Customer Reviews

Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately

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As a therapist working with people who have anger issues, I cannot praise this book enough. This is the most definitive book about anger on the bookshelves today. Most authors try an intellectual approach to dealing with anger, but Mr. Lee goes to the heart of the problems and explains why we need it, why we avoid it, and most importantly, how to deal with it appropriately. I ask all my clients (I do group therapy with abused women who have a lot of anger) to read this book so they will have an understanding of what they and others are facing in their healing work. Also, a great book for non-professionals, because it explains anger and confronts in everyday language myths and misconceptions about anger. A must have for anyone who deals with anger (Don't we all?).

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Mr. Lee's approach to discharging/expressing anger safely is RIGHT ON. Many people might think that by expressing anger - they will become more angry. In reality, you are uncovering the suppressed anger that has been inside of you all your life. You are merely becoming AWARE of it. We spend our entire lives stuffing/repressing/avoiding/medicating our anger. We will do anything but FACE it - and get it out.

The good news. The amount of suppressed anger inside us is finite and can be discharged. Mr. Lee would be interested in knowing that a retired neuroscientist (Ellie Van Winkle) has discovered almost exactly the same thing about anger. Her free therapy - "Redirecting Self Therapy", teaches a unique way to safely release anger - free without a therapist. Can't provide a link here, but you can do your own search later. What Ellie's theory gives us, is a biological explanation for what John Lee expresses throughout his book.

Also, John Lee has a unique theory about mental illness. Basically, he believes that trauma causes us to continually try and recreate the circumstances of original trauma, so that the mind has a 2nd opportunity to heal itself. Well, Mr. Lee, you might find the following of interest from Ellie Van Winkle:

"The fantasies in which I lived for close to sixty years were unconscious attempts to recreate early traumas and provide a stage wherein I could redirect my anger toward my parents."

Anger is connected to just about every mental/emotional disorder under the sun. Discharge that anger and your mind begins to heal.

This book is for people who have trouble with releasing their negative emotions. John Lee explains effectively the benefits from emotional release while at the same time providing some techniques for helping people with repressed anger that are simple, down-to-earth, and reasonable for people to use. This book has helped me a great deal personally, and I think it will help anyone with depression or difficulties releasing anger.

I chose this book based on the Amazon reviews. It was right on point for me as I am one who has hidden my anger and chose to always play it nice. This book helped me to be okay with being angry, find ways to channel the anger and to feel okay with addressing people with whom I am angry rather than stuffing it. I feel way more capable of dealing with my anger as a result of reading this book.

Namaste
Tyra Olufemi
www.goddess-body-mind-spirit.com

Two reasons I would not recommend this book 1) Was not an appropriate fit. The books title or description should point out better that this books is for people who can't feel, or always suppress anger. If you have a problem of inappropriately expressing anger (like myself), this book has some decent ideas, but really is not for you. Reason 2) - I cannot find that the authors have any credentials other than their personal experiences (which only relate to stuffing anger, not being too angry). Not only is the support for their stance only anecdotal, it is often contradictory. I have learned myself, and they also write, that most of our anger, and the way we deal with it are learned responses to our environment. While we are all born with the ability to be angry, we all learn different ways to deal with it, some appropriate, some inappropriate. Yet, just after stating this, the book goes on to say that we can do very little with our anger cognitively, 'as it is a feeling of the body, not the mind'. That is only one example of the many contradictory stances. There are many other statements that I just cannot agree with. Whether you have a problem with stuffing your anger, or expressing it too much, I would not recommend this as a first book as there are others that would be much more helpful.

What I liked most about this book is that it validates people's right to feel anger. How could such a simple concept be the focus of a book? Society has a "shoulds" list and anger isn't one of them! We're all too puritan about it, so it comes out in Freudian slips, passive/aggressive behaviour and through our bodies.
The premise of the book is very simple, yet also very helpful--feel your anger and then release it(safely, of course and without hurting others). If we all did this, our society would be much healthier. And, the criminal population would decline!

This book is GREAT and makes so much sense!! If you have issues with expressing anger and have trouble sorting out your emotions this book is an excellent way to begin understanding them. Almost everyone feels anger at some point in their life and because it's not "fashionable" to express it (especially if you are woman) many people don't know what to do about it. This book gives you a way to begin understanding and dealing with it. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, headaches, or other ailments that seem to have unexplained causes, this book may just be the thing to help you. After just 4 days of engaging in the exercises in this book I began feeling better, sleeping better, and smiling more. Read it! You will not be disappointed.

I was glued to the first half but then it got a little too weird for me. I agree with identifying where the anger comes from. That part of the book was good. Yep we have all been hurt and maybe we need to figure out why we are so angry if we are angry. We shouldn't hurt people with our anger and should find a way to release it. As far as punching pillows and yelling goes,....that's where he lost me. I put the book down and didn't read any further. I'd rather go for a power walk and/or have a good cry, or write my anger down on paper that will only be seen by my eyes and then destroyed.
How bout' instead of "punching pillows" and saying "Mommy and Daddy you hurt me when you did or didn't do this or that"...you take up Salsa Dancing or Wood Carving or learn to bake Artisian Bread?
I think Ceasar Milan (Dog Whisperer) should write a book on Anger. My bet would be that he would say to get the "brain" off the object of anger and replace it with something rewarding.