Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother [Hardcover]

Barbara Graham (Editor)

Book Description

Release date: April 7, 2009

In Eye of My Heart, twenty-seven smart, gutsy writers explode myths and stereotypes and tell the whole crazy, complicated truth about being a grandmother in today's world. Among the contributors:

Anne Roiphe learns—the hard way—to keep her mouth shut and her opinions to herself.

Elizabeth Berg marvels at witnessing her child give birth to her child.

Beverly Donofrio makes amends for her shortcomings as a teenage mother.

Judith Viorst exposes the high-stakes competition for Most Fabulous Grandchild.

Jill Nelson grapples with mother-daughter tensions triggered by the birth of her grandson.

Judith Guest confesses her failed attempt to emulate her own saintly grandmother.

Bharati Mukherjee transcends her strict Hindu upbringing to embrace her adopted Chinese grand-daughters.

Lynn Lauber finds joy in grandmotherhood that she missed out on as a mother.

Sallie Tisdale pays a high price—financially and emotionally—for her fast-growing brood of grandkids.

Ellen Gilchrist reveals how grandparenthood has eased her fear of death.

Molly Giles is spurned by her toddler granddaughter during a trip to Paris.

Susan Shreve finally accepts that she's the grandmother, not the mother.

Roxana Robinson realizes, with relief, that she doesn't have to worry so much anymore.

Abigail Thomas plots her escape when she can't bear to bake one more cake.

Letty Cottin Pogrebin longs to leave a lasting impression on her grandchildren.

Mary Pipher explores the primal role of grandmothers in a fast-changing world.

In this groundbreaking collection, you will encounter the real stories that usually go untold. Free of platitudes and clichés, the essays in Eye of My Heart are linked by a common thread: a love for grandchildren that knows no bounds, despite inescapable obstacles and limitations.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Women who have achieved grandmotherly status will appreciate this engaging, honest volume of essays by 26 writers who articulate shared emotions about their grandchildren. All describe a new form of love different from the love they felt for their own children. Editor Graham (Women Who Run with the Poodles) calls it a besotted state. For some contributors, grandmotherhood is a promise of genetic continuity, while others value the freedom to play and indulge. Many essays may be sentimental, but they're also insightful and candid, sometimes painfully so. Notably, one pseudonymous writer lashes out at her cruelly withholding daughter-in-law; another describes raising her mentally disturbed daughter's unstable son. Perhaps most disturbingly, Sallie Tisdale portrays a dire situation created by her financially irresponsible adopted son and his girlfriend, who keep producing more children. Yet humor abounds. In an irreverent piece, Abigail Thomas writes of fleeing a clan reunion by scheduling an appointment with her gynecologist. Judith Viorst confronts the taboo topic of jockeying for love with the other set of grandparents. All learn the lesson best expressed by Anne Roiphe: Seal your lips. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“Spry and unsentimental. . . . Truth telling with dollops of love.” (O magazine )

“So many different perspectives and vantage points are woven seamlessly that no matter what their personal relationship to the word ‘grandmother’ is, readers will find much to make them laugh out loud—and also to break their hearts.” (Christian Science Monitor )

“Insightful and candid, sometimes painfully so. . . . Women who have achieved grandmotherly status will appreciate this engaging, honest volume of essays by 26 writers who articulate shared emotions about their grandchildren.” (Publishers Weekly )

“In illuminating, unsentimental essays, 27 writers offer up insights on the tricky art of grandmothering.” (People )

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Harper; 1 edition (April 7, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061474150
• ISBN-13: 978-0061474156
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 6.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #699,385 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Barbara Graham is an essayist, playwright, and author who has written for Time; O, The Oprah Magazine; Glamour; More; National Geographic Traveler; and Vogue. She is a columnist for Grandparents.com and has two granddaughters.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Not sappy! April 7, 2009

By Pamela M. Barger

Format:Hardcover

As a grandmother who thought parenting was behind her, I find myself (and my husband) getting AARP mailings along with "Highlights" magazines and requests for parent-teacher conferences. Yes, by necessity, we've adopted our grandson. So the last thing I want to read about grandparenting is sentimental cliche. Of course being a grandma has its joys, and I certainly want that too. But this is the first time I've read anything close to The Real Experience. That's because the experiences documented in this book are as varied as the women who wrote them. Absolutely readable... Loved it!

33 of 35 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This book broke my heart, in a good way April 21, 2009

By Martha Dickinson

Format:Hardcover

This book pretty much totally broke my heart, in a good way.

EYE OF MY HEART is a book of essays written by grandmothers, about being a grandmother. All kinds of grandmothers are represented here, and so many of the essays touched me.

