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Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change [Hardcover]

Vivian Diller Ph.D. , Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D. , Michele Willens
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)

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Book Description

February 15, 2010

       Let’s face it: everyone’s getting older. But millions of women, raised to believe that success and happiness are based on their intelligence and accomplishments, face an unexpected challenge: the physical realities of aging. If looks are not supposed to matter, why do so many women panic as their appearance changes?

      Their dilemma stems from two opposing societal views of beauty which lead to two different approaches to aging. Should women simply grow old naturally since their looks don’t define them, or should they fight the signs of aging since beauty and youth are their currency and power? This Beauty Paradox leaves many women feeling stuck.

      Face It, by Vivian Diller, Ph.D., is a psychological guide to help women deal with the emotions brought on by their changing appearances. As a model turned psychotherapist, Diller has had the opportunity to examine the world of beauty from two very different vantage points. This unique perspective helped her develop a six-step program that begins with recognizing “uh-oh” moments that reveal the reality of changing looks, and goes on to identify the masks used to cover deeper issues and define the role beauty plays in a woman’s life, and ends with bidding adieu to old definitions of beauty, so women can enjoy their appearance—at any age!


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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Vivian Diller, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in New York City. Dr. Diller was a professional ballet dancer before she became a professional model, appearing in Glamour, Seventeen, national print ads, and TV commercials. She left modeling in the late 1970s to get her Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Yeshiva University. After completing her Ph.D., she went on to do postdoctoral training in psychoanalysis at NYU. As a psychologist, she has specialized in working with dancers, models, actors, and athletes, helping them make transitions to new careers as they age out of their professions.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Hay House; First Edition edition (February 15, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401925405
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401925406
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #595,764 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

The book is great for women of all ages. Melissa  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
The authors provide excellent and personal insight into the journey of the aging woman. N. Taylor  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
58 of 59 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
This slim little volume is a deep book. The authors explain how women today have many years left to live, but are afraid to go there. We all have the day where we realize the world no longer sees us as we see ourselves, and little bit of us kind of dies inside. We can't look to our mothers as role models, they weren't forced to pretend they were eternally 20 to remain in the game. As the authors point out, we can't pretend to be eternally 20 either. We owe it to ourselves and our daughters to model a better way of growing older. Letting go of our youthful image, say the authors, "does not mean denying youth or repressing youthful memories. [As in adolescence] it means saying goodbye [to your young version of yourself] to make room for what comes next."

We all know our culture links youth with beauty; the authors tell us not to punish ourselves for trying to live up to such an unreasonable standard. We can't get any younger, it's just not gonna happen. So how do we face the fear--the real fear here--of becoming unloved, unlovable, marginalized, dead-to-the-world, still-walking-around female human beings? These galz give us a road map. I can't do it justice in this short review, but I think their case studies and practical suggestions are gold.

When young women can't imagine what they'll do with their lives after they turn 50, then we need to show them. It's the least we can do for them, and ourselves.
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52 of 53 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Solid steps for any type of change in life May 25, 2010
Format:Hardcover
I really loved this book. It is not a book about about staying beautiful nor is it a book full of trite pop psychology mantra about how beauty is within. The truth is that we do possess inner beauty but in this culture, our outer beauty is still important.

The authors have an incredible insight on the psychological effects of women aging. As a former beautiful co-ed turned middle age suburban housewife/professional counselor/mother, I couldn't agree more with the authors take on beauty and the aging woman. We go through an "Uh-oh" moment and thus begins our journey. For me it was when the cute guy flirted shamelessly and I realized his target was my little girl. Little meaning 14 years old and 5'7".

The authors' approach to the aging process is to resolve the beauty paradox. Through specific steps and anecdotal evidence based on their combined years of private practice, the authors guide the reader through the process. Frankly, the steps could be used for any life altering event.

Step 1. Turn Uh-Oh moments into Ah-ha moments.
Step 2. The only mask you wear should be made of honey and yogurt. Essentially, aging is not a dirty word. Come out of hiding and accept the outer self you are becoming
Step 3. Talk back to your internal dialogues. What is the message you are hearing in your head? Reframe it.
Step 4. Give Mom her due. Take the best of her and leave the rest behind. Her aging process is not the same as your own. The cultural experiences are different. It's not your mother's fault. Or your father's. Or your own. Again, reframe the experience.
Step 5. Use adolescent memories instead of repeating them. Remember how awkward we felt growing into our bodies and fashions? Avoid the impulsive decisions we made back then.
Step 6.
... Read more ›
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34 of 34 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Adds to Anxiety March 19, 2012
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I don't know why the other reviewers seem to like this book so much, perhaps they are friends of the authors. But I don't know the authors from Adam, and I am a woman who is heading down the aging path, so here is my take on the book.

