Customer Reviews

Excitable Boys

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You want gross? It's right here in Excitable Boys. Blech. Seven stories that will have you romping through fetid pools of vomit, diarrhea, deviant couplings, weirdos, giant Poo-Monsters, canibalism, and more. Truly, the sickest collection I have read to date, that still held itself together with talented writers that actually keep a plot running through all the grotesqueries.

In the forward by Kelly Laymon, she explains being at the Gross-Out contest at the World Horror Convention. These gross out sessions are where the horror writers gather for readings of their most disgusting compositions, and (in Laymon's words), "let their freak flags fly". Laymon decided that these tales of aberration and vileness needed to be published, and so along came Excitable Boys. (Thank you Ms. Laymon!)

With each tale, Laymon adds a small, interesting blurb about the author at the end of their story, which I found to be a nice addition. And she managed to pull in the artwork of GAK, a talented and twisted new artist whose sketches and drawings I have come to love in such other books as Dead Cat Bouncing. Just check out the cover art of Excitable Boys, and know there are other visual treats from GAK inside.

First is "Good Care", by Rain Graves. In my opinion, by far the sickest because it deals with the horrors of child abuse.

#2 is "The Constipated Cannibal", by Michael McCarthy. Very short, but any longer and I would have retched.

#3 is "The McCrath Model SS40-C, Series S" by master Edward Lee. This is a Paul Vinchetti story, which if you have read his stomach-heaving "Mr. & Miss Torso", you would already be introduced to this vile mafia Don.

#4 is "Full Of It" by Brian Keene, whose twisted and gross stories I have read before and loved. Here, we meet the Poo-Monster.

#5 is "Attack Of The Fifty-Foot Prisonbitch" by Mark McLaughlin. This is the funniest story in the collection, of a "Leave It To Beaver" type husband and wife who own the Bone Ami Adult Arcade, and pleasantly discuss their most deviant customers. This tale also brings in a little dark fantasy as well, with some odd creatures and, of course, the 50 foot Prisonbitch.

#6 is "A Heartful Of Love, A Bowelful Of Hate" by Gavin Williams. Definitely one of the sickest in the lot, it is a zombie tale of a truly dysfunctional family. Complete with zombie animals!

#7 is "Genital Grinder: A Snuff Film In Five Acts" by Ryan Harding. According to Ms. Laymon, this is the story that started her on the path to this collection. And of course, the worst is saved for last. Snot, bolt cutters, cheese graters, saws, venereal diseases, maggots, machetes, brains, and two of the most sadistic amateur filmmakers ever created.

Completing the book is a funny, true tale by author Geoff Cooper called "Just Like Chicken" where he recounts a rather funny incident at the World Horror Conventions Gross-Out readings. A true encore to these foul additions to your horror collection that will leave you laughing.

Kelly Laymon is the daughter of Richard Laymon, celebrated author of horror and shock-horror. Truly, she has been well tutored.

This book is definitely not for the squeamish or the feint of heart. It is a horror collection of the grossest sort, and even afficionados like myself are best left reading it on an empty stomach.

Enjoy! (if you can...)

It is often difficult to find books like "Excitable Boys." This anthology of gross out horror stories, edited by well known horror author Richard Laymon's daughter Kelly, contains some of the sickest tales of over the top mayhem yet captured on paper. Most horror authors tend to shy away from the nauseating content you find in these stories for the simple fact that mainstream readers won't buy them. But for a select minority of poor wretches who crave tales that push the bounds of bad taste, myself included among them, books like this one are a godsend. I usually need to turn to Ed Lee's latest stomach churner (an author who contributed the best story here, by the way) to satiate my cravings. Occasionally, you'll stumble over another author offering up a gory surprise, like Poppy Z. Brite's "Exquisite Corpse," Bret Easton Ellis's "American Psycho," or practically anything published by Charlee Jacob just to cite a few examples, but these experiences are few and far between. I had high hopes for "Excitable Boys," a book that unfortunately turned out to be a mixed bag on several points.

The best parts of the book, aside from Lee's entry, were the introduction and conclusion. Kelly Laymon explains in "Take a Tour Through the Sewer" how the book came about. The answer lies in a little extracurricular activity that takes place every year at the World Horror Convention. Many authors congregate at this event to sign books, talk up potential customers and publishers, party, and generally lord it over the rest of us who have to hold regular jobs for a living. They also gather together for something called the Gross Out Contest, where anyone, presumably, can stand up and read a disgusting composition specifically created for this contest. After witnessing the shenanigans at the 2000 WHC, Laymon decided to put together a collection of these gut busters under one cover. According to the conclusion, written by contributor Geoff Cooper, the antics of some of the authors at the Gross Out Contest often eclipse the horrific tales. Cooper relates a story about one of the authors eating live worms whilst reading his tale of terror. Yummy! Well, we always hear how nutty authors can be, but it's difficult in the extreme to imagine Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Edith Wharton, or any other well known literary figure scarfing down annelids. Those crazy horror authors!

A quick run down of the stories is in order, I guess, even though others have done an exemplary job of explaining the grue filled nightmares contained within these pages. My favorite story, as I mentioned, was Ed Lee's "The McGrath Model SS40-C, Series S." Lee is an interesting author, capable of writing mainstream horror novels ("City Infernal," "Infernal Angel," "Messenger") while saving the hard stuff for small press companies. I prefer the latter; stories and novels set in nightmarish worlds that resemble our everyday existence yet overflow with shocking depravity. Ed seems to think we're headed toward a New Dark Age, a time when the thin veneer of civilization and morality will break down into barbarism and degeneracy. Whether you agree with his ideas or not, the story here definitely falls into this category. Readers familiar with his work will recognize Paul Vinchetti, the ruthless mafia don involved in a host of unsavory rackets best left omitted in a public review. The tale focuses on a plastic surgeon held prisoner by Vinchetti until he pays off a gambling debt. Unfortunately, how the good doctor must pay off the debt involves one grotesque scene after another as Vinchetti's enemies undergo dreadful surgeries. Read it to believe it.

