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Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change Hardcover – February 15, 2010

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Hay House; First Edition edition (February 15, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401925405
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401925406
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #913,293 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Vivian Diller, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in New York City. Dr. Diller was a professional ballet dancer before she became a professional model, appearing in Glamour, Seventeen, national print ads, and TV commercials. She left modeling in the late 1970s to get her Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Yeshiva University. After completing her Ph.D., she went on to do postdoctoral training in psychoanalysis at NYU. As a psychologist, she has specialized in working with dancers, models, actors, and athletes, helping them make transitions to new careers as they age out of their professions.

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Customer Reviews

So they carefully go about not criticizing it much.
Chris K.M.
I really recommend this book to any one having these issues and if you are a woman of a certain age, I bet just like me, you are having these thoughts!
Mary Bookhounds
I appreciate the humor and sensitivity of the authors.
Alexis C. Bonavitacola

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

81 of 82 people found the following review helpful By Jeani Rector on March 19, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I don't know why the other reviewers seem to like this book so much, perhaps they are friends of the authors. But I don't know the authors from Adam, and I am a woman who is heading down the aging path, so here is my take on the book.

FACE IT seems to be entirely made up of asking various women the same questions: "When did you first realize you were getting old? When was that 'uh-oh' moment when you realized you are losing your looks?"

Over and over again. We get it. There are women who are afraid of losing their looks. Lots of them, according to this book.

But where are the chapters about what to do about it emotionally, how to cope, and were are instructions to feel good about ourselves? Only the last few pages are given to that, and even that seems to be just a brief over-view.

In the meantime, we hear about a women whose husband constantly cheats on her with younger women. That is supposed to help us? She leaves him only to realize that being a 50-year-old single parent is hard and depressing. We needed to know this from a book?

Then how about the woman who is so afraid that younger women will take her job that she cannot sleep at night. Well guess what: this is a 25-year-old! Sure, she is a model, but what message does it tell us when 25-year-olds are worried about aging? Again, we needed to know this?

Why can't we read about strong women who change their lives for the better when they retire, such as those who take up oil painting, creative writing, or volunteer to feed the homeless? Why doesn't this book encourage women to pursue the things they are passionate about? Where is the meaning? No, this book focuses on the superficial; it seems to encourage women to study themselves in the mirror.
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64 of 65 people found the following review helpful By Peggy Halsegan on April 29, 2010
Format: Hardcover
This slim little volume is a deep book. The authors explain how women today have many years left to live, but are afraid to go there. We all have the day where we realize the world no longer sees us as we see ourselves, and little bit of us kind of dies inside. We can't look to our mothers as role models, they weren't forced to pretend they were eternally 20 to remain in the game. As the authors point out, we can't pretend to be eternally 20 either. We owe it to ourselves and our daughters to model a better way of growing older. Letting go of our youthful image, say the authors, "does not mean denying youth or repressing youthful memories. [As in adolescence] it means saying goodbye [to your young version of yourself] to make room for what comes next."

We all know our culture links youth with beauty; the authors tell us not to punish ourselves for trying to live up to such an unreasonable standard. We can't get any younger, it's just not gonna happen. So how do we face the fear--the real fear here--of becoming unloved, unlovable, marginalized, dead-to-the-world, still-walking-around female human beings? These galz give us a road map. I can't do it justice in this short review, but I think their case studies and practical suggestions are gold.

When young women can't imagine what they'll do with their lives after they turn 50, then we need to show them. It's the least we can do for them, and ourselves.
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58 of 59 people found the following review helpful By N. Taylor on May 25, 2010
Format: Hardcover
I really loved this book. It is not a book about about staying beautiful nor is it a book full of trite pop psychology mantra about how beauty is within. The truth is that we do possess inner beauty but in this culture, our outer beauty is still important.

The authors have an incredible insight on the psychological effects of women aging. As a former beautiful co-ed turned middle age suburban housewife/professional counselor/mother, I couldn't agree more with the authors take on beauty and the aging woman. We go through an "Uh-oh" moment and thus begins our journey. For me it was when the cute guy flirted shamelessly and I realized his target was my little girl. Little meaning 14 years old and 5'7".

The authors' approach to the aging process is to resolve the beauty paradox. Through specific steps and anecdotal evidence based on their combined years of private practice, the authors guide the reader through the process. Frankly, the steps could be used for any life altering event.

Step 1. Turn Uh-Oh moments into Ah-ha moments.
Step 2. The only mask you wear should be made of honey and yogurt. Essentially, aging is not a dirty word. Come out of hiding and accept the outer self you are becoming
Step 3. Talk back to your internal dialogues. What is the message you are hearing in your head? Reframe it.
Step 4. Give Mom her due. Take the best of her and leave the rest behind. Her aging process is not the same as your own. The cultural experiences are different. It's not your mother's fault. Or your father's. Or your own. Again, reframe the experience.
Step 5. Use adolescent memories instead of repeating them. Remember how awkward we felt growing into our bodies and fashions? Avoid the impulsive decisions we made back then.
Step 6.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Chris K.M. on October 10, 2012
Format: Paperback
All through the book I felt there was a deep lack of a clear message from the authors--as if they themselves were divided on the subject of women's aging and how to handle it. On the one hand, they say they want to help women through a difficult transition which they compare to adolescence (a convenient correlation that doesn't quite work because thank God most of us have learned a lot since then). On the other hand, they keep going back to the point that women should make themselves look beautiful, which unfortunately turns out to be about making yourself appear younger. They advise focusing on inner beauty, telling us to mourn the loss of our youthful looks and move on, and I think hurray!, and then they go on to say look into beauty products, dye your hair, go to spas--in other words do everything possible to look better (*younger*!). One of their interviewees is told "It's never too late to get smart about beauty." It's depressing.

We need something more honest than this. If we want to be told how to look more beautiful (younger) there are plenty of alternative books that come up under "Customers who bought this item also bought." Clearly, that's what some women are looking for and there's no dearth of authors/publishers/cosmetic companies happy to help us do that. That's not what I want, and I think, not what a lot of women want. I thought this book was supposed to be about moving past our attachment to looking younger and into a healthier mindset (i.e. face it, don't fight it because we all age and fighting it simply Does Not Work). The authors tell us face it, but don't face it. I hoped it would be about evolving--growing into our real selves basically.
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