Customer Reviews

Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I was never married but my husband was twice-divorced with two kids when we met. His first wife with whom he did not have any kids was a mature and decent woman. His second was a nightmare. Their marriage was doomed from the beginning because of the disparity in temperament and intellect. My husband was single for six years when we got married.

Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that:
1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority)
2. he is supportive of you
3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline
4. he is firm with his ex
5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage
Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right. That is, if these ex-wives' priority is their children's happiness. It is completely unacceptable for ex-wives to take out their bitterness and failures on their ex-husbands by turning their kids against their fathers, using their kids for emotional blackmail, and sabotaging their ex-husbands' new marriages by creating havoc in their households. If you are caught in an unhappy situation like this, just look into yourself, see how much you can take, and set appropriate boundaries to keep your sanity and happiness. Don't be overly concerned with what others might think. You can succeed if your husband is with you. If he is not with you, again, the marriage is not worth saving.

I had really been struggling w/ my boyfriends ex wife and his ex life. When I seen this book I knew I had to get it and I am glad I did. So many things in the book were exactly what I had been going through. This book not only helps you learn how to cope and deal w/ your significant other's past but it also helps validate your feelings. I got a peace of mind from this book realizing that it was not just me. That the things I have been experiencing are normal and to be expected. I also let my boyfriend read it so that he could see and understand for himself what I go through. The book is well written and blunt, the author does not sugar coat the issues, which I like. The book will help you realize that it does not matter that there was one (or however many) before you, all that matters are you are here now. The book said something that I had never really thought about before and that is the fact that although I may never be the first wife I can be the last and that is all that matters. I would encourage anyone who is having to deal w/ an ex wife and an ex life to read this book.

I've been in 2 marriages with step-baggage so I have personal experience here. This book was more realistic than others in the feelings a new wife may have, but it really doesn't get into the dirt. I never had bad feelings or jealousy toward my husband's first wife until she barged into our lives and started acting like she was still married to him. In no way should you be, as the author said "the forgotten toy at the bottom of the toy box". If you are, then you're doing it all wrong. I've (after much prodding from friends) have decided to write my own thoughts and maybe one day my book will be here. Until then, if you're a new wife and need some consoling that you are not crazy, selfish or alone in your feelings, then by all means read this book. Welcome to the sisterhood.

This is a great book for women who are going into a blended family remarriage. I am now into this situation and did not have any clue what I was going to get into in the beginning. Ex-wives are a pain in the marriage especially if the ex wife is the bitter one. If your new found love is not committed and will not put you in his priority list then it is useless for you to even try to get into it. He should be strong enough to not worry about what his ex feels but should worry more about how you the next wife feels. Almost most of the situations described in this book happened into my remarriage. LOVE is the only strongest hold in this kind of relationship. I give this book a 5 star rating. If you know of somebody going into this remarriage into a blended family situation, gift her with this book. She will appreciate your thoughts.

A friend recommended this book to me, even though I'm not the next wife ... but I am the next husband! I was amazed at how it applied to my situation. It's obvious that the author understands how it feels not to be the "first love" of your partner. The scenarios are truthful, blunt, and emotional. But it's written with a sense of humor, which makes these tough situations easier to read and digest. I would highly recommend this book for other next husbands!

I just finished reading Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives: Survival Guide for the Next Wife. Wow, what a turkey. Where do I even begin?

How about with grammar and usage. This book could have really benefited from an editor, and preferably one who wasn't absent the day they explained where the commas go. It's like she just randomly threw them in anywhere. It makes reading an already tedious book even more so.

Second, there's the religion. Nothing about this book's title or description led me to believe that it would be full of religion, but I assure you, it is. If, like me, you were not raised in a Christian household, you may find it very off-putting. I was looking for a book to help with dealing with my partner's ex, not a lesson in Jesus, Matthew, or Job.

And speaking of help dealing with an ex, that's what this book is supposed to be about, right? Sadly, there's not much help to be found here. The author gave *some* scenarios which were situations I'd not thought to anticipate, but then offered precious little in the way of advice for dealing with them. The advice she did give can more or less be summed up in two words: Be perfect. Don't grumble or grouse, don't be caught even *whispering* a negative thought ... just sit quietly with a smile on your face and everything will work out.

Great. Thanks. I'll get right on that.

One final word. I have no idea why this bothered me so much, but it did: The expression is "TUNE in," not "TONE in." For the love of Mike, woman: FIND YOURSELF AN EDITOR!

It was an ok read. It didn't really fit my situation. Know that this book concentrates on two divorce people with kids getting remarried. I have never been married and my husband has been married twice and has one child with each ex. This book also concentrates on stories of the husband not being suppotive. My husband is wonderful in helping me in the situation But the ex-wives are spawns of the devil. The have both tried every trick in this book. and they are good firends! I was looking for something more about how to handle the ex-wives.
This is a good read if you have both been married before and you are having trouble with the kids and ex-wives not being accepting to you or if your husband is not being very supportive of the situation. This book makes you feel like you are not alone in this battle. After you read this book make your husband read it also.

I am a second wife and a step mother who continually seeks out books on how to navigate the dark waters of this challenging life choice. What I was searching for was a book that validated how I was feeling and gave me tips / recommendations on how to proceed. Well --

The book's message can be summed up as follows: "Being a second wife and a step mom sucks, and the reality is, your life sucks now, will continue to suck, and you're completely screwed. You're a 'second' wife because in life from this point forward, you will always be second."

I threw the book away and told my step mom's group to not even bother because trash belongs in the trash.

I ordered this book looking for helpful advice. All it gave was endless ranting about how awful being remarried (escpecially with step-children) can be. It left me feeling worse!

Rarely have I found information on being the "next wife". One day while Googling I found this amazing book and read it through in one sitting. I know I am one of many ex-wives/next wives, but the fact that I have come to understand how others are going through what I am going through . . . I am not alone. While I didn't experience everything in the book, I certainly identified with it!

It is so refreshing to hear an authentic voice from someone who clearly understands my situation, instead of just a textbook written from someone who might not have ever actually experienced being a second wife. (I want to learn from someone who is there!) Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives is a good starting place, ending place, and in-between place for understanding the complexities of re-marriage. I have recommended it to my friends who have stepchildren, and those who have struggled like me to define my role . . . it is on my MUST READ list.