Though the stories are all different, there are a lot of common themes. One is how, as a grandparent, it is very difficult to love someone - your grandchild - so much, and yet have so little control over how much you see that person, or what their life is like. Barbara Graham, the editor of this collection, wrote about her son's family moving away to Paris, and the injustice of it all almost made me cry. Also, two of the essays were published anonymously, and these especially brought issue of lack of control home for me. One is written by a woman whose son's girlfriend refuses to practice birth control and so they have baby after baby while trying to live on welfare yet somehow buy brand new TVs. Another was written by a woman whose granddaughter - to whom her access is restricted by her daughter-in-law's wishes - attempts suicide.

Another repeated thought how much less perfection is expected of oneself as a grandparent as opposed to being a parent. This quote from Beverly Donofrio's essay (despite the God business) sort of rocked my world: "I lay down, too, listening to my grandson's breathing, thinking about God and humility. I was not perfect; it was arrogant and self-centered to think I should be. I thought about how God loves me just the way I am - so maybe I should, too? It's my own self-judgement that gets in the way." I have always been a perfectionist, and I suspect that would make any attempt I made at motherhood far more difficult than it needed to be.... I never thought of my perfectionism as arrogance - but it is, really, and how effing freeing it would be to be able to give that up.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that awesomeness that is La-Z-Nana, by Abigail Thomas. I laughed out loud at her response of "Land sakes, yes" when her gynecologist asked her if she'd had more than five sexual partners.

I surprised myself by choosing this book. For one thing, not only am I not a grandmother, but I'm not a mother. I've been trying to get pregnant for a year and recently had a miscarriage, and just simple announcements from acquaintances that THEY'RE PREGNANT make me want to vomit. So I found it strange that I was drawn to this book about babies, but I'm glad that I was. It made me far more aware about my mother's and my mother-in-law's feelings should I ever have a child, and I hope I'll be much more thoughtful than I would have been if I hadn't read this book.

I highly recommend EYE OF MY HEART. I think it would be a great gift for a new grandmother, especially from her son or daughter. Read more ›

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars It works for grandfathers too. April 12, 2009

By Carl Lehmann Haupt

Format:Hardcover

These lovely essays are not only great reads. They can serve as an operating manual, alerting you to the pitfalls, sand traps, minefields and other hazardous border crossings you'll have to make as you enter the most piercingly tender relationship we'll probably ever know. If you're not a grandparent yet (it works for grandfathers too) you can find out what your willy-nilly getting into; if you're already there you'll understand why you suffer or are superbly happy, sometimes in the same minute or two.

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Essays on grandparenting that tell all...beautifully. April 17, 2009

By Martha B. Horne

Format:Hardcover

I recommend this book which presents realistic essays on contemporary grandparenting by 27 well known, excellent writers. The book is also delightful reading. It is a very welcome addition to the sparse "literature" on grandparenting - not frilly suggestions about coloring doilies with the grandkids, nor bulleted, superficial "how to's." These are real stories about real people giving us insight into the "why am's & why are's" rather than the "how to" aspects of the role. For example, "Why am I confused about this role? I remember my grandmother knowing just how to play it so well."

[...]

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Eye of My Heart Sees All, Tells All April 28, 2009

By Donne Davis

Format:Hardcover

This book will get you thinking about your role as a grandmother. I've read more than two-dozen books on grandparenting and nothing compares to this collection. It's the most honest and deeply profound exploration of grandmotherhood I've ever read. I savored every story and often stopped to ponder thought-provoking lines that deeply resonated with me.

After finishing the book, I felt as if 27 new friends had just bared their souls to me, each giving deep thought to their role as a grandmother. I scrawled marks and notes on almost every page as I reacted to the familiar emotions that these articulate writers shared about becoming grandmothers: their role models, their relationships with the parents of their grandchildren, and what they hoped to pass on to their grandchildren. They explored and examined their deepest feelings about the bond they have with their grandchildren, and boldly wrote about aging.

Some were laugh-out-loud stories, like Judith Viorst's on competing with the other grandma and Judith Guest's hilarious road trip with her three granddaughters. Some were heartbreaking: Sallie Tisdale wrote a sad tale of too many grandchildren in a broken family and Marcie Fitzgerald (a pseudonym) is now her grandson's parent because her bipolar daughter is unable to care for him. Others were sweet and touching: At sixty Virginia Ironside finally gave up her search for Mr. Right and discovered what she truly wanted: to be a granny. Letty Cottin Pogrebin wrote of her obsession with creating lifelong memories for her six grandchildren because she has so few memories of her own.

These are fascinating, entertaining, revealing and boldly told tales from the 'hood - grandmotherhood.