Customer Reviews

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

5 star:		(183)
4 star:		(32)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

After years of reading books on "strong-willed" or "difficult" children... and years of psychotherapy, Dr. Greene's fresh approach to what seemed an unsolvable problem has brought peace to our household for the first time in 8 years. I have bought a copy of this book for everyone that deals with my 10-year-old son: my parents, his teacher, his previous teacher, and the County Mental Health worker who is working with us on in-home behavior modification. I was very sceptical when I first learned of Dr. Greene's approach-- it sounded too easy ! But it truly, truly works.

Dr. Greene put into words what I had always known about my child, but couldn't express cohesively. My son used to have several "melt-downs" each week, and I always wondered how much control he had over his own behavior and emotions. Now I know the answer, and also can recognize the various stages of escalation leading up to a rage episode.

Applying Dr. Greene's "basket" principles, we haven't had a melt-down in 3 weeks, and my son's cooperation with our "basket A" and "basket B" requests is fantastic. No more melt-downs, no more frustrated adults. We actually have hope for a brighter future. Even school is going really, really well.

Many thanks to Dr. Greene for giving us an alternative to manage our "inflexible, explosive" (but lovable) children !

As a teacher of children with behavioral and emotional disorders, I found Greene's book extremely useful. In the first part of the book, he explores inflexibility and explosiveness in children (and biological/chemical factors influencing such behavior.) This section alone is worth its weight in gold for helping parents and teachers take a closer look at what's going on with their kids.

The rest of the book is devoted to his "three basket" intervention method. I am beginning to use this technique in my classroom to help avoid "meltdowns" over issues that really aren't important and to help TEACH my students how to negotiate and cope in frustrating situations. I want my students to become more flexible not just because it makes it easier on me in the classroom; they'll be happier and less frustrated in school, at home, and out in the world.

I've recommended this book to many parents and colleagues.

The cover of this book caught my eye in the bookstore and I knew there must be something in there for me. I finally had some authoritative information on what my family has been through for the past 13 years. I've known our son was "different" since he was a toddler throwing his time-out chair at me and screaming, I just didn't understand why until now. The "pick your battles" basket approach Dr Greene uses puts daily frustrations and battles into perspective and gives the frustrated parent an extremely useful tool in learning to work with the time bomb in your house. Letting go of the notion that a child should behave a certain way and obey without question is very difficult for some parents to do but learning the art of negotiating with your explosive child and reducing the "meltdowns" in your life is well worth it.

The chapter on medications is very helpful for those not understanding what an important role they can play. Our son has been on Ritalin for ADHD since he was 3 1/2 and was finally diagnosed at age ten as also having bipolar disorder. After 2 hospitalizations in the past 2 1/2 years and 2 suicide attempts in the last year we are getting the correct mixture of 7 different medications that have finally helped stabilize his moods enough to actually begin to use the methods in the book. Dr. Greene has finally helped us find a major piece of the puzzle to being able to help our family regain some sanity in our lives.

Anyone who has ever looked down at another parent for not being able to control their child needs to read this book and walk a mile in their shoes. The parents of these children need a friend much more than they need another condescending comment on how to raise their children.

This book changed my life. My child does not respond to "traditional" disciplinary approaches. I'd tried everything short of spanking  time outs, consequences, loss of priveledges, positive reinforcement for good behavior  and NOTHING worked. After reading at least 20 parenting books and struggling to find a way to cope with my child, I discovered "The Explosive Child." What a godsend. This book provides a new way of looking at and helping "difficult" children who respond with anger and aggression when they are frustrated, and explains why traditional methods of discipline don't work with these kids. It then goes on to suggest a new method to teach kids (and their parents!) the skills they need to avoid meltdowns. While perhaps geared more toward the older child and adolescents, I think it would still be helpful to parents of preschoolers. Even if your child doesn't have major behavioral problems, it teaches great basic communication skills. I'd highly recommend it for people who work with kids, especially difficult ones.

This book really hit the nail on the head in describing what seems to be going on with these children - how they start to go into a "meltdown" and after this begins it is as if they no longer can comprehend what is going on. You cannot at that point reason with the child and nothing you say actually gets through. The child is always sorry or evens sometimes cannot recall the events that took place while going through this event.

The book is great at helping you set priorities as to what behaviors are worth going through a blow-out and what isn't with his basket approach. In other words, how to pick your battles.

The basket approach is easy to comprehend and usually easy to put to use. However - the things that must go into the "A" basket [which are things that are non-negotiable] are, for many parents, the very same things that are causing the most disturbance in their households. This includes such things are getting up in the morning and getting dressed and going to school. He does not tell you how to best ride-out or attempt to diffuse these situations. It's great to say that parents should limit basket A to these types of items, but we still need help in getting these things accomplished!

