Customer Reviews

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex: But Were Afraid to Ask

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1 star:		(25)

 

 

I remember reading the original version of this book as a teenager some 30 years ago and thinking I was well-informed on the topic of sexuality. Was I ever wrong! When I read parts of this updated version, I was shocked. It seems the good doctor is uncomfortable with anyone outside of heterosexual married couples. Anyone practicing any form of sexual expression he doesn't quite understand is either lonely, maladjusted, or a sociopath. <sigh>

Among his claims: People into SM are out to recruit you, gays are all promiscous, and that menopausal women become "masculinized." Frankly, I became so disgusted after reading half of the book, I didn't read any further. Dr. Reuben's prejudices are obvious and it is a shame they clouded what might have been a good reference book.

There are many other good books about sexuality on the marketplace that are worth your money. Sad to say, this isn't one of them.

A better title would be "Everything you always wanted to know about David Reuben's hangups". The things he knows about, he gets right. Unfortunately, he gets everything else wrong. Guessing is fine on Jeopardy, but a professional should try to do better.

An example: "How did the Mayor's daughter contract Syphilis?"

A: "Her country-club boyfriend slept with a black prostitute."

Sheesh. Try "The Joy of Sex". It's ten times better.

I read this book when it first came out 30 years ago. I decline to spend good money on the updated version because updated crap is still crap. It was a best-seller then because Dr. Reuben hit on a winning formula. Tittilating information (in the 60's, sex was just starting to be openly discussed), a chatty, non-clinical format that relaxed the nervous reader(most of us in those days)and a medical degree to give it respectability, Great except for one thing, Dr.Reuben knew nothing of his topics. He had no psychiatric training(California law allowed any MD to hang a psychiatrist shingle) My favorite idiocy was the notion that syphillis and gonorrhea could be eliminated by giving everyone mandatory injections of penicillin. Brushing aside the civil liberties issue, I can't think of a better way to develop a nice vicious drug-resistant strain of these diseases. The book is enjoyable only as a reminder of how gullible we were 30 years ago.

I first read this book in the early 1970s and it influenced me in that it delayed my gender transition and eventual sex change surgery by 20 years. When I recently found an updated version in the local library I checked the section on Transsexuality to see if it had been corrected or updated.

What I found was laughably misinformed, out of date, and badly biased. If the rest of the book is as poorly and badly written as this section, then it will cause a great deal of misery for a lot of people, which it could have otherwise have helped.

While I admit to not having read the entire book, the sections I did read were full of heavy-handedness, misinformation & overall judgmental information. Dr. Reuben says that people into BDSM, for example are out to recruit children and that 'in its extremes, can lead to rape, torture and murder.' These are absolute lies. He fails to see why anyone would be into BDSM as a way to express their sexuality.

He also fails to describe the love and respect shown between both people in a BDSM relationship. He also claims that most BDSM scenes always go much farther than they should. I think it's obvious Dr. Reuben has nothing but disgust for anyone into any form of SM. He also is down on people with pierced body parts and is also down on same sex marriages. He also claims that menopausel women become "masculinized."

I definitely recommend against buying a book about sexuality that resorts to half-truths, judgmental and heavy-handed information in order to make its points.

I first read this book when I was about 14. My mom got it and thought she had hidden it away but I found it. I was struggling with my sexual orientation at the time and immediately read the chapter about homosexuality. It effectively put me back into the closet for 4 more years! Reading the "updated" version I realize now how completely wrong and homophobic this book is. According to this gay guys have no interest in a long loving monogamous relationship and just want sex. Oh really? I guess the hundreds of gay men who are happily married are all totally wrong. Also we purportedly keep a variety of fruits under our beds and "use" them during the night when the urge hits us!!! I read the chapter getting more and more angry. This is enough to scare any kid away from ever coming out! I glanced through the rest of the chapters and was horrified by the tons of misinformation and prejudice I found. This should have never been republished and it's barely updated at all. This was basically ignored when it was reissued in 2000---for good reason!

When you first see this book on shelves, you might be tempted to think it is a proper reference book, with maybe a few humorous anecdotal quotes thrown in. Think Freakonomics, with biology.

Boy, was I ever wrong!

Flipping it open and reading it, I find that "sex" to Dr. Reuben doesn't equal a discussion and understanding of the different types of intercourse so much as it equals "conservative beliefs of religion and marriage", to which might be acceptable to some, but clearly not to me. The biased slant was clear from the get-go, and if Dr. Reuben didn't find it clear enough, he goes further to criticize any form of role-playing as well as foreplay which does not adhere to his apparently tried-and-tested methods of normalcy.

The very thing about "sex" is that it has to be fresh, it has to be made interesting, it must arouse both parties (maybe more, but we won't go there... Dr. Reuben clearly doesn't WANT to go there) and everyone who's above 20 knows that boring sex is the first step on a way to a destroyed marriage.

Dr. Reuben, for all his support of the traditional marriage-and-sex system, clearly doesn't want couples to stay together very much, for he proposes normalcy, routine, and repeatability.

At times, it even becomes offensive, as he suggests that gay sex is nothing more than a matter of going into toilets, doing some footwork under the stall separations, and become something like an emotionless act of oral sex through holes drilled in the separations. Other times, he criticizes menstrual woman for their "masculinity", and for their decreased sex drive, which then suggests Dr Reuben is nothing more than a masochistic, male chauvinist with a medical degree, masquerading to be an authority, which he is anything BUT.

I highly suggest staying away from this book. Pick up Gray's Anatomy, Freakonomics, even a Playboy magazine, if you want to learn more about intercourse. Just not this offensive, ridiculous piece of rubbish.

In the early 1970's I first read the first edition of this book. In particular, the chapter on gay male sexuality was appalling. Filled with stereotypes and ignorance and treating bathroom sex as typical of how gay men relate sexually, I will never forget it. In his latest edition there is almost no improvement in his treatment of male-male sexuality. To him, gay men are still denizens of bathrooms and bathhouses. He does not seem to conceive of the idea that two men could manifest physical love to each other. From a mechanical standpoint he is also laughingly and hopelessly mis-informed. Why did the publisher revive this homophobic work?

A bigoted, sensationalistic, inaccurate book, and shame on his publishers for thinking so little of the public as to make it available.It is wrong about same-sex love, wrong about S/M, wrong about menopause, and that's as far as I got before throwing the book down in disgust.

Dr. Reuben's book is an update of his classic bestseller, and the reviews mentioning the previous edition make me happy to have grown up in a later generation that speaks about sex more openly.

The author's views have progressed somewhat since the earlier edition, but if you would like an unbiased view of sexuality, this is not the book to buy. For one, there is an anti-gay tone to all of the information on gay sex and culture. I am a 30+ hetero woman and I cringed at some of what was written here. I don't think authors should cater to a politically correct audience, but I was surprised that this came from a medical doctor with a specialty in psychiatry! At another point in the book, he talks about the IUD method of birth control almost as if it is responsible for sexually transmitted diseases. As far as I know, many women successfully use this as their birth control method...seems strange?! All in all, a fun read if you are interested in popular culture. But --especially for young readers-- there are much better books on the subject.