Customer Reviews

FINE DINING MADNESS: The rules & realities of fine dining

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I was initially apprehensive about a 300+ page book with a cover subtitle that says it is about the "rules and realities of fine dining." My apprehension was completely unfounded; the subtitle is much broader than I suspected. If you like funny stories, especially funny true stories (though there are also pathetic and sad stories), and you can handle hearing about what happens in restaurants from the point of view of a person who has worked in those restaurants, then quit reading this review and go buy the book.

One proviso regarding this book; John manages to insult a goodly portion of the population, and perhaps much of the world, in his book. He appears to be an equal opportunity insulter, covering religions, races, sexes, lifestyle choices, alcoholics, rednecks, professional athletes, braggarts, politicians and just about any other segment of the population that you can think of. He does hold in high esteem people in the military, people in real public service, especially fire fighters, paramedics and policemen, anyone who does something for their fellow man, polite people, and good tippers, not necessarily on that order. If you are personally insulted by Galloway's comments, then go do something to deliberately prove him wrong, like speaking politely to the next waiter you meet, serving time in a soup kitchen, or tipping a hard 20 at the end of your next meal, including the cost of any drinks, in addition to any other tips you already provided.

Getting past the provisos, this book discusses aspects of eating at very upper class restaurants; aspects that I would never have considered. Many of the employees use drugs. Many are having liaisons with bar flies in the back room, or each other, or with just about anyone else who can handle doing it in the restaurant restroom or on a garbage can. Some of these liaisons may happen in the parking lot, behind the restaurant, in a motel, or at someone's home or apartment, but they start at the restaurant. If you insult your waiter, there may be some special preparation of the food before it ever reaches you. You may as well accept that angering a waiter could cause said waiter to spit on your food, or worse. Employees are guzzling company booze as though they were dying of thirst in the Sahara. Others are just stealing.

The book does cover the niceties of eating in a high quality restaurant. I am speaking of a restaurant with a cuisine better than Red Lobster, for those of you who think that Applebee's or Chili's constitutes fine dining. Sorry, but there is a grade of restaurant that is TWO levels above those restaurants. A fine restaurant may require you to wear a coat and tie. These restaurants have waiters wearing tuxedos rather than jeans or khakis. These restaurants do not have a clown, an over-sized animal, or plastic decorations adorning their exterior or interior. Admittedly, in the Midwest we have fine dining restaurants that permit you to be casual, but these restaurants still serve very expensive, very good food. The wine lists in a fine restaurant can contain wines that cost (do not choke) thousands of dollars.

John includes stories in this book of people of various amounts of fame. There are (I believe true) stories of famous movie stars, presidents, athletes, mobsters, and war heroes. I probably missed some category of famous people. The stories are interesting, sometimes touching, and always enlightening.

Other parts of the book discuss what it is like working for a restaurant. The book discusses dealing with bosses who are jerks, and with good bosses. John also talks about waiters, maitre D's, management, chefs and all the other people who make restaurants work. The hardships these people endure (often hardships caused by jerk customers), and what it does to their lives, are also in this book. You may find that you are more sympathetic to restaurant workers in general after reading this book.

Throughout all the various topics, John's stories are often funny. Some of his stories are sad, and have the regret in them that many of us have for not doing what we could or should have. Others are poignant reminders that we are fallible, mortal creatures.

I found myself pulled into John's tales, and soon I forgot I was reading a book that I thought was nominally about eating in a fine restaurant. I found the book to be a quick read, which is reviewer-speak for a book that uses big print, common words, and is organized well. Restaurant connoisseurs and those who think they know what fine dining means, or want to know what fine dining means, should buy this book. If you like funny-sad true stories you should buy this book. Those looking for an unusual reading experience should buy this book. When I finished this book, I thought to myself that this book deserves to be nominated for some kind of award. Yes, it is that good. Enjoy!

This review is based on a copy of the book provided to me by the author.