FACE IT seems to be entirely made up of asking various women the same questions: "When did you first realize you were getting old? When was that 'uh-oh' moment when you realized you are losing your looks?"

Over and over again. We get it. There are women who are afraid of losing their looks. Lots of them, according to this book.

But where are the chapters about what to do about it emotionally, how to cope, and were are instructions to feel good about ourselves? Only the last few pages are given to that, and even that seems to be just a brief over-view.

In the meantime, we hear about a women whose husband constantly cheats on her with younger women. That is supposed to help us? She leaves him only to realize that being a 50-year-old single parent is hard and depressing. We needed to know this from a book?

Then how about the woman who is so afraid that younger women will take her job that she cannot sleep at night. Well guess what: this is a 25-year-old! Sure, she is a model, but what message does it tell us when 25-year-olds are worried about aging? Again, we needed to know this?

Why can't we read about strong women who change their lives for the better when they retire, such as those who take up oil painting, creative writing, or volunteer to feed the homeless? Why doesn't this book encourage women to pursue the things they are passionate about? Where is the meaning? No, this book focuses on the superficial; it seems to encourage women to study themselves in the mirror.
... Read more ›
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44 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars MaryinHB www.maryinhb.blogspot.com March 16, 2010
Format:Hardcover
Ever feel like you are still 20-30 years old and then you look in the mirror and wonder, "where the heck did this face come from"? With culture in the US, especially with all of the reality shows like the Real Housewives, magazines telling us why we should get that face life now and being pounded day after day with the necessity for a youthful face, it is amazing any of us can even get out of bed each day. This is the right book at the right time for women my age. The book provides 6 steps for you to work through your own phobias about what your look like and how to accept it. I really recommend this book to any one having these issues and if you are a woman of a certain age, I bet just like me, you are having these thoughts!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Shallow
All through the book I felt there was a deep lack of a clear message from the authors--as if they themselves were divided on the subject of women's aging and how to handle it. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Chris K.M.
2.0 out of 5 stars small world view of women aging
The authors are former models who became psychologists after their careers ended, which is admirable. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Maria S.
3.0 out of 5 stars Didn't get anything out of reading this book.
I'm sorry perhaps I missed the point. For some of the women the author used for examples looks were NOT an important issue. Read more
Published on May 18, 2011 by Cynthia Danute Cekauskas, LCSW
5.0 out of 5 stars Great, helpful book
I think this book would be really helpful to anyone who has anxiety about aging, regardless of how old they are. Read more
Published on February 6, 2011 by C
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I needed at the time
This book has no lightnes to it. It has substantial info on the psychological impact of aging, using many anecdotes. Read more
Published on January 24, 2011 by Cindy Chandler
5.0 out of 5 stars Terrific!
Were they inside my head as they wrote this book? At 55, I thought I was the ONLY one going through a sense of loss for that 20,30, and 40 year self. Read more
Published on December 10, 2010 by Alexis C. Bonavitacola
3.0 out of 5 stars could have been more helpful
This book was a bit of a disappointment. It sounded so promising - two former models become psychologists and help women with aging issues. Read more
Published on December 5, 2010 by Sandy L. Warf
5.0 out of 5 stars Really excellent and helpful book for aging women
Ever since I turned 38 last year, I've been in a bit of a tailspin as the signs of aging have caught up with me. Read more
Published on September 17, 2010 by Leanne
5.0 out of 5 stars A tough subject handled with grace and beauty...
A Tough Subject Handled with Grace and Beauty
What a perfect time for me to stumble on Face It - recently separated, unable to find work in my field and not yet trained in my... Read more
Published on September 7, 2010 by Carol Holding
5.0 out of 5 stars Ageless Beauty
I am tired of hearing that 70 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40. Aging is natural no matter what we do to try to freeze the march of time. Read more
Published on June 2, 2010 by K. Gross
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