Told from a next-wife’s point of view, this book offers a candid, sometimes tongue-in-cheek, exposé of the realities of remarriage. Using these lessons, women contemplating marriage to divorced men can arm themselves for what lays ahead. Everything is comprehensively covered: learning to survive the murky waters of stepmothering, mastering the treacherous terrain of reluctant in-laws, avoiding tripping in the footsteps of the woman who came first, and exorcising the ghosts of their new husband’s ex-life once and for all.
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About the Author
Paula J. Egner is the former stepparenting editor for BellaOnline.com, the former lay speaker for United Methodist Churches in west Tennessee, and the author of If There Be None and The Miracle of Remarriage. She lives in Hixson, Tennessee.
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36 of 38 people found the following review helpful
By Phoenix
I was never married but my husband was twice-divorced with two kids when we met. His first wife with whom he did not have any kids was a mature and decent woman. His second was a nightmare. Their marriage was doomed from the beginning because of the disparity in temperament and intellect. My husband was single for six years when we got married.
Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that:
1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority)
2. he is supportive of you
3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline
4. he is firm with his ex
5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage
Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right.... Read more ›
Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that:
1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority)
2. he is supportive of you
3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline
4. he is firm with his ex
5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage
Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right.... Read more ›
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
By S. Vane
Amazon Verified Purchase
I had really been struggling w/ my boyfriends ex wife and his ex life. When I seen this book I knew I had to get it and I am glad I did. So many things in the book were exactly what I had been going through. This book not only helps you learn how to cope and deal w/ your significant other's past but it also helps validate your feelings. I got a peace of mind from this book realizing that it was not just me. That the things I have been experiencing are normal and to be expected. I also let my boyfriend read it so that he could see and understand for himself what I go through. The book is well written and blunt, the author does not sugar coat the issues, which I like. The book will help you realize that it does not matter that there was one (or however many) before you, all that matters are you are here now. The book said something that I had never really thought about before and that is the fact that although I may never be the first wife I can be the last and that is all that matters. I would encourage anyone who is having to deal w/ an ex wife and an ex life to read this book.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
I just finished reading Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife. Wow, what a turkey. Where do I even begin?
How about with grammar and usage. This book could have really benefited from an editor, and preferably one who wasn't absent the day they explained where the commas go. It's like she just randomly threw them in anywhere. It makes reading an already tedious book even more so.
Second, there's the religion. Nothing about this book's title or description led me to believe that it would be full of religion, but I assure you, it is. If, like me, you were not raised in a Christian household, you may find it very off-putting. I was looking for a book to help with dealing with my partner's ex, not a lesson in Jesus, Matthew, or Job.
And speaking of help dealing with an ex, that's what this book is supposed to be about, right? Sadly, there's not much help to be found here. The author gave *some* scenarios which were situations I'd not thought to anticipate, but then offered precious little in the way of advice for dealing with them. The advice she did give can more or less be summed up in two words: Be perfect. Don't grumble or grouse, don't be caught even *whispering* a negative thought ... just sit quietly with a smile on your face and everything will work out.
Great. Thanks. I'll get right on that.
One final word. I have no idea why this bothered me so much, but it did: The expression is "TUNE in," not "TONE in." For the love of Mike, woman: FIND YOURSELF AN EDITOR!
How about with grammar and usage. This book could have really benefited from an editor, and preferably one who wasn't absent the day they explained where the commas go. It's like she just randomly threw them in anywhere. It makes reading an already tedious book even more so.
Second, there's the religion. Nothing about this book's title or description led me to believe that it would be full of religion, but I assure you, it is. If, like me, you were not raised in a Christian household, you may find it very off-putting. I was looking for a book to help with dealing with my partner's ex, not a lesson in Jesus, Matthew, or Job.
And speaking of help dealing with an ex, that's what this book is supposed to be about, right? Sadly, there's not much help to be found here. The author gave *some* scenarios which were situations I'd not thought to anticipate, but then offered precious little in the way of advice for dealing with them. The advice she did give can more or less be summed up in two words: Be perfect. Don't grumble or grouse, don't be caught even *whispering* a negative thought ... just sit quietly with a smile on your face and everything will work out.
Great. Thanks. I'll get right on that.
One final word. I have no idea why this bothered me so much, but it did: The expression is "TUNE in," not "TONE in." For the love of Mike, woman: FIND YOURSELF AN EDITOR!
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
By J. Horowitz
This is a great book for women who are going into a blended family remarriage. I am now into this situation and did not have any clue what I was going to get into in the beginning. Ex-wives are a pain in the marriage especially if the ex wife is the bitter one. If your new found love is not committed and will not put you in his priority list then it is useless for you to even try to get into it. He should be strong enough to not worry about what his ex feels but should worry more about how you the next wife feels. Almost most of the situations described in this book happened into my remarriage. LOVE is the only strongest hold in this kind of relationship. I give this book a 5 star rating. If you know of somebody going into this remarriage into a blended family situation, gift her with this book. She will appreciate your thoughts.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars
Not what I was looking for
After reading No One's the Bitch (NOTB), I was excited to pick up Ex-wives and Ex-Lives. This book is no competition to NOTB and I was greatly disappointed. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Neishia Bartow
5.0 out of 5 stars
Amazing book
I wish I would have read this book before I started to feel so guilty about my husbands ex spouse and family! Read more
Published 3 months ago by Christina
2.0 out of 5 stars
everything we know
Book was ok - it told you all that we know about ex-wives but didnt come up with any solutions on how to deal with her. It just told it how it is.
Published 7 months ago by jj
1.0 out of 5 stars
waste of time and money
This book doesn't really even try to offer advice, all it does is summarize the problems and explain how everything can go wrong. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Blondie172
1.0 out of 5 stars
Insulting
I am a second wife and a step mother who continually seeks out books on how to navigate the dark waters of this challenging life choice. Read more
Published 24 months ago by Cate
5.0 out of 5 stars
So helpful!
I am so thankful I purchased this book. This book has been so helpful and right on traget when it comes to what I have been going through. Glad to know I'm not alone in this.
Published on May 2, 2011 by Audrey
1.0 out of 5 stars
Did not help
This book is like all of the other books. It says be nice and look past everything. I can understand doing that to a certain point. Read more
Published on April 12, 2011 by Ashley
1.0 out of 5 stars
NOt helpful - just ranting
I ordered this book looking for helpful advice. All it gave was endless ranting about how awful being remarried (escpecially with step-children) can be. It left me feeling worse!
Published on April 5, 2010 by Heather Cole
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful Book
I read this book right after I got engaged to a man with an ex-wife and daughter, and so many of the scenarios rang so true for me even then, it was if the author had written the... Read more
Published on March 4, 2010 by E. Hill
5.0 out of 5 stars
Fun Read
An entertaining book, that definitely helped put some things back in perspective. I would suggest all second wives with a sense of humor read this one!
Published on March 2, 2009 by S. Glusko
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