Customer Reviews

Exit Interviews: Revealing Stories of Why People are Leaving the Church

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Since I have been an active member of a local congregation for years, I have been aware of the fact that over the years, some people just seem to "drift away". I must acknowledge that I have not followed up on those individuals thinking that they have their reasons and probably don't want to be "badgered" with questions as to why they left.

After reading this book, I realize that there are many complex reasons why people leave the church and that this "Exodus" must be part of the ministry of the local congregation. Mr. Hendircks points out that the local church needs to develop a "system for listening" to our people. Not just those that are happy with the program, but those on the fringe.

I also appreciated the authors provocative ideas on "What Churches Can Do". He not only dealt with the problem but also offered some solutions.

I highly recommend that the leaders in all congregations read and discuss this book as a means to facing this critical issue.

His final chapter speaks to those who might be considering leaving, or have already left a congregation. He reminds them and us, that "You'll Never Find the Perfect Church".

This book should be on the bookshelf of every minister and church leader. One word of warning, the stories within will break your heart. Most books on church growth have people standing at the front door, asking why they joined. In this book, Hendricks stands at the back door, asking "Why are you leaving?"
The answers will surprise you. These are not malcontents, disgruntled people who didn't get there way and so migrate from church to church. These are all people who sincerely want to serve Christ, and find that the Church is unresponsive.
It really moves one to start listening to what people are saying within the church.
One major factor, is that many churches have left grace behind. As Hendricks points out:
"the greatest tragedy was that a system promising forgiveness to people and freedom from guilt ended up making so many of them feel guilty. That, in turn led to chronic legalism. At every turn, they staggered under massive expectations that they could never quite fulfill....
Thus grace became a theological fiction. Yet rumors of a gracious God persisted. And once people discovered what for so long they had been denied, they felt cheated and outraged and made a beeline for the exit."

Hendricks ends that section by saying "As I say, it appears the church has a lot of theological ground to reclaim."

No book other than the Bible itself has served to upend my own theology and open my eyes to something that all Christians need to remember, myself included. It is that five letter word, which many are so afraid of...GRACE.

This is the second time I am reading this book. It should be read by every pastor and every parish council member or every outreach ministry.

We are so eager to get people in the door of the church - but we need to listen to those who slip out the back. They ussally leave, without saying a word, with so much to teach us. They may be perceived as malcontents, or "uncommitted," but this book reminds us that they are almost always in search of truth and reality, and somehow, the rest of us have failed them. We need to listen - and take heed. It also gives profound understanding to those who are thinking about heading out the back door themselves. Perhaps all of us are one of "them" at times too.

The author takes us through a series of interviews with people who have left the local church. Their reasons for leaving are diverse, but usually stem from a series of perceived hurts or rejections. Most dropouts occur as a result of:
(1) A Relationship that suddenly ends
(2) A conflict goes unresolved
(3) A conflict is perceived to have been resolved unfairly

The larger bulk of the book is made up of the various interviews. In each case we are taken on a step by step tour of the experiences and feelings of those who are interviewed. The author himself has only limited theological training and so gives little attention to the theological contexts of these various interviews beyond a very basic impressionistic picture. His message is that people are leaving the church and that the church needs to know why so that it can better consider how it might meet the needs of its "customer."

The strengths of this book are seen in its lay approach to people. It speaks with an easygoing openness to problems without any attempt to whitewash them. Its primary weakness is in the fact that only one side of each case history is given and there has been little or no effort to determine the veracity of the various accounts.

"First Christ saves us out of the world. But eventually He saves us back into it" (Page 33). This means that the church must be ready to rub elbows with sinners, not lowering its standard of holiness, but making certain that such standards are biblical rather than the cultural icons of a previous century.

As one wounded by the Church, I highly recommend this book.
Hendricks has honestly told the brutal truth by those wounded by the Church. Fellowship in the Church should be all about grace. It is not. It is based on tithing, conformity, and keeping your mouth shut. Only those with some kind of power- financial, political, and community -lead the church, not those with a deep commitment to Jesus Christ. The leaders should be visionaries to adventure out in the freedom of the Gospel. They are not. Hendricks clearly shows that many people leaving the church are genuine believers who want to let God do great things in their life. The Church is the great Preventer of this happening.

Grace happens, and the Church shuold get out of the way and let it happen.

What I find fascinating and useful about this work is the collection of interviews of people who have actually left the church. The author also feels strongly there are equally large numbers still in the church who feel the same way, and given the right opportunity (usually crisis he thinks) they leave.

The reasons are numerous, and make this reviewer think that many join a church for the wrong reasons and leave for the wrong reasons. What he documents primarily are those who leave to not find and join another believing community. That is the most troubling thing about this topic. How can those who truly believe not find a worthy assembly of believers to be nourished by and in turn nourish others with their presence and gifts? What is not covered at all is that the Bible doesn't condone not being in an ecclessia of believers, at least this reviewer cannot find any. Hebrews 10:23-25 speaks of the habit of worshipping together and gives at least three reasons for doing so which I don't believe these apostate find elsewhere.

I reread this one every few years. I deeply value it's acceptance that some of us are hurt more than helped by the formal church in our spiritual journey.

This book is a useful tool, when loaned to the right people at the right time, for softening the instinct some have to write off or condemn those Christians who give up on church.

Also, give this book to a Christian friend who has left church because they love God. Your friend will finally feel like at last somebody understands.

When I first read this book, I was deeply moved. As a church planter I tend to pick up people that have become disillusioned with church but still believe in God. I took the words in this book to heart and carefully followed up on absentees. Some returned, most did not.

Applying my own experiences to this book I now realize that there are two parts to every story. There are people who leave the church and are not followed up on because the pastor has breathed a sigh of relief. I have never had anyone come to my church after leaving theirs tell me that they had been a burden on their former church. When I contact their former pastor I hear the other side.

Clearly the church needs to be compassionate and loving but people who leave a particular church may not be the most objective source of information. Upon further review I would prefer a book that follows up on the sad stories allows the accused churches to tell their side.