Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife [Paperback]

Paula J Egner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 2004

Told from a next-wife’s point of view, this book offers a candid, sometimes tongue-in-cheek, exposé of the realities of remarriage. Using these lessons, women contemplating marriage to divorced men can arm themselves for what lays ahead. Everything is comprehensively covered: learning to survive the murky waters of stepmothering, mastering the treacherous terrain of reluctant in-laws, avoiding tripping in the footsteps of the woman who came first, and exorcising the ghosts of their new husband’s ex-life once and for all.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Paula J. Egner is the former stepparenting editor for BellaOnline.com, the former lay speaker for United Methodist Churches in west Tennessee, and the author of If There Be None and The Miracle of Remarriage. She lives in Hixson, Tennessee.

Product Details

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Aptly Spoken Press (May 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 097529640X
• ISBN-13: 978-0975296400
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.6 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #443,305 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #81 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Greatly recommended, August 27, 2008

By 

Phoenix "Phoenix" (Raleigh, NC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife (Paperback)

I was never married but my husband was twice-divorced with two kids when we met. His first wife with whom he did not have any kids was a mature and decent woman. His second was a nightmare. Their marriage was doomed from the beginning because of the disparity in temperament and intellect. My husband was single for six years when we got married.

Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that:
1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority)
2. he is supportive of you
3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline
4. he is firm with his ex
5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage
Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right. That is, if these ex-wives' priority is their children's happiness. It is completely unacceptable for ex-wives to take out their bitterness and failures on their ex-husbands by turning their kids against their fathers, using their kids for emotional blackmail, and sabotaging their ex-husbands' new marriages by creating havoc in their households. If you are caught in an unhappy situation like this, just look into yourself, see how much you can take, and set appropriate boundaries to keep your sanity and happiness. Don't be overly concerned with what others might think. You can succeed if your husband is with you. If he is not with you, again, the marriage is not worth saving.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The last one wins. . . ., June 30, 2006

By 

S. Vane - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife (Paperback)

I had really been struggling w/ my boyfriends ex wife and his ex life. When I seen this book I knew I had to get it and I am glad I did. So many things in the book were exactly what I had been going through. This book not only helps you learn how to cope and deal w/ your significant other's past but it also helps validate your feelings. I got a peace of mind from this book realizing that it was not just me. That the things I have been experiencing are normal and to be expected. I also let my boyfriend read it so that he could see and understand for himself what I go through. The book is well written and blunt, the author does not sugar coat the issues, which I like. The book will help you realize that it does not matter that there was one (or however many) before you, all that matters are you are here now. The book said something that I had never really thought about before and that is the fact that although I may never be the first wife I can be the last and that is all that matters. I would encourage anyone who is having to deal w/ an ex wife and an ex life to read this book.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars More realistic book than many others, June 28, 2007

By 

Arizona Books (Arizona) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife (Paperback)

I've been in 2 marriages with step-baggage so I have personal experience here. This book was more realistic than others in the feelings a new wife may have, but it really doesn't get into the dirt. I never had bad feelings or jealousy toward my husband's first wife until she barged into our lives and started acting like she was still married to him. In no way should you be, as the author said "the forgotten toy at the bottom of the toy box". If you are, then you're doing it all wrong. I've (after much prodding from friends) have decided to write my own thoughts and maybe one day my book will be here. Until then, if you're a new wife and need some consoling that you are not crazy, selfish or alone in your feelings, then by all means read this book. Welcome to the sisterhood.