I, myself, am the parent of an explosive/inflexible child and I'll tell you - this book was recommended by my son's school and his therapist because none of the traditional behavior management methods, medications and/or counseling has done any good in helping him and ourselves deal with this. We have been doing counseling for 4 1/2 yrs and using meds for 3 yrs. I bought the book with high hopes because he is once again in crisis at school and things are terrible at home.

In summation, this book is great for determining if your child is explosive/inflexible and will help you with guidelines in dealing with the school, but it really doesn't answer the question any parent of a child like this has - "What can I do to enforce the MUST DO regimens of everyday life?

Reading Dr. Greene's book is the first exciting development in the treatment for our child in 6 long, tough years. It is the first time that I have encountered a M.H. professional that understands what has been in my heart all along: that he has explosive episodes rooted in frustration that paralyze his thinking ability, and under those circumstances, controls and punishment do more harm than good to a child who "knows" his behavior is unacceptable but does not have the skills to change. He is already in a great deal of pain, and consequences only exacerbate his frustration. Beyond this understanding, the author takes theory into a revolutionary "user friendly" methodology for re-teaching the parents first, the child, school and anyone else in the loop. He does not insult parents by telling them that their inept parenting skills are causal, instead he poses the question: Have your previous methods (usually those encouraged by conventional theories) yielded desirable results; Is your child any better able to avoid explosive behavior?

A previous reviewer commented that this book may be too arduous for an exhausted parent to get through. On the contrary, it is was energizing! It was written with extreme patience. This book is a tool for anyone involved with explosive children, especially for professionals who are open to changing their approach to one with promise to be far more effective. Though it is critical of behavioral modification it does not discount the benefits to some children. Permissiveness is not encouraged, if that is the fear of skeptics of this method. The key point is that punishment and rewards have failed over and over again to have any positive impact on inflexible-explosive children.

His major premise is that children do not "choose" these behaviors and consequently they cannot choose to change any more than a child with diabetes can choose to change his body chemistry. Instead, by concentrating all effort on the most destructive behavior, a child may be taught the skills he is lacking to deal with frustration. Coherance and logic need to restored first. In time, the other behaviors can be dealt with once his environment is friendlier and not perceived as antagonistic. This method has promise to reunite families, torn apart by rage.

Dr. Greene encourages parents and others involved to change their vision of the child as the first step to employing his techniques. This is the point that had the greatest impact on my thinking. My hope is that he is able to change the vision of the mental health system with his approach, enabling more parents the opportunity to access this method.

"1-2-3 Magic" and other behavioral plans are great when they work. Behavioral Management plans are very logical and very effective in children with the capacity to internalize them (and parents with the unity, self-awareness, and discipline to enforce them). But not all kids are the same, and therefore not every behavioral plan is best for every fit.

Greene's "The Explosive Child" starts off with some very helpful attitude reframing for parents who deal with the more extreme end of behavioral problems. The key, per Greene, is for parents to remember that their children want to be good. The issue rarely is teaching your child "who's the boss." Even with kids with most mellow temperaments, being a parent is a very demanding job. When kids are having meltdowns, it is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking "he knows how to push my buttons." Or "she's so manipulative," or "coercive," or "oppositional." But these labels (which, sadly, clinicians use all to frequently as well) only shame children, demoralize parents, and intensify the battle. A much more helpful way to approach the situation is to realize that flexibility and frustration tolerance are skills. They are skills like any other, like language skills or math skills. Different kids have different relative strengths and deficits. The important task for parents is to recognize your child's strengths and weaknesses, then teaching skills where possible and accommodating the deficits where necessary.

There is a nice section with instructions on prioritizing the demands placed on a child. In other words, pick your battles. Not everything is worth the stress of offspring meltdowns and the concomitant exhaustion of parental ammunition.

Another strength of the book is the focus away from reacting to meltdowns and instead focusing on preventing them in the first place. The basic idea is that, once in tantrum mode, with everyone's adrenalin pumping full blast, it's hard for anyone in the room to even be coherent let alone have the state of mind to absorb the logic of behavior plans. It's no different than that point that arguing couples get into when they are just trying to say anything they can think of to hurt each other. That's not the time to expect couples to reconcile and gain new insights into their dynamics. You have to talk about it later and try to avoid the heated argument next time.

Greene's book is written in a way that I think most parents will find pretty accessible. There are plenty of vignettes to illustrate the points. While the book is geared to the most extreme behavioral problems, there is plenty here that translates into universal parenting wisdom as well. And check out some of the other reviews. Testimonials of parents who have found this book helpful say more than my words can. Thumbs up. Buy this book. Thank you for listening, nighty-night.

