Everything And A Kite [Audiobook, Unabridged] [Audio Cassette]

Ray Romano (Author, Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 1998

The hilarious new audiobook from the star of Everybody Loves Raymond.

All right, the fact that you're reading the back of my audiobook cover makes me feel good. It tells me you've probably seen me on my TV show, Everybody Loves Raymond, or doing my stand-up comedy. On the other hand, maybe you're in the store standing next to someone you want to flirt with, and you picked this up from the rack just to look busy. I hate to say it, but if that's the case and they see you holding this audiobook, you just made it a lot harder on yourself.

What you have to do now is show them the cover and tell them you're only reading to see if it explains the size of my head. There you go. That could get you a little laugh. All that matters is, you've broken the ice. You start dating, fall in love, have some sex, get married, have less sex, have kids, get really tired, and hardly ever have sex again. Man, that would be great. Then you'd identify with me, and this audiobook would be very funny.

But let's say that doesn't happen. Let's say you go over, tell your little joke, and not only don't they laugh, it looks like they're reaching for the pepper spray. That wouldn't be good. You'd probably go back to living in your parents' basement, keep working your crummy job, get more bad haircuts, have to deal with your overprotective mom and oddball dad, and not be sure if you'd ever have contact with the opposite sex again. Excuse me, but were you and I separated at birth?

Guess what? It looks like this audiobook is going to be funny to you no matter what happens. I don't want to say it has your name on it, but do me a favor, and when you get home, take a Magic Marker and add it to the cover.

This is good. It feels right. As a matter of fact, you've given me the confidence to say that my audiobook not only relates to you but probably to everyone. Sure, it's got what people are used to from me: the wife, the family the neuroses. But it also explores a lot more about life. It's got a little bit of everything. Everything and, shall we say, a kite? Yes, that's the title and it'll be explained later. For crying out loud, have some faith, new friend.

Wow. Try and get ahold of yourself.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Ray Romano's Everybody Loves Raymond is the most important TV comedy since Seinfeld. Now he makes his debut as an author with a reported seven-figure book deal. Some of what makes his show great is captured between the covers of Everything and a Kite--it boasts the same affectionate, yet not cheaply sentimental, comedy that conveys actual insights about family life, an experience Martin Mull has likened to "having a bowling alley installed in your brain." The show is like Married... with Children with a heart or Home Improvement with a brain.

In book form, Romano is kind of like Dave Barry. Barry is funnier on the page, but Romano writes a good spritz-of-consciousness monologue. And Barry dared not utter the word prostate in Dave Barry Turns 50, but Romano provides a state-of-the-art prostate-exam reminiscence. There is no shame he shuns--not his fear of spiders, exacerbated when he splooshed one off his windshield with the washer button through the moonroof into the car while driving, nor his sexual-conquest count ("one less than the number of times I've been stung by a bee... greater than the number of times I've put a pet to sleep... exactly equal to the number of times I've been crapped on by a bird"). But Romano stole his title: when he asked his 4-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday, the kid said, "Everything and a kite." --Tim Appelo --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Star of the hit sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, the amiably bemused Romano here puts his stand-up act on the page, and?despite a few dull patches?remains amusingly down-to-earth. The title refers to one of his kids' birthday requests, and the Queens-raised, Italian-American comic can mine the family/kids/guyhood comedy lode with the best of 'em. "Bugs are simply our jurisdiction," Romano says of men and the marriage contract and the task of killing creepy-crawlies, while parents could use a "nap pressure gauge" to monitor their child's consciousness. How often does a guy with four kids have sex? Well, "the next day I pay my estimated tax." Most of Romano's shtick seems believable, and even the stuff that clearly stretches?like his taking off his pants to keep alert while driving?seems in character. Romano's "proud history of accumulated neuroses" apparently gives him the perspective to appreciate the concept that "your happiness peaks at three," as when his daughter daydreams about... candy. Major ad/promo; simultaneous BDD audio cassette and CD.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio; Unabridged edition (October 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0671043765
• ISBN-13: 978-0671043766
• Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 4.1 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,241,137 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The quick and the funny ..., August 26, 2005

By 

Antimony3 (Budd Lake, NJ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Everything and a Kite (Mass Market Paperback)

I enjoyed this book partly because I happen to enjoy Ray Romano's comedic style. If you like the TV show then you will probably like this book.

I'd definitely recommend the audiobook over the paper version b/c it's all about the delivery! Do be forewarned though that there is so profanity in the book. It's not used flagrantly but if that sort of stuff offends you, you may want to take heed. If you buy the audioversion then just don't listen to it with the kids in the car unless you want them to repeat the bad language - it's promient enough for them to pick up on it. This is a very quick read and if you have kids you will certainly appreciate many of the stories that Ray shares with his audience. They are very funny. Worth purchasing.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely funny!, November 30, 2004

By 

Vishal Jangla (California) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Everything and a Kite (Hardcover)

Don't expect any detailed plots or intelligent twists and turns. This book is hilarious because it focuses on Ray and his view of life. If you like his kind of funny, you will love this book.

Recommended for Ray fans!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Just as good as the show, April 21, 2004

By 

Chris Frost (Ingalls, IN United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Everything and a Kite (Hardcover)

And why shouldn't it be? The book, like the show, is observational comedy based on his own family. Every page seemed to have something on it that would garner at least an audible chuckle, if not better. But one warning......don't read this when you're around your spouse/significant other, though. You'll end up reading it a second time out loud!