Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor [Hardcover]

Roger Welsch (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 29, 2002

Best-selling author and humorist Roger Welsch comes through again as he delivers his outrageous anecdotes from the farm fields of Nebraska. Jam-packed with Rog's creative techniques for picking up babes, buying suitable gifts for anniversaries, first dates and more! Roger digs deep into his own down-home experiences to deliver his comic and witty take on love, sex, romance, and marriage as he guides more innocent generations down the same road to success that he enjoys in his own relationships. This humorous guide examines everything from evading capture and the old catch-and-release tactic, to the dreaded blind date. This "ultimate contribution to mankind" reveals the coveted trade secrets Roger Welsch holds dear and deserves prominent placement on the bookshelf of every self-respecting male.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: MBI (September 29, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0760311498
• ISBN-13: 978-0760311493
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,081,049 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

43 of 44 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Tractors and Women, February 2, 2008

By 

A. D. Cox (northern PA, USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

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This review is from: Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor (Hardcover)

Love, Sex, and Tractors

When asked to define love, I could not find my tongue. I wished to expound on its nature. To praise a woman whose beauty has launched a thousand ships, and men have fought, and bled, and gotten sepsis and scurvy over. Perhaps Ovid said it best: "Love, it is a kind of warfare." Yup, just like a man to compare love with battle, but within the minds of men it is. We struggle with our pride, pay homage to our honor, and seek an answer in our hearts. But love isn't an action movie. We don't get to blow anything up or have car chases, and the only thing a man risks breaking is his heart.

Nope, men just don't understand women. It's not our fault. Women attend "Women School." You don't think it's a coincidence that all women say the same things, demand the same things and complain about the same things? Yep, women old and young thin and fat, mothers and daughters. They're alike because they have all attended women school. What do you think they're doing in the ladies room? It doesn't take five gals to go to the bathroom. It's a class called confusing men 101.

You'd like to tilt the balance. You could grab one of those relationship books from the self-help section, but they are mostly written by women for women. Wouldn't you like to read a book from the male perspective? If you have an easier time understanding how a carburetor works than the female brain, then you don't have to look any farther than Roger Welsch author of Love, Sex and Tractors and the instructive follow-up Everything I Know About Women, I Learned From My Tractor. Welsch is a folklorist, humorist, and writer who has appeared on the CBS News Sunday Morning program with a segment called "Postcards from Nebraska".

Love, sex and tractors? You betcha. When a man writes about tractor repair, he is writing about love sex and relationships, and when a man is writing about love, sex and relationships, he is writing about tractor repair. The way a guy approaches these tasks is pretty much the same. Folks, these are not books filled with hypothetical theories written by therapists with more letters behind their names than a bowl of alphabet soup, but practical advice by a guy who's been banished to the workshop with nothing but a pillow and a pair of fluffy, bunny slippers. Roger gives real and practical spousal survival hints and explains exactly where you screwed up and how to fix it.

You might as well face it. Sooner or later, probably sooner, you are going to mess up. It really doesn't matter what you have done wrong. Or that you have done anything wrong at all. Although, if you are a typical, red-blooded male, you have almost certainly done something wrong, and that is where the male generic apology comes in. This is one handy piece of advice that you should laminate and carry with you at all times.

Old Roger reveals the mysteries of life, love and axle grease. With his shop manual of love, he will guide you through the language of love (men and women speak a different language), finding the right woman for you (probably not at the strip club), courtship (don't make your first date a monster truck rally), and if you are already married how to collect tractors without being thrown out by your spouse.
He offers shop techniques for when your daughter starts dating starting with, "If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up." And delves into the differences between the sexes:" Yes means no, no means no in all cases where no does not mean yes, and yes maybe means yes, but sometimes also no.

Course, why fix something that ain't broken? A man knows that any engine needs proper preventative maintenance. The best way to keep a motor purring is to change the oil regular and give it tender loving care. So, take that extra minute to put the toilet seat down, and at least maybe try that thing called laundry sorting. Tractors and restoration may be easier, more gratifying, quieter and easier to get along with, but women smell nicer...

Kevin Coolidge putters around at From My Shelf Books in Wellsboro Pennsylvania. Check it out at www.wellsborobookstore.com

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Rog - I miss the tractor stories!, October 16, 2002

By 

TomatoLady (Western, NY United States) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Everything I Know about Women I Learned from My Tractor (Hardcover)

If you are looking for another collection of Roger's wonderful tractor stories, you will be disappointed. BUT, that's OK, because this isn't a book about tractors. This is a book about guy's who like stuff like tractors trying to understand the gals who don't like stuff like tractors (as much as they do). I did miss the tractors, but when he gives "real-life" examples of what he has learned about women, his usual wry sense of humor and terrific story telling ability comes through, and I was sad to reach the last page. If what you are looking for is a relationship book your tractor man might actually read and understand, ladies, this is the one. Guys, if you are looking for someone who understands the ups and downs of living with women (or trying to), and has some advice on how to cope with our strange behavior, here it is. And this is coming from a woman who would rather the tricks we learn in Woman School remain shrouded in mystery! I'm sure my beloved tractor nut, for whom I purchased this book, will spend hours laughing over Roger's theories.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Everything I know about women I learned from my tractor, March 11, 2004

By 

Thndrbckt (Bucketville, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Everything I know about Women I learned from my Tractor (Paperback)

I currently have only one wife, yet have been tractorless for several years. The reading of most of Capt'n Nebraska's books will point out the error of this in the pursuit of a balanced life style.
Ode To The Out House inspired me to buy a shovel...the "Tractor Series" gave a finishing touch to the questions I've sought answered since puberty.
I plan one day, to make the pilgrimage to Dannebrog, NE [the home of Roger Welsch] to bask in the shadow of greatness, see the Liar's Hall...and hope for free lunch at the tavern.