Everything I Never Wanted to Be [Kindle Edition]

Dina Kucera (Author)

Book Description

"Raw and funny." -- Joel Stein, Time Magazine columnist

"Like a maelstrom." -- Gary Klinga, ForeWord Review

"A life-changing experience. It will inspire you never to give up." -- Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On

Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera is the true story of a family's battle with alcoholism and drug addiction. Dina's grandparents were alcoholics, her father was an alcoholic, she is an alcoholic and pill addict, and all three of her daughters struggle with alcohol and drug addiction--including her youngest daughter, who started using heroin at age fourteen.

Dina's household also includes her husband and his unemployed identical twin; a mother who has Parkinson's Disease; a grandson who has cerebral palsy; and other people who drift in and out of the household depending on their employment situation or rehab status.

On top of all that, Dina is trying to make it as a stand-up comic and author so she can quit her crummy job as a grocery store clerk. Through it all, Dina does her best to hold her family together, keep her faith, and maintain her sense of humor.

As you might imagine, a story filled with alcoholics and drug addicts includes a number of horrific events. But in the end, Everything I Never Wanted to Be is an uplifting story that contains valuable lessons for parents and teens alike, and a strong message about the need to address the epidemic of teen drug addiction in our nation. It's a book that can change behavior and save lives--and make you laugh along the way.

"Open and honest." -- Charline Ratcliff, Rebecca's Reads

"Malcolm in the Middle meets Cops." -- Jenny Mounfield, The Compulsive Reader

"So absolutely over the top that it makes readers laugh out loud and thank God it is not them." -- Robin Martin, San Francisco Book Review

If you want the inside story when it comes to life on the edge -- and if you want to laugh out loud in spite of yourself -- read this book.

Editorial Reviews

Review

4.06 Stars, 34 reviews, 117 ratings on Goodreads

"How come people who have experienced such trauma write so well? Everything I Never Wanted to Be is so raw and funny that it almost makes me want to have horrible things happen to me so my writing will improve. Until I can orchestrate that, I can enjoy reading about Dina Kucera's horrible life." -Joel Stein, Time Magazine columnist, author of Man Made: A Stupid Quest for Masculinity

"Dina's voice is so powerful, clear, and natural that I felt she was talking directly to me. Her story made me cry, wince, laugh, and shake my head in disbelief. A must-read for parents and teenagers. A life-changing experience. It will inspire you never to give up." -Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On

"I started reading this book and couldn't put it down. It is terrific! It is a very visceral description of the lives of the author and her family, full of side-busting humor and moments of incredible drama and emotion. I don't think there is anything like it in this genre. It deserves the attention of reviewers and the media. I can see it becoming a hilarious movie in the vein of 'The Hangover' or the original 'Death at a Funeral.'" -Mark Shelmerdine, CEO, Jeffers Press

"This book will appeal to people who have suffered from a family member who is hooked on drugs or to a drug-dependent person who has compassion for the hardships caused by his addiction. It is an uplifting story that shows a brighter side is coming." -RehabAlert.com, Top 50 Drug Rehab Books

"In this day of whiny chick lit, this book is a breath of fresh air. It is a lesson in accepting and appreciating what life throws at you." -Valorie Hart, visualvamp.blogspot.com

From the Author

From the "Acknowledgements" section of Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera:
My husband, my daughters, my grandson, and my mother...thank you for all the material. Good and bad. Mike O'Mary...thank you for being the one who said yes, after seventy-four people said no. Thank you, thank you for your patience and editing and believing in me and publishing this little book. Mark Shelmerdine, thank you for being my mentor and friend. I do not believe I would have been able to continue forward without your encouragement and support. Thank you could never convey how grateful I am. Thank you my sister Lisa for making me laugh and think and "suggesting" that I smooth out the rough edges. Which often included lengthy vile rants that were heavily peppered with the F word. Thank you to the random people who have come in and out of my house with warrants, in ankle bracelets, and high, drunk, or detoxing. You looked me right in the face, grinding your teeth and falling asleep in mid-sentence, and attempted to explain the problem with trucks that don't have cup holders large enough to hold a Big Gulp, and in the next breath wondered what we can do about the kids in orphanages in the Hamptons. And last, but sort of first, thank you stand-up comics across the country for making me laugh when I really didn't have anything to laugh about. From the top to the bottom of this list, I truly love you all. I get far more than I give. Thank you. -- Dina Kucera

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• File Size: 373 KB
• Print Length: 218 pages
• Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0982579438
• Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
• Publisher: Dream of Things (March 17, 2011)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B004SPW56A
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• X-Ray: Enabled
• Lending: Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #20,073 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
  • #18 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Recovery > Drug Dependency

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars "Malcolm in the Middle meets Cops" -- Jenny Mounfield, The Compulsive Reader, Sept. 2010 January 12, 2011

By Ukie2001

Format:Paperback

When this book came up for review my first thought was: Oh yes, another family dealing with addiction. Been there, done that. But as I had nothing better to do, I went along...and read an excerpt. I was hooked.