For a parent trying to cope with a high-energy, difficult child, Dr. Greene's book reads like a first-aid manual. This is a life-saver. Patiently but not the least bit condescending or patronizing, he provides an intuitive and realistic methodology and framework to try "when everything else seems to have failed." He addresses a wide range of concerns (for ages toddler thru teen, for both the home and school environment), outlines the pitfalls, and compares his ideas with other parenting strategies "on the market." In doing so, he gives a frustrated parent the inspiration for a fresh start on life with a challenging child, thus rekindling and re-emphasizing the importance of the love we tend to forget in the heat of our frustrated struggle to deal with our chaotic family lives.

Dr. Greene's fundamental premise is that "explosive kids" are not deliberately being "difficult" or "attention-seeking" but, rather, are looking for and in need of our parental guidance, often desperately so. An inflexible-explosive child (his preferred term for the unofficial "syndrome" that lies behind the title of the book) may simply not have the ability (for any number for reasons, which Dr. Greene discusses in the first chapters of "Explosive Child") to deal with a given situtation, or express his or her frustration, and instead express frustration in ways that we as parents invariably find exacerbating. The scary process where our negative reaction to their behavior feeds more anxiety and frustration, leading to a meltdown, is analyzed in all its gory detail, with an emphasis on the choices we as parents can and must make to avoid the "descent into hell". Anyone who has been there will cringe with the pain of recognition of the examples he gives. While building his case for a step-by-step process intended to prevent rather than react to meltdowns he shows a tremendous degree of compassion both for our children and for us parents, as well as a clear understanding of the challenges we face on a daily basis. In straightforward language with some compelling case studies, but without ever claiming that his solutions will necessarily be easy to implement or fool-proof, he provides an invaluable contribution to our understanding of our children, our roles as parents, and the dynamics (controlled or otherwise) that exist between us.

His apparent and heartfelt belief that "difficult" children more than anything need and deserve unconditional love, and his compelling conviction that there is a way for us as parents to give them what they need in a way that gradually strenghtens the child and the family as a whole, makes this book an incredibly rewarding read. His coverage of the concept of the explosive child is comprehensive, even if his chapters on options for medication (and the worst-case scenario of institutionalization) make for scary reading for those of us who still fervently believe that we can in fact make headway without resorting to such harsh measures. We all have an ally and friend in Dr. Greene.

Even if you do not think of yours as a "problem" child, this book can help you steer around difficult moments and establish a more peaceful, less stressful home environment. Our 5-year-old is bright and social but has terrible tantrums around transitions like getting to school and going to lessons. Greene believes that all children want to behave properly but some children must be taught to be flexible. It really helped us to see our son's issues as being learning- related rather than due to laziness or bad attitude!

Greene's book gave us a simple, easy-to-follow set of ideas about how to teach him how to get past frustrating moments without meltdowns. Overnight, we have seen a significant improvement in behavior - because WE know how to help him better!

Addresses raising, guiding, and teaching children who are particularly easily frustrated.

Full of helpful examples for understanding the child's experience, strategies for both children and parents to use, and useful explanations of how the child's behaviors relate to the various diagnoses they may also be given, such as ADHD, oppositional-defiant disorder, and so on.

Greene's premise is that many of the most difficult parenting challenges involve the mutual attempts of parents and children to deal with a temperamental tendency of children to:

1. Be frustrated more easily by the same things as others (to shift between being ok and being overwhelmed very quickly)

2. To experience frustration more intensely and feel more overwhelmed by it than others

3. To become more cognitively debilitated than others during frustration

4. To rely more heavily on concrete, inflexible black and white thinking than others (not clear whether this is part of cause or effect - probably both) - and which is less responsive to presentation of consequences and either intrinsic or extrinsic motivation

5. To experience emotional overwhelmed and cognitive debilitation particularly often when exacerbated by other things that can serve as sources of persistent frustration such as moodiness, anxiety, hyperactivity, obsessiveness, or social impairment of some kind.

Greene's faith is that learning to routinely interpret behaviors of stubborn or difficult children in this light, rather than acts of willful defiance can help provide more resourceful and humane responses to the behavior. In particular, his strategies lean toward temporarily creating an environment where practical where the child's deficits in adaptiveness are less of a handicap, and toward focusing the most on the things parent and child have most control over, helping them to break the escalating cycles of inflexibility and blaming and instead move toward something constructive on both sides. Also, the strategy is to reduce the child's dependence on the tailored environment, but only after gaining some sense of control and receptivity to changes.

Discusses both the use and limits of rewards and punishments and how to make them more effective, the role of medication, thoughts on education (treating temperament effectively as a kind of learning challenge like dyslexia and adapting schoolwork to it), and the role of the increasing sense of alienation that appears common to these particularly easily frustrated children (as when alienation and deviation become part of developing adult identity).

This book is particularly well-written, with good summaries of each of the richest chapters, realistic examples, and a nice balance heavy on practical help and understanding, and light (but not non-existent) on theory and background. Even those who don't agree with the author's premise about the difficult frustrated temperament will still find many useful ideas here.