Customer Reviews

Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This slim little volume is a deep book. The authors explain how women today have many years left to live, but are afraid to go there. We all have the day where we realize the world no longer sees us as we see ourselves, and little bit of us kind of dies inside. We can't look to our mothers as role models, they weren't forced to pretend they were eternally 20 to remain in the game. As the authors point out, we can't pretend to be eternally 20 either. We owe it to ourselves and our daughters to model a better way of growing older. Letting go of our youthful image, say the authors, "does not mean denying youth or repressing youthful memories. [As in adolescence] it means saying goodbye [to your young version of yourself] to make room for what comes next."

We all know our culture links youth with beauty; the authors tell us not to punish ourselves for trying to live up to such an unreasonable standard. We can't get any younger, it's just not gonna happen. So how do we face the fear--the real fear here--of becoming unloved, unlovable, marginalized, dead-to-the-world, still-walking-around female human beings? These galz give us a road map. I can't do it justice in this short review, but I think their case studies and practical suggestions are gold.

When young women can't imagine what they'll do with their lives after they turn 50, then we need to show them. It's the least we can do for them, and ourselves.

I really loved this book. It is not a book about about staying beautiful nor is it a book full of trite pop psychology mantra about how beauty is within. The truth is that we do possess inner beauty but in this culture, our outer beauty is still important.

The authors have an incredible insight on the psychological effects of women aging. As a former beautiful co-ed turned middle age suburban housewife/professional counselor/mother, I couldn't agree more with the authors take on beauty and the aging woman. We go through an "Uh-oh" moment and thus begins our journey. For me it was when the cute guy flirted shamelessly and I realized his target was my little girl. Little meaning 14 years old and 5'7".

The authors' approach to the aging process is to resolve the beauty paradox. Through specific steps and anecdotal evidence based on their combined years of private practice, the authors guide the reader through the process. Frankly, the steps could be used for any life altering event.

Step 1. Turn Uh-Oh moments into Ah-ha moments.
Step 2. The only mask you wear should be made of honey and yogurt. Essentially, aging is not a dirty word. Come out of hiding and accept the outer self you are becoming
Step 3. Talk back to your internal dialogues. What is the message you are hearing in your head? Reframe it.
Step 4. Give Mom her due. Take the best of her and leave the rest behind. Her aging process is not the same as your own. The cultural experiences are different. It's not your mother's fault. Or your father's. Or your own. Again, reframe the experience.
Step 5. Use adolescent memories instead of repeating them. Remember how awkward we felt growing into our bodies and fashions? Avoid the impulsive decisions we made back then.
Step 6. Saying Goodbye is hard to do. But saying goodbye to something is the first step to saying hello to another.

The authors provide excellent and personal insight into the journey of the aging woman. The aging woman can be anybody from 23 to 93. The authors are really guiding the reader in accepting any kind of change that is difficult.

Highly recommend this book to anybody - but especially the woman of any age going through tumult due to aging, infidelity of either partner, illness, etc.

Ever feel like you are still 20-30 years old and then you look in the mirror and wonder, "where the heck did this face come from"? With culture in the US, especially with all of the reality shows like the Real Housewives, magazines telling us why we should get that face life now and being pounded day after day with the necessity for a youthful face, it is amazing any of us can even get out of bed each day. This is the right book at the right time for women my age. The book provides 6 steps for you to work through your own phobias about what your look like and how to accept it. I really recommend this book to any one having these issues and if you are a woman of a certain age, I bet just like me, you are having these thoughts!

Ever since I turned 38 last year, I've been in a bit of a tailspin as the signs of aging have caught up with me. The two authors of this book, both of whom are former models turned psychotherapists, have really addressed the key issues that women have to contend with in a society that is so youth-oriented.

As Dr. Diller explains in the Preface, women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's are "part of a generation brought up with paradoxical messages about beauty -- it matters, it doesn't; it should, it shouldn't. We were raised to believe we could rely on education, money, and talent to control our futures. Yet we now feel out of control over the changes we see in the mirror." If that sentence resonates with you -- as it did for me -- then you will find this book to be very helpful.

The authors take on this contradictory message of what they term "the beauty paradox," which consists of the "two incompatible messages" that women internalize: that they should age naturally, and yet defy aging at any cost. By taking readers through six steps, they try to help readers come to terms with the aging process.

What I also really like about this book is that the authors don't offer any judgment about what anti-aging measures the reader takes. They ask you to think carefully about whether or not you want to start using Botox, have cosmetic procedures, etc., but only to make sure that such measures are right for *you*, not to critique your decisions in any way.

This has been a really helpful book for me, and I definitely recommend it if you are trying to reconcile your own conflicting beliefs about the aging process in today's society.