So what makes this memoir so special? As with fiction, it's all about voice: the fairy dust that brings words to life, gives them a heartbeat. Dina has a voice many authors would cheerfully give a limb for, and what's truly amazing is I don't think she has any idea she possesses such a gift.

Recovering alcoholic and pill popper, Dina lives in Phoenix with husband John (also a recovering addict--who has a life-threatening heart condition thrown in for good measure), an infirm mother who sees things that aren't there, and at various times one or more of her three grown daughters, all of whom have addictions and various other issues. Add to this her less than glorious job at the local supermarket and what you get is a family dynamic that falls somewhere between, Malcolm in the Middle and Cops.

`My customer counts out ninety-six cents in change. "Can I get rid of this?" Of course you can. The express lane is the perfect place to unload your enormous pile of change.'

Without a doubt, the Kucera family is a family in crisis. Sadly, the crisis--or rather, crises--aren't anything unusual by today's standards; after all, the world is filled with dysfunctional families. What is unusual is how this family's matriarch has not only come to live with crisis, but bulldoze through it when so many others would have dropped the can and bolted years ago. The reason I single Dina out is that I believe this family would cease to exist without her at its head keeping it together on a daily basis.

`My house is like living with the circus. All we need is a midget and a bearded-lady. Well, all we need is a midget.'

One of six children--five of whom became addicted to something that wasn't good for them--Dina had a bohemian childhood living in a commune of sorts in Albuquerque New Mexico. As a child she was plagued with anxiety and a host of irrational fears even though there was plenty of genuine danger dogging her life. Her schooling ended with ninth grade and from there it was pretty much all downhill.

`When I was about nine, my siblings and I fell out of a moving van at an intersection. My dad didn't notice for about five blocks.'

But don't think for one minute this is a tale to inspire pity. Far from it. Neither does Dina come across as a victim. She tells her story with matter of factness and humour, imparting wisdom and insights along the way. This wisdom has come at a huge price and she doesn't underestimate its value. Her story, this getting of wisdom, is about what it means to be human, and what it means to survive despite the odds.

By far the most difficult passages to read in Dina's story are those concerning her youngest daughter, Carly's battle with drugs. The title of this book comes from a poem written by Carly at age sixteen:

`I have decided that when I get caught doing something by the police I will kill myself right away.
I have destroyed my family.
I have become everything I never wanted to be.'

Everything I Never Wanted to Be will tie your heart in knots, it will have you howling in frustration and it will make you laugh out loud. This story is for everyone, not just for those plagued by addiction. In fact, those with the least experience with this disease will have the most to gain. I use the word, `disease' in the singular case here because whatever the addiction it's all the same beast. Addiction is addiction whether it be to alcohol, heroin. or green M&Ms. Addiction is the engine that drives the behaviour. The only real difference between one and other is how fast it'll kill you. I strongly urge everyone to read Dina's story. For parents in particular, this should be compulsory reading. This book has the power to change lives.

About the reveiwer: Jenny Mounfield is the author of three novels for children and YAs In addition, several of her short stories and articles have appeared both in print and online. She has regularly reviewed children's books for e-zine Buzz Words since 2006 and is currently working on her first adult novel.

21 of 24 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The struggle of one woman to keep her family from falling apart while she herself was also falling apart. November 10, 2011