You can learn two things from reading this book:

*) Never make your waiter or waitress angry, they have many ways that they can get even.
*) The author is a very good writer, generating some of the best humor I have ever read.

The book recounts Galloway's days as a waiter in a posh Washington D. C. restaurant. His experiences with a clientele composed of mobsters, politicians, bumpkins from outside the district, lawyers, soused barflies and hookers are fun to read about. Not because the people he describes are necessarily all that interesting, but due to the fact that Galloway is a good writer. He writes with passion about everything, his descriptions of the war veterans that he served will bring a tear to your eye. Even when he is describing people with despicable habits, they come across as people that you want to hear about.
I loved the book, Galloway possesses a great deal of writing talent and it is demonstrated on nearly every page. Whether or not you care about the life of a waiter you will enjoy this story about people, written by a man who knows how to tell a good tale.

FINE DINING MADNESS is much more complex than one might think. Galloway's book is so much more than just a "wickedly funny restaurant book." But it is wickedly funny. Here are just some of the layers that are a wealth of information and outstanding nonfiction writing that is FINE DINING MADNESS:

1. The struggle of a person who is restless to achieve his dreams. Galloway feels trapped in the restaurant world, and indeed he is. He wants outs so badly, yet in an almost cruel twist of fate, Galloway is a master of the fine dining trade. We do what we do well.

2. Personal grief and survivor guilt. The author lost is mother when he was 12, and his sister died from cancer when she was 27. His take on death is fascinating, and truthful.

3. Stark observations of human behavior. Galloway is so on-the-nose, yet hilarious with his depictions. From gluttony and alcoholism to greed and sexual lust, he pulls no punches. His writing is gutsy.

4. Citing the rules, and pointing out the behaviors that make waiters want to go on a shooting spree. I think everyone is guilty of the various infractions he notes, and he lists the extremes too. many of which are down-right shockers.

5. Historical References: FINE DINING MADNESS is PACKED with wonderful pieces of historical information and references. I learned more about history and the military from FINE DINING MADNESS than all my history courses in college.

6. His commentaries/observations about waste. America throws out so, so much, and Galloway tells it like it is.

7. Celebrity encounters. I loved the celebrities chapter. I howled, and cringed. I also agree with Galloway that many people tend to value celebrities more than themselves, which is quite pathetic.

8. Medical conditions that result from restaurants and restaurant work and patronage. Galloway descibes them all in a very articulate and humorous fashion.

9. Metaphors, analogies and new words: Read this book and your lexicon will be greatly expanded: pathy gambi, gratshafter, gin kitten, and my favorite, whiskey tango (wasted time).

10. Statement on the human condition. This layer speaks for itself, and alone justifies reading this book.

I could go on and on. But the bottom line is, FINE DINING MADNESS is one of the best books to come along in decades. And at the very least, you'll howl in laughter, and it will save you loads of loot the next time you eat out, whether it's fine dining or just your local diner.

John Galloway worked as a waiter for 15 years in the restaurant business mostly spending his time working in expensive upscale restaurants in the Washington DC area. The personal experiences of the people he worked with, the patrons he served, and the trends he witnessed are included in this autobiography.

Galloway is brutally honest about the amount of stealing of anything from cups to art work that occurs by employees in expensive restaurants. He is also very candid about the prevalence of alcohol and other drug abuse involving people who work in restaurants. The diversity of his customers at his restaurant included Japanese businessmen, war veterans, and even gangsters.

I was surprised by the amount of training being a waiter involved. Galloway was also tested by his managers about the history of cigars and wine. I was amazed that he even had to read King Lear by Shakespeare for the his job. I learned the importance of tipping a hard fifth or 20% on any meal. I also learned that women should always order first in a restaurant. Furthermore, I learned that I should never call to make a dinner reservation at the busy crunch time. I was shocked by some of his personal experiences in this book. One particular incident stood out for me in which Galloway once served a large party of French African royalty. The amount of their bill was $4000, and he received only $40 as a tip. Galloway also served famous people like President George Bush and singer Roy Orbison.

