136 of 148 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The power of an informed decision, April 10, 2007
When I read through the reviews of this book before reading the actual book, it became clear to me that those women who worked or were inclined to work rated it highly while those who stayed at home or were inclined to stay at home rated it poorly. Why are we on two sides of the fence?
I speak from personal experiences when I say that it is of crucial importance for a woman to ensure her own economic independence. It's imperative to her own well-being and also that of her child. I would never suggest that money is more important than family because for me it isn't. I have no desire to hold a high-powered job making six or seven figures. I want only to make a decent living for myself and for my family.
Three years ago, I came to the harsh realization that for my own sake and that of my daughter, I had to leave my marriage. It was an agonizing decision made all the more so by the fact that I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. With no way of providing for myself or my child, I was terrified at the idea of leaving and yet I knew I had to for the good of everyone involved. The end result is that I have struggled for the past three years to provide for myself and my child. I could not possibly love my daughter more and had I been given the choice, I would have continued working so as not to have had to put her through this period of economic instability. Fortunately, she is very young and will likely not remember the vast majority of it but I will never forget the pain of knowing that I couldn't provide for my child the things I so desperately wanted to provide for her. I certainly gave her all the love and attention possible but neither of those things will put food in a child's belly or clothes on that child's back. There were days when I cried over being unable to spend a few dollars on an ice cream or a ride on the merry go round. I would never wish that experience on anyone, male or female.
Having been a stay-at-home mom, I know how difficult the job is and how little recognition women in that position often receive. In no way am I looking down on women who choose to stay home with their children. I'm simply cautioning them to think carefully about their choices as the unforeseen can strike any of us at any time and with no warning. I certainly never expected to get a divorce from a man to whom I'd been married for five years before getting pregnant and to whom I was utterly devoted, a man I had loved so passionately for the nearly seven years of our marriage. I certainly never imagined I'd feel the powerlessness that my economic dependency brought about, nor did I imagine I'd submit to the misery I did because of this dependency. Even at this considerably more stable point in my life, I shudder to think of those dark days and of the physical and psychological toll they took on me. This book is absolutely correct in stating that a man is not a financial plan and I am living proof of this.
I have never before written a review on Amazon, despite being a very avid reader. But, then, I have never before felt as strongly about a book as I do this one.
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47 of 53 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Tired subject; Refreshing View, April 10, 2007
Why is "opting out" solely a woman's prerogative? Is this stay-at-home situation solely about personal choice? Are we giving up too much? Leslie Bennetts answers these questions and presents straighforward opinions on why so many women are reverting back to the days of Father Knows Best. I found this polemic to be engaging, enraging, and illuminating. While Bennetts forcefully defends her position (the title is The Feminine Mistake--guess which side of the Mommy Wars she is on), she does allow breathing room for those who do disagree with the notion that staying at home is not always the best option for women. Jam-packed with first-hand accounts of women's lives in various socio-economic conditions, Leslie Bennetts illustrates how women must take control of ther financial lives and not to simply rely on their man. I think this book is a must read for women AND men who are just starting out on the road of life. You can work AND rear strong, well-adjusted children; you just have to realize that every aspect of your life will not be perfect. Some of the comments from other readers (stay-at-home moms, mostly) who condemn this book are quite scary---they assume, quite smugly, that if only women choose DECENT men, then they do not have to worry about losing their husbands (to adultery, death, or illness). Sigh. It is this blase attitude that Bennetts addresses so well. I just hope the women who assume that their married life is peachy-keen are prepared--financially and emotionally--for life's realities.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Please read this book, October 3, 2007
I am a female attorney who has been practising family law for 26 years.
When I first started out, I represented many women who were married in the 1940's, 50's and 60's, when society felt that every woman's place was in the home. As a result, many "displaced homemakers" suddenly found themselves facing poverty in their old age. My own generation (the baby-boomers) all seemed to gravitate towards careers, so the displaced, poverty-stricken homemakers would be a thing of the past, right?
Wrong.
I am stunned to discover how many women in their 20's and 30's (the so-called post-feminist generation) are opting to become stay-at-home moms.
What is the problem, you ask?
In one word - DIVORCE.
And don't say it'll never happen to you. After all, I'm sure you buy smoke detectors, don't leave matches within your children's reach, don't leave candles or a stovetop unattended - but I'll also bet you also have homeowner's insurance, in case the unthinkable happened and your house caught on fire.
I've known so many women who tried so hard to be terrific wives, great mothers - and still found themselves divorced. Making sure you always have marketable skills so that you are able to support yourself and your children is like buying homeowner's insurance.
Of all the divorced SAHM's I've known, very very few are able to return to the workforce and earn enough money to support their families in the same lifestyle they enjoyed during the marriage. Sure, you can always get a minimum-wage job as a sales clerk or a waitress, but it will not buy you a middle-class lifestyle. Well-paying jobs will go to either a) recent college graduates, with newly-learned marketable skills or b) people who have spent the last 5, 10 or 15 years working their way up the ladder.
This book is a must-read, especially for young SAHM's who are confident that their marriage will last forever and that they will have no trouble re-entering the workforce any time they choose. I do have two criticisms, though: one, it is repetitive (one needn't repeat the same thing over and over to make a point) and it focuses almost exclusively on upper-middle class women, who are only a minority of the population.
Actually, upper-middle class SAHM's often suffer the worst, financially and emotionally, from a divorce, since they tend to have the most unrealistic expectations about the workplace (especially those who never worked outside the home at all) and they experience the biggest drop in lifestyle.
The men, on the other hand, tend to do very well after the divorce, simply because they have always had a well-paying career, without interruption, and after the initial financial hit (splitting the assets and paying child support) they keep on earning a high income, year after year.
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