time outs, loss of privileges etal.) In my opinion he chickened out.

The later chapters progresses to teenagers and when the children have left the nest. He paints a picture of "us versus the evil world". I do not doubt that our world is sinful but I have worries of his approach to it. It is very isolationist and makes us fear the world instead of having faith in God to live in the world but not of it. It seems a bit out dated also.

In conclusion, I do not support this book as a study guide or a foundational book for parenting. It is an easy read with many good points but must be taken with a big grain of salt. I cannot recommend this book.