This book is filled with facts about US history and trivia. I learned the President McKinley appears on the $500 bill and President Cleveland appears on the $1000 bill. I also learned that abolitionist Frederick Douglass was the black man to receive a vote for presidency in 1888. I also learned that the Gull is Utah's state bird. I learned about the Trail of Tears in which thousands of Cherokee Indians were driven from their land by US troops in 1838 and 1839. In a sense, reading this book was like having a mini history lesson. Fine Dining Madness is an informative, entertaining book about every facet of fine dining. I really enjoyed it.

John Galloway missed his calling. With his talent, he should have become a writer.

With his tongue planted firmed in his cheek, his first book, "Fine Dining Madness" provides those who dine finely with steadfast rules. Galloway, who gained his experience first-hand as a waiter, informs the reader his or her worst dreams may all be true. Your steak took a roll on the floor. The coffee was not decaf. Your table is the worst seat in the house - and you are sitting there for a reason.

My youngest son aspires to a career in restaurant management. He interns and works summers in restaurant service. Although my son's experiences are not all that different from the author's, he lacks Galloway's strop-honed wit and camera-like attention to detail that makes this book a great read.

Whether you inhale your meals at the corner greasy spoon or savior the world's finest cuisines from five-star rated venues, this book is worth a gander. Galloway's rules and realities of fine dining will change the way you savior the experience.

Restaurant business expert John Galloway presents Fine Dining Madness: The Rules & Realities of Fine Dining, a tongue-in-cheek rulebook to partaking in sophisticated cuisine, perhaps even under the most extraordinary circumstances. Chapters intersperse true anecdotes with solid general advice, and recount a wealth of most unusual situations involving washed-up celebrities, the mob, the aspirations of crazed chefs, the whims of mega call girls, and much more. Offering an astonishing peek as to what really happens behind a restaurant's swinging doors, Fine Dining Madness is as much a mirth-inducing voyage of the improbable as it is a solid handbook of do's and don'ts when eating like a king, or at least a duke. A singularly unforgettable dining instructional.

Author John Galloway takes the reader on an inside tour through the world of fine dining from the perspective of the workers. Throughout the book he dispenses the rules of courtesy when dining out but does so with a humorous and very entertaining style. Mr. Galloway provides a lot of insight into the inner workings of a restaurant including how the server quickly determines who will be a good customer and who will not, often before they are even seated. Don't like the level of service you receive? He also discusses how to be treated like royalty at your favorite restaurant. Although written predominantly for the patron of the true upper scale fine dining restaurant much of the advice is also applicable to the average restaurant. Fine Dining Madness is an eye-opening, and fun read recommended for everyone.

Wow! "Fine Dining Madness" is everything they say, and more: Heavy loaded with brilliant humor, extremely touching at times, and obviously the author is a big supporter of our troops, and also not shy about helping out those in need.

So if your looking for an incredible read, a book with better humor and prose than this book, I'll give you some advice: YOU WON'T FIND IT!

"Fine Dining Madness" is one for the ages, not one for the used bookstores, like most books.

I've not read too many American books. To date, less than 300. But quite simply, Fine Dining Madness was hilarious, with wit I've never seen, but certainly appreciate, though a few of the references I may have missed. Almost a study in pop culture, this book was also very insightful, and well-researched. There is value in every sentence, which, of course, is the mark of an extraordinary piece of literature.

Note: I own the hardbound edition, and I've seen the paperback, which is nice, but the hardcover version is quite worth the extra few dollars.

In my 24 years in the restaurant business, John Galloway tells all of hospitality's dirty little secrets. If Oprah needs facts- here they are. John Galloway seems to be Dennis Miller in a waiter uniform. Hilarious wit and a take no prisoners style set Mr. Galloway apart from his peers. Fine Dining Madness is every bad owner and rude guests nightmare, all others should buy the book.