Customer Reviews

Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother

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As a grandmother who thought parenting was behind her, I find myself (and my husband) getting AARP mailings along with "Highlights" magazines and requests for parent-teacher conferences. Yes, by necessity, we've adopted our grandson. So the last thing I want to read about grandparenting is sentimental cliche. Of course being a grandma has its joys, and I certainly want that too. But this is the first time I've read anything close to The Real Experience. That's because the experiences documented in this book are as varied as the women who wrote them. Absolutely readable... Loved it!

This book pretty much totally broke my heart, in a good way.

EYE OF MY HEART is a book of essays written by grandmothers, about being a grandmother. All kinds of grandmothers are represented here, and so many of the essays touched me.

Though the stories are all different, there are a lot of common themes. One is how, as a grandparent, it is very difficult to love someone - your grandchild - so much, and yet have so little control over how much you see that person, or what their life is like. Barbara Graham, the editor of this collection, wrote about her son's family moving away to Paris, and the injustice of it all almost made me cry. Also, two of the essays were published anonymously, and these especially brought issue of lack of control home for me. One is written by a woman whose son's girlfriend refuses to practice birth control and so they have baby after baby while trying to live on welfare yet somehow buy brand new TVs. Another was written by a woman whose granddaughter - to whom her access is restricted by her daughter-in-law's wishes - attempts suicide.

Another repeated thought how much less perfection is expected of oneself as a grandparent as opposed to being a parent. This quote from Beverly Donofrio's essay (despite the God business) sort of rocked my world: "I lay down, too, listening to my grandson's breathing, thinking about God and humility. I was not perfect; it was arrogant and self-centered to think I should be. I thought about how God loves me just the way I am - so maybe I should, too? It's my own self-judgement that gets in the way." I have always been a perfectionist, and I suspect that would make any attempt I made at motherhood far more difficult than it needed to be. I never thought of my perfectionism as arrogance - but it is, really, and how effing freeing it would be to be able to give that up.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that awesomeness that is La-Z-Nana, by Abigail Thomas. I laughed out loud at her response of "Land sakes, yes" when her gynecologist asked her if she'd had more than five sexual partners.

I surprised myself by choosing this book. For one thing, not only am I not a grandmother, but I'm not a mother. I've been trying to get pregnant for a year and recently had a miscarriage, and just simple announcements from acquaintances that THEY'RE PREGNANT make me want to vomit. So I found it strange that I was drawn to this book about babies, but I'm glad that I was. It made me far more aware about my mother's and my mother-in-law's feelings should I ever have a child, and I hope I'll be much more thoughtful than I would have been if I hadn't read this book.

I highly recommend EYE OF MY HEART. I think it would be a great gift for a new grandmother, especially from her son or daughter.

I recommend this book which presents realistic essays on contemporary grandparenting by 27 well known, excellent writers. The book is also delightful reading. It is a very welcome addition to the sparse "literature" on grandparenting - not frilly suggestions about coloring doilies with the grandkids, nor bulleted, superficial "how to's." These are real stories about real people giving us insight into the "why am's & why are's" rather than the "how to" aspects of the role. For example, "Why am I confused about this role? I remember my grandmother knowing just how to play it so well."


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These lovely essays are not only great reads. They can serve as an operating manual, alerting you to the pitfalls, sand traps, minefields and other hazardous border crossings you'll have to make as you enter the most piercingly tender relationship we'll probably ever know. If you're not a grandparent yet (it works for grandfathers too) you can find out what your willy-nilly getting into; if you're already there you'll understand why you suffer or are superbly happy, sometimes in the same minute or two.

This book will get you thinking about your role as a grandmother. I've read more than two-dozen books on grandparenting and nothing compares to this collection. It's the most honest and deeply profound exploration of grandmotherhood I've ever read. I savored every story and often stopped to ponder thought-provoking lines that deeply resonated with me.

After finishing the book, I felt as if 27 new friends had just bared their souls to me, each giving deep thought to their role as a grandmother. I scrawled marks and notes on almost every page as I reacted to the familiar emotions that these articulate writers shared about becoming grandmothers: their role models, their relationships with the parents of their grandchildren, and what they hoped to pass on to their grandchildren. They explored and examined their deepest feelings about the bond they have with their grandchildren, and boldly wrote about aging.

Some were laugh-out-loud stories, like Judith Viorst's on competing with the other grandma and Judith Guest's hilarious road trip with her three granddaughters. Some were heartbreaking: Sallie Tisdale wrote a sad tale of too many grandchildren in a broken family and Marcie Fitzgerald (a pseudonym) is now her grandson's parent because her bipolar daughter is unable to care for him. Others were sweet and touching: At sixty Virginia Ironside finally gave up her search for Mr. Right and discovered what she truly wanted: to be a granny. Letty Cottin Pogrebin wrote of her obsession with creating lifelong memories for her six grandchildren because she has so few memories of her own.

These are fascinating, entertaining, revealing and boldly told tales from the 'hood - grandmotherhood.

As a mom of four boys under age 5, I have REALLY come to appreciate the boys' grandmothers and the help and wisdom they offer. This is such a great book - not only for helping me to understand them - but for me to better understand myself. Makes for a great Mother's Day gift! Thank you!

The essays in this book are both touching and enlightening. They illuminate the joys and pitfalls of the parent/adult child relationship as artfully as they describe the interaction of grandmothers and grandchildren. A lovely read.

What a wonderful book! It is a great read for mothers and grandmothers! The perfect Mother's Day gift that your mother will appreciate and enjoy. A book that can open so many conversations with your mother, mother-in-law, or girlfriend. I haven't read a book that I have enjoyed so much in years.

A very thoughtful friend, soon to be a grandmother, gave me this recently released book. Could there be anything more perfect for my first Mother's Day as a grandmother? This book is absolutely wonderful. I love so many of the things these women writers have said. Roxana Robinson describes her just-born grandchild's eyes as "the color of new". Another says that the passion when one becomes a grandmother is just "too much to be contained." They talk of the joys of grandparenting, the freedom compared to being a parent, and the awe of having your daughter give birth to a baby. And apparently "all learn the lesson best expressed by Anne Roiphe: Seal your lips".

My first grandchild is only 11 days old so this book is sort of a road map for me, and made me realize that all of these wonderful emotions I am feeling are valid and shared with grandmothers everywhere.

I am slowly savoring each and every one of these essays and would recommend this book as a gift for anyone who is about to enter the magical realm of grandmotherhood.

I recommend this book of essays which present realistic views of contemporary grandparenting by 27 well known, excellent writers.

Delightful reading. It is a very welcome addition to the "literature" on grandparenting - not frilly suggestions about coloring doilies with the grandkids, nor bulleted, superficial "how to's." It is one of the very few "tell it like it really is" books on the subject. These are real stories about real people giving us insight into the "why ams & why ares" rather than the "how to" aspects of the role. For example, "Why am I not as clear as my own grandmother was about this role?"

Martha Horne, MEd, LCSW-C
Contemporary Grandparenting Study Group Leader
mhorne9008@verizon.net