By Autumn Blues Reviews

Format:Paperback

If today for some reason you believe your life is falling apart, is not fair or you have been dealt a bad hand. Why is this happening to me you may say? If you may think your life is so bad, you feel you just don't know how you will get through the next day. I promise if you read "Everything I Never Wanted To Be," your outlook on life will change in an instant. Suddenly your life won't feel so bad and it might even seem like a slice of heaven. Dina Kucera has lived through hell most of her life and no hell is more real than watching your children and family struggle through addiction or mental illness, while feeling overwhelmed and helpless as you try to care for those members and try to be everything to everyone, until you yourself are run down into the ground. There is so much in this book I couldn't even begin to explain what Kucera has gone through. What I liked most about Dina's book is that it is raw and real, she did not sugar coat anything and honestly told her story completely from her heart and did not hold anything back. Was she probably embarrassed for herself, her family, her children when thinking about how the whole world would react once they read her story? Did she have doubts about writing this memoir, probably so? But I am more than sure that the weight Dina has been caring on her shoulders has gotten a heck of a lot lighter after writing this book and it will bring her much healing. I read this book without judgement and I still place no blame on anyone after finishing it. None of us are given a book at birth that tells us how life will be, how it should be or how we should behave. If you were blessed with good parents that raised you well, then you have been truly blessed. If you have not been born or have no family or friends that struggle with addiction or mental illness whether it be alcoholism, ADHD, autism, anxiety or any genetic or inherited abnormalities or metabolic disorders, then you are truly special. But the truth is the majority of people on this planet are not and the choices most of us make are mostly made due to how we feel at the moment, while we blindly walk our way through life, again unless we have good role models to teach us otherwise. Dina is a very strong person, stronger than she will ever know and I am sure if she continues to ask God for help for her family things will continue to improve. For God is all around us but we need to reach out and ask for help, for he wants us to reach out. Sometimes in my own personal life I have noticed God will not interfere unless I have reached out to him, sometimes in desperation, but I have asked for help. As we all have free will, and are free to pray and ask for that help. Dina and I share one thing in common and that is the stress of caring for an elderly mother in her home. Maybe Dina has never given this a thought, but Dina deserves a huge reward just for stepping up to the plate to care for her elderly mom who is also suffering Parkinson's disease. While working in the medical field I have seen so many cases of abused and neglected elderly. Most of these elderly had children who just abandoned them and never even acknowledged their existence. My life has not been roses either and I can surely write my own book as I myself have struggled through life while raising my own children, my first marriage was to an addict. We are all on this planet to grow spiritually, it just comes easier to some more than others, but no growth comes without God. After reading this memoir I will be sending my prayers to Dina and that Dina receives the healing her and her family so desperately needs.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars My Christmas List has been Simplified!! November 3, 2010

By lisayazzie

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I met Dina and her husband John while they were visiting their daughter Carly and she invited me to a comedy show she was doing in Tucson. Knowing very well, a comedian must have REAL talent to make me laugh, I went to the comedy club that night. I was completely blown away with Dina's amazing ability to take real life situations and make them hilarious without exaggeration! I knew these were her real experiences having sat with her daughter. Dina had no mercy on us as we gasped for air and prayed she would stop only for a moment to give the burning of our stomach muscles a rest!
Her book is no different. She has no need to spice up, exaggerate, or make up her writing. Her story is a heartfelt, witty, traumatic & intense journey that leaves you feeling like you are not alone & someone out there also struggles to keep their family in together despite the obstacles.
During a workshop with her family, me and my daughter had dinner with them. Reading Dina's book brought back memories of how she made us laugh with the stories of her family & how we were unable to finish our salads with "oversized leafs" of lettuce!
I don't know Dina's older daughters but I do know Carly and she is an amazingly intelligent woman! Dina captures this in her book and has reason to be very proud despite the wreckage she has had to endure! It was amazing to watch Carly's healing take place and to see what a real asset in others recovery process she was.
I have had many moments since reading her book where I think I have it tough, and then remember how Dina rushed to the hospital because her daughter had overdosed again. Moments where I have thought about planning a vacation, and then remembered how Disneyland turned out for them. Times when I laugh out loud by myself, my kids no longer ask; they just say "that book!" This happens often...
I recommend this book to anyone who wants a shot of reality with a plenty of humor to wash it down! Whether you are affected by addiction or not (most are in some way) you will love this book and have a hard time putting it down. I would've quoted the book but I have already lent it out; something I said I would not do, but I want everyone to enjoy a good thing!

More About the Author

Dina Kucera was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico. After completing a project to collect and identify fifty insects, she graduated from the ninth grade and left school for good. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Her first job was a paper route, and she has worked as a maid, bartender, waitress, and grocery store checker. She recently left her job as a checker to become a writer.

She has also been a stand-up comic for twenty years, for which she receives payment ranging from a small amount of money to a very, very small amount of money. When it comes to awards and recognition, she was once nominated for a Girl Scout sugar cookie award, but she never actually received the award because her father decided to stop at a bar instead of going to the award ceremony. Dina waited on the curb outside the bar, repeatedly saying to panhandlers, "Sorry. I don't have any money. I'm seven." Dina is married with three daughters, one stepson, and one grandson. She currently lives in Phoenix, Arizona.