Customer Reviews

FORGIVE AND FORGET

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I've struggled with some very painful issues in my life, and read several other books on forgiveness, but they left me feeling like I could never do what they suggested, and did nothing to help me to heal from the painful things that others have done to me. With this book I found that many of the things I'd already gone through were a part of forgiveness, and made forgiving someone within my grasp. I learned that it wasn't necessary to forget about the painful experiences in order to forgive, or to condone the action of the perpetrator in order to be able to forgive them. I didn't need to excuse their behavior by putting myself in their shoes to try to understand why their behavior had an excuse. I borrowed this book from a friend, but after reading it, I decided it was too good of a book to not have a copy of my own.

My father used the parable at the beginning of this book as a sermon illustration while I was home over Christmas break. Three weeks later, I was struggling with some personal issues and remembered this book. I read it, and my entire outlook on life changed. I realized that what the angel says is right. "You cannot change the past, you can only heal the hurt that comes to you from the past. And you can only heal it with the vision of the magic eyes." In reading this book, I learned what it means to look at someone with eyes of love. It means that you see them as who they are, with no exclusions. They are people who hurt you, but they may also be people who have been hurt themselves, or who are weak in some area. You learn to see this and forgive them the hurt they dealt you. This is what love is.

Throughout my life I've been betrayed by individuals - more times than I like to remember. And for so long, I've held grudges or feelings of being vindictive to those who hurt me. But after reading this fabulous and resourceful book, I have begun to trek down the road towards forgiving those who hurt me.

Life is too short to let anger fester inside of us. There's so much to enjoy in life and we shouldn't let our pasts constantly haunt us. This book provides excellent points and processes one can utilize in order to relieve themselves of such negative feelings and begin the process of healing. I particularly appreciated the author's writing style - that of adding stories and examples to model the processes.

For those who struggle to find it in their hearts to forgive others who have hurt them, this is, by far, the book to read!

"Forgive and Forget" covers forgiveness for deep devistating hurts through to minor slights. This book is profound and poignant. It helps you understand what forgiveness really means and how to know when you have started to forgive.

"The only way to heal the pain that will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiving stops the reruns of pain. Forgiving heals your memory as you change your memory's vision."

"A major ingredient in free forgiving is respect for the person being forgiven."

Mr. Smedes includes in his book:
- The four stages of forgiving
- Forgiving people who are hard to forgive
- How people forgive
- Why forgive?

This book answered many of my questions on forgiveness, though not all of them. It is a superb book, worth reading more than once. I recommend it!

We have all been wounded by those we love at some time. We all know the pain of disappointment, injustice, betrayal. In the midst of our pain we cannot fully understand the nature of our feelings of loss, anger or even hatred. Nor are we capable of fathoming the nature of the process by which our most intimate bonds to those we love are sometimes destroyed. Lewis B. Smede's book is more than a mere intellectual journey into the psychology of our hurts. It is a thoughtful and insightful study of the only true medicine for our deepest wounds: Forgiveness. It appeals not only to the mind but also to the spirit. It is a wonderful companion for anyone who is suffering the loss of a cherished relationship, unable to reconcile the injustice or futility of such loss. And for those fortunate few who do not have a grieving heart, it will offer challenging insights into our most intimate emotions. This is a book whose audience is humanity as well as the reader.

Forgive and Forget sounds like wisdom handed down from parents or grandparents. Lewis Smedes gently leads us through the WORK of forgiveness to the realization that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. This book changed my life and I am grateful.

This may turn people off because it talks about Christianity, but to me the author who is a Christian couldn't have illustrated it more perfectly than with talking about Christ. Christ provided the ultimate role model for forgiving others. When he died on that cross some 2,000 years ago he not only paid the penalty for our sins, but illustrated forgiveness on the cross while he was up there by asking God to forgive the ones who wanted him up there. I honestly don't feel that any of us could begin to start to learn about forgiveness without looking to Jesus Christ. I know I couldn't I tried for what seemed like an eternity to forgive those who hurt me as far back as 30 years ago, but it was a struggle to as I still wanted to see them suffer, and go to hell for what they did to me, and this was still after I accepted Christ. Let's face it if you've been able to forgive someone, and not think, or speak ill of them afterwards without Christ I want to meet you because somewhere through the stoic secular rhetoric I was told I missed something. Forgiveness is something that is not really held in high regard in the world as people are told to just let go, and move on, but how many people must we meet before we find the ones who meet up to our standards, and we know in our knower that they won't hurt us. I know some out there feel that "Well our families are all we need", but are we strong in ourselves that to prove we don't need Christ to forgive, and can overlook small and big disappointments our families can and will put us through. I'm a recovering unforgiver, and I've been unforgiving for over 30 years. Since reading this book I've forgiven 7 people who have hurt me, and others I'm chiseling around the edges. It's not an easy road to forgive others because you still wonder "Why Did It Have To Happen To Me?". There are things that are so small that need to be forgiven, and we don't think of them because they don't cause us financial, emotional, or physical, but left unchecked they can and will. I just can't think of forgiveness without looking to the cross because we all killed the Saviour, and not just Romans, or the Jewish. I mean the Germans, Irish, English, Arabians, Eskimos, etc. We all did it, and through it all he forgave us, and left a way open to come to him. For those who were offended I apologize, and I pray that you can learn to forgive.

One of the most difficult struggles in managing conflict is practicing forgiveness. There are many well-written works on this subject, but few match the realism and sensitivity of the volumes by popular author and seminary professor, Lewis Smedes. The work, Forgive and Forget, is a classic on the subject. The sequel, The Art of Forgiving, builds upon the concepts of the first. Smedes says: "We all know the right thing to do is usually the harder thing to do. I am continuing to struggle with forgiving and moving past conflict. I know that bitterness and anger taint my day to day existence, so why hold on to them? What or whose purpose does it serve? I'm not at the point where I could forgive the murderer of a loved one, but I strongly suggest to everyone reading this that you give up a lot of the hostility you carry around from petty disagreements with friends and colleagues. It really will make a difference in how you'll feel about yourself." Using many dramatic examples drawn from life, this practical book illumines, step by step, a realistic path of healing and the road to peace and freedom. There are indispensable resources on the subject of forgiveness. If you only get one, get The Art of Forgiving, but if you want to double the blessing, get both.

If you have trouble with emotional intimacy you may need to get rid of some excess baggage. Don't let a past offense ruin your future. The offender need not ask for forgiveness in order for you to forgive. Forgiving is a gift you give yourself - PEACE. The offender may never know that you've forgiven but YOU will feel the difference. You may have to try again and again - we are only human, but the journey will give you a taste of heaven here on earth

This is a great book about forgiveness. Smedes has a real way with words, while keeping things practical and applicable. I've never read a book that covers forgiveness so thoroughly. It doesn't just talk about the theology of forgiveness in theory, but it boils it down to who, what, when, where, why, and even how. I highly recommend it.