The rest of the entries aren't as good, with the possible exception of Rain Graves's disturbing tale about a child seeking solace from an abusive father and Ryan Harding's yarn about a couple of warped individuals making a snuff film. Once you get through these three stories, the collection levels off significantly. Michael McCarty's contribution, "The Constipated Cannibal," needs no further explication from me; the title speaks for itself. "Full of It," from "The Rising" author Brian Keene, deals with the disgusting horrors unleashed on a militia compound after far right wing extremists dispose of a federal agent. There are a few other stories, the titles of which I'm not even going to mention and which sadly fall prey to the law of diminishing returns. All of the stories are chock full of unsettling situations and descriptive gore, however, although some do a better job than others. Believe me when I tell you "Excitable Boys" is one disturbing book.

It is, regrettably, an uneven one. Most of the stories eschew such fundamentals as plot and character development in favor of shock and awe visuals. A couple are nothing more than adolescent paeans to grossness similar to the stuff you and your friends used to come up with during a sleep over when you were thirteen. To be fair, I think many of these yarns don't translate well to the written page. They are, after all, very short stories created for the sole purpose of shocking an audience of jaded horror authors and fans in a spoken forum. Too, I wasn't impressed with the presentation. The edit job is bare bones at best, and it looks like someone justified (justified!) the text, meaning you've got huge spaces between words and sentences toward the bottom of the page. Nonetheless, aficionados will want to pick this one up if for no other reason than to own the Ed Lee story. All others should stay far away.

This is an anthology of gross out stories so what you get are gross out stories if anything they are fun if lacking in any literary merit don't read if looking for the short story collection of the year read if you want something gross and fun i would recommend

What can I say, a McCrath Model SS40-c?, Good Care, Genital Grinder! These short stories come from the sickest minds in the business and they were written specifically to try and gross-out the audiences the authors read them to. Absolutely over the top, original and a jaw-dropping little gem! The works presented in this book strike like a shotgun blast to the gut, fast-paced and no nonsense. A line has been crossed here my friends and I'm ecstatic to have experienced it word for sickening word. A warning for future readers: Prepare to test your gag reflex!

The three good stories come from Edward Lee, Mark McLaughlin and Ryan Harding. Lee's tale features a fallen-on-hard-times doctor who has to rig intricate torture devices for a deranged mobster. McLaughlin's story comes off like a ribald "SNL" spoof -- as a Rockwellian community full of perverts is laid waste by a radioactively-enhanced prisoner who rains fire from his buttocks. These two stories have the exact right tone for this type of one-upmanship gross-out style. Lee's prose is especially loose and you can feel him having a great time writing it. Harding's story uses that same tone, but the violence isn't played for laughs, which makes his story the only truly disturbing one.

The rest of the stories are fairly boring. "Full of It" is too predictable. "Good Care" is simply awful. "The Constipated Cannibal" and "A Heartful of Love, A Bowelful of Hate" were short and rather pointless. You get the feeling that these two worked much better told to a live audience.

Richard Laymon's daughter Kelly edited this collection, and she and whoever line-edited it did a horrendous job. There's a misspelling on the first page of the first author's story and at least one typo/misspelling in each of the remaining stories. At 135 pages, how is this even possible?

Since the three successful stories take up the bulk of this book, it's worth picking up if you're a fan of depraved fiction.

After about reading half the book, you grow bored with the over the top Gross out stuff.

It's true that you can find some of the most interesting and unusual fiction in the small presses. Unfortunately, freedom from the mass-market also means that anything can get published, regardless of quality. Maybe it's about connections; editor Kelly Laymon is the daughter of late horror novelist Richard Laymon. It is clear his case of arrested development has been passed on. The inspiration for this collection was the Gross-Out Contest at the annual World Horror Convention, where authors gather to read their most repulsive work, with activities to match. Indeed, this is the most disgusting set of tales I've ever passed my eyes over. It is filled with graphic violence, bodily fluids, and deviant behavior of all kinds.

This would be fine if the stories themselves were any good.

'Excitable Boys' contains the most amateurish writing I've ever read in a so-called professional publication. It sounds like a bunch of little boys (and one girl) sitting around a campfire trying to outdo one another. The writing is consistently stiled - here's an example: "Jack gasped and took the glass desperately, pouring the entire amount of pure, crystal-clear water into himself." The stories are more or less extended jokes, and predictable ones at that; some even come complete with a punch line. The content is revolting, but it fails to be disturbing because it's so utterly cartoonish.

Even the illustrations look like something a kid in junior high school would have come up with. They're not too bad -- assuming the artist is under the age of twelve.

In case you're curious, here's what you'll find within: a ridiculously extreme case of child abuse, a discredited doctor forced to act as a tool of revenge for the mob, a monster made of excrement, a radioactive escaped convict, zombie sex, two guys making a snuff film, and a mercifully brief piece about a cannibal trying to go to the bathroom (Yes, this apparently qualifies as a story.) The best I can say about this juvenile garbage is that it is a quick read. Nothing in here should have ever seen the light of day, or been put on paper to begin with.