23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Turned our marriage around 180 degrees, March 3, 2006
This is an exceptional book that aims at an attainable goal--attainable as long as you understand what you're trying to do. You can't get what you want if you don't know exactly what you want. I wanted an exceptional marriage, but didn't understand why it wasn't happening. Had I married the "wrong" person? Were we not as compatible as I thought when we got engaged?
It is absolutely exciting how radically for the better your married life can change when you systematically follow the principles in this book. It did in my case. And as I changed, so did my wife toward me.
So, what's the secret? Nothing less than living up to the commitment you happened to proclaim publicly on your wedding day--"to love and to cherish in good times and in bad...till death do us part." Is that unconditional or what?
Tall trees can't grow tall in shifting sands. An exceptional marriage is absolutely rooted in the solid ground of unconditional commitment.
Lofty language, but it all boils down to this: so many marriages fail when the participants get caught up in thinking "I'd be nice to her if only she were nice towards me," or "I'd do for her what she wants if only she would act towards me in such a way as to deserve it."
Children! Children! Hey, I used to hear those voices in my own head. I started to grow up when I found the courage to embrace the pain of admitting to myself that maybe I really wasn't the man or husband I wanted to be.
The authors of this book made it plainly obvious to me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't really secure in the person I had become at this point in my life, less than my own ideal. Heck, I had forgotten what that ideal was. (Springsteen's song "One Step Up" always tears me up when he sings "Somewhere along the line I got off track...")
That's where this book is so great. It asks you to be clear about what you want to be when you grow up.
So what does it take to have an exceptional marriage? Read this book. Decide who you want to BE. Choose daily to remind yourself to act lovingly toward your spouse whether your spouse happens to be her best self toward you that day or not. The authors discuss the different stages of improvement in marriage, and how you'll never get to the highest stage if you make your love dependent on circumstances of the moment. You need to see beyond the moment to your vision of what it means to be a great husband or wife.
Want a marriage that's better than average, that's exceptional? Then you've got to be bigger than yourself. Yes, you might even have to grow up. With the help of these authors, I have, and man, the view from here is incredible.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
the only book on relationship that ever made sense, December 7, 2001
Sometimes you come across a book that is like clear music, and that clears up an area of your life that had been foggy forever. That is what this book was like for me. I came out of a failed marriage, and I wanted to understand why I had failed. I read various books. Then I came across this one. It's not the best title, perhaps, since other titles in the same area scream out their message louder. But it made such sense. Popcak speaks among other things of a marital imperative, which both husband and wife commit to, helping each other achieve lifetime goals, so that infidelity becomes far less likely, since another man or woman is not committed to helping you achieve your lifetime goals. Marriage becomes a place where you develop more and more competence. I could go on and on. My only reservation is that it sounded like an awful lot of work, but that could reflect my personal situation right now. I thought to myself, this is how to do marriage and make it work and make it wonderful. Also, I don't think it's just for the exceptional seven percent. And of course in this day and age one would have to say it's not only for marriages. No matter where you are in your relationship or relationship skills, this book might be the revelation you are looking for.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Helped me more than any other marriage book, October 1, 2004
This review is from: The Exceptional Seven Percent (Paperback)
Many books on marriage are designed to teach the basics of communication skills (love languages) to those desperate couples who are on the verge of divorce or abuse, helping them to rebuild their love. This book, however, is for the rest of us, who are in a good position already, who are deeply in love, and maybe even think we don't need help as it's all working just fine. Popcak calls us to a higher ideal, tells us to not settle for being just fine, but to try to be exceptional. Have that type of marriage that fulfills your life's dreams and works for the good of your children and society. The Exceptional Seven Percent does not hide the fact that it will take sacrifice and letting go of old ways of thinking, but it will be well worth it. With surveys and questions along the way, this book makes it easy to chart your progress as you advance through the stages towards being one of the world's happiest couples. Yes, it really is possible, if you're willing to work at it.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
