16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Headache Inducing Piece Of ..., February 27, 2008
I think Ed Wood spent more money on Plan 9 From Outer Space. Probably the most expensive part of this movie was the flight to Tokyo.
I absolutely hate the herky-jerky camera and I wasn't kidding about the title of this review as it really did give me a headache. After the first few minutes, I kept wondering when they'd go to a regular steady camera, but it never happened. The next thing I know, a half hour went by and by then I just didn't have the energy to get up and hit the eject button. It was like driving by a car wreck where you just can't stop looking. As I sat there, I kept hoping something would happen to redeem the awful acting and story movement, but it stayed consistently annoying to the end.
The icky bug is almost non-existent. You hear a little roar once in a while, and see the odd octopus arm flash in the background. The art on the DVD box is highly misleading as you NEVER see the monster in as much detail as in that painting.
I can't give it no stars because the rating system would not allow it. I would have given it one star for originality, but wait... Blair Witch???
Save your money and your time. Oh, and one other thing... if you liked this type of hand-held filming, you'll love Cloverfield. I'll pass.
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Too much talking, not enough monster..., January 9, 2008
Do yourself a favor and save a few bucks by doing this: Downloading the Cloverfield trailer, watching it once and then waiting for its release. Not only will those two minutes be better than this entire movie, but you'd be excited for Cloverfield's release.
Monster comes from the same studio that brought us Transmorphers and Snakes on a Train, thus you can conclude that it's utter trash completely ripping off its bigger brother, in this case Cloverfield, J.J. Abrams, at the time of this review, yet-to-be-released monster movie.
Like that movie, this movie is about a monster that (instead of New York) attacks Tokyo for reasons unknown. Apparently a cover-up, the monster reigns terror on the denizens of Tokyo and two American filmmakers. These American filmmakers run around the city avoiding the monster while filming whatever they can with their American camera. The two Americans in distress run around, scream, flail and tell everyone with a pulse they're American in the hope of getting out of Tokyo. All of this running around like a chicken with its head cut off action is filmed through a handheld camera and really annoys rather intrigue because the monster is hardly shown. At all.
In fact all you really see is a few tentacles every now and then, legs, some buildings and smoke, not to mention audiovisual distortions that make the Cloverfield trailer look like a Steven Spielberg film. The acting is horrible, with ignorant line after ignorant line spewed out and the action is, well, something a notch below action. Actually, the only action in this movie is the occasional rough camera shake, fall and rumble. Not to mention the monsters roar which is heard around five-hundred million times. With all that noise everywhere, it's hard to find out what the hell the plot is, what everyone is saying and how everything ends. But really, what makes this movie such a big rip is the fact you don't see the monster in its entirety.
It's like having sex with someone you love and then finding out it was really just you the whole time. You feel dirty, you feel ashamed and you wonder why the hell you didn't realize beforehand and in return become slightly more retarded than when you started. All in all, I gave this movie too much time (and hour and a half) and too much credit. This review is way more detailed than the actual movie. Bleh.
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
stop making these movies, March 5, 2008
Why does this company still exist??? Who rents this stuff and how do they get into the big chain stores??? As usual, utter garbage from Asylum. You've been warned.
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