A Tough Subject Handled with Grace and Beauty
What a perfect time for me to stumble on Face It - recently separated, unable to find work in my field and not yet trained in my new career, huge transitions that made me embarrassed that I was even thinking about my wrinkles and waistline (and total loss of my chin!) This book was great help. What at first put me off about the book, that it was written by two former models turned psychologists, is really its most engaging aspect, as who could have a tougher aging transition than models! Diller, Muir-Sukenick and Willens have filled FaceIt with personal, heart-wrenching stories of women going through exactly what I'm going through (I am not alone!!) and links them to experiences that women encounter throughout life (yes there is a lot about our mothers.) The ending is a series of guides that cheer you on to a new attitude, with specific tips about how to deal with the reality of how you look now. Three cheers for Face It, a tough subject handled with grace and beauty!!

I am tired of hearing that 70 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40. Aging is natural no matter what we do to try to freeze the march of time. But its also confusing to feel stronger and ageless, when the mirror is a constant reminder of the physical changes in our body and face.
Face It is a thoughtful book written by therapists that helps us examine our feelings as we experience how the inevitable aging process impacts on our appearance. It's not about quick fixes but about understanding our underlying sense of self worth in terms of how we look. It guides us through a process which gives us the emotional confidence to make the right decisions for ourselves in how we each chose to deal with these changes.

As a woman reaching the magical time of middle age, the subtitle of this book intrigued me.

We all age and, while we can all try and slow the process, it still happens. Our society today puts a lot of pressure on women to be young, beautiful and slim. Most books that you read on this subject discuss how you can slow the process, but this book, "Face It", actually teaches you how to accept it and be happy. It is a guide to help you understand, feel better, and take advantage of your changing looks. This quote from the book summarizes what the book does, "The knowledge you gain as you read Face It will give you a step-by-step plan that maps out how to manage your feelings about your changing appearance."

As you read the book, you will meet woman and hear their stories, their feelings, and how they dealt with the challenge of aging. You will find a variety of different feelings expressed and you may find that what you read perfectly describes how you feel. At the end of each chapter, there are questions for you to consider. It is a book that we would recommend for any woman who looks in the mirror and discovers that they are not happy with the way they are changing.

Some quotes from Face It:

"To truly understand beauty is to view it as a combination of objectivity and perception, as a science and an art."

"It's time we use our knowledge, experience, and fortitude to change the way we deal with our changing looks."

"The challenge: can we keep youthful optimism in our hearts and minds while letting our faces follow their natural course?"

"When there is a shift in self-image - in the very basic way we see ourselves - we feel something fundamental change within us, whether we are aware of its origin or not."

"Watching others age seems more gradual, while our own shift is jarring."

"We celebrate many transitions in life, like graduations, confirmations, bat mitzvahs, weddings, pregnancies. Yet we watch people pass through the latter part of their lives with little or no celebration of that achievement. "

This book was a bit of a disappointment. It sounded so promising - two former models become psychologists and help women with aging issues. The authors interviewed and wrote about many clients and their experiences with aging. But it seemed to me that most of their problems were due primarily to poor health, work and relationship choices, the consequences of which intensified as they aged, rather than problems related specifically to aging.

I have never been obsessed with my face, but I know many women who would benefit from reading this book. In my profession (RN), I work with a lot of women. Some would not leave their house without their make up on and some do not wear any at all. The book is great for women of all ages. The book provides real life examples of women who struggle with their looks daily. The book discusses six steps that can help you overcome your fears about your looks with the least amount of stress. The book was well written and at the end of the book the authors listed 12 tips for the modern woman that reinforces the six steps. (reviewed by eileen, Melissa's Mom)



I received a free copy from FSB Associates for my honest review. I was not compensated.

I'm sorry perhaps I missed the point. For some of the women the author used for examples looks were NOT an important issue. While it is clear that our larger society makes a big deal about women looking young, beautiful and desirable not ALL women seek the approval of men to be happy. Why should they be compelled to? Perhaps the fact that the book was written by two former models who derived a lot of positive reinforcement from their looks and themselves had to come to terms with aging the book might be useful to some of the better looking women of our culture. To those of us, however, who may be just average but pride ourselves instead on our intelligence, athletic ability or other talents unrelated to how we look the book simply seems irrelevant. Additionally there a number of men to whom physical looks are not the most important quality they seek in their female partners. So the aging of their wives or girlfriends is of no consequence. Rather these men seek the companionship of their females. I remember one point in the book when the author described an "uh-oh" moment. Mine occurred while shopping at Dollar General when a cashier asked me whether I was looking for something for my grandchildren. Not ever even having had children I was taken aback and initially upset by this question. Sadly I said to my husband "Baby, I'm getting older" to which he simply replied "So am I" dismissing the whole thing as a non-issue.