53 of 54 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Not the best book around., December 26, 1999
This review is from: The Everything Jewish Wedding Book: The complete guide to planning the ceremony and celebration-from traditional to contemporary-for the most important day of your life (Paperback)
Lets face it - Planning a wedding is stressful, and a Jewish wedding is no exception. Unfortunately, this book did not help me very much in planning for my wedding (September, 2000). The illustrations are cute, and the bredth of topics is large, but the details of the wedding never go farther than the surface. The book seems to be written for a "general" jewish wedding, whatever that means. That is, it skirts over the differences between sects in Judism, speaking in generalities instead of specifics. If this is the only Jewish wedding book you have, you are going to have more questions about the traditions of the wedding immediately.
I was especially annoyed that the author just assumed that she was speaking to the bride, and not the groom. I quote from the introduction: "Mazel tov! You're engaged, soon to be married, and you, your future husband, and your parents are doubly blessed." Lovely sentiments, but who am I, chopped liver? I am the one reading the book. I was also disappointed that such a small percentage of the book was devoted to the ceremony itself, with the lionshare of the book detailing who should pay for what, and why you shouldn't invite your father's business friends. These things are important, but they are not specifically "Jewish" in nature - those things can be found in any Bride's magazine.
If you really want an excellent guide, try Anita Diamant's "The New Jewish Wedding." It goes into much more depth about the ceremony, and explains how to make the wedding yours in a spiritual sense. And good luck on your wedding (or the wedding of a loved one).
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25 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Too much tradition, not enough help., June 27, 1999
This review is from: The Everything Jewish Wedding Book: The complete guide to planning the ceremony and celebration-from traditional to contemporary-for the most important day of your life (Paperback)
In planning my October 1999 wedding, I have been doing a great deal of research into Jewish customs and traditions. I have amassed quite a collection of Jewish wedding books (most from Amazon). I must confess to being quite disappointed in the tone and content of this particular book. It seemed skewed toward the Conservative/Orthodox bride, and seemed to advocate the continuation of many of the wedding traditions that relegate women to second-class citizens within the Jewish community. I certainly understand that some modern brides still take part in these ceremonial elements, but I would have appreciated some more information about alternative ceremonies that didn't come with a value judgement attached.
For example, information about making the ceremony more egalitarian appears in the chapter "Unconventional Weddings" in a paragraph titled "Changing the Wedding Ritual" that starts out "Feminist-oriented brides often regard traditional rituals as "enslaving" or "male chauvanist." The section ends with a warning that implies that any change to the ceremony, if permitted at all, will make it less dignified, less impressive, less holy. I consider myself a feminist, and I have no quarrel with the rituals for brides who choose to embrace them in accordance with their beliefs. That said, I think that modern (Reform) Judaism recognizes that women in our history have their proper, equal place ALONGSIDE men, and have made meaningful changes in the construct of the ketubah and the wedding ceremony that reflect this equal stature. I would have preferred to see more information about such changes.
A reference to the oyfruf speaks about it as a male-only event that is "slowly gaining acceptance" in "a few modern Orthodox women's study groups." As a Reform Jewish woman, I have witnessed many couple's oyfrufs, which are lovely, celebratory, and inclusive events. Again, more information about planning this type of oyfruf would have been valuable to me.
I'm also a bit bothered by the fact that this book doesn't really account for the groom's participation in the planning of the wedding. My fiance and I have worked very hard at determining the traditions that we find meaningful in the ceremony, and including those elements we find important. We have decided TOGETHER that for us, a trip to the mikveh and the b'deken speak to what divides us, not what unites us, and we have decided to eliminate these, as well as circling the groom, from our ceremony. We will replace them instead with thoughtful, prayerful readings and time with our families and attendants discussing the unity of marriage.
All in all, if you decide to buy this book, I would caution you to balance it with others from this category (Anita Diamant's comes to mind) that provide better, more comprehensive and balanced information, without making it sound like your wedding will be all wrong if you don't subscribe to the Orthodox/Conservative traditions of mikveh, seclusion, b'deken, and circling the groom.
Whether you choose to embrace all, some or none of the traditions, whether you choose to have a "by the book" ceremony, or create your own, I wish all of my fellow brides-to-be easy planning and a mazel tov!
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
The worst book on Jewish wedding I've bought, February 13, 2002
This review is from: The Everything Jewish Wedding Book: The complete guide to planning the ceremony and celebration-from traditional to contemporary-for the most important day of your life (Paperback)
I am planning my Jewish wedding and wanted to make my decisions as informed as possible. This book did not help me at all: it is much more about old and outdated etiquette (all the gifts belong to bride; ex-partners should never be invited to your new wedding, etc.) than about how to plan a meaningful Jewish wedding. If what you are looking for is a set of rules, this might be a book for you; if you are looking for a source of information to help YOU TO MAKE DECISIONS, try other books on Jewish Weddings.... (I recommend "Beyond breaking the glass", from Rabbi Nancy Wiener)
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