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Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love Paperback – April 29, 2003

4.5 out of 5 stars 164 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Mellody has written a lucid and informa tive book on a subject little understood: love addiction. Speaking both from per sonal experience and a clinical standpoint, she very carefully defines her terms, in cluding "love addict," "avoidance addict," and, of course, codependence. The last term she carefully distinguishes from love addiction. She also includes information on the recovery process, the marks of a healthy relationship, and the process of en tering into a healthy relationship. The book concludes with a set of journal exer cises designed to help someone in recov ery. Worthwhile reading that is recom mended for libraries serving both the professional and general reader.
-Barbara L. Flynn, Chicago P.L.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Pia Mellody is an internationally renowned lecturer on the childhood origins of emotional dysfunc-tion. Her recovery work-shops have benefited people all over the world and her bestselling books have been translated into many languages. She is a member of the faculty at The Meadows Treatment Center, a residential center for victims of trauma, emotional abuse, and addictions, in Wickenburg, Arizona.



J. Keith Miller, the author of A Hunger for Healing, is a popular speaker and conference leader, and author. Among his best-selling books are The Taste of New Wine and Hope in the Fast Lane. He is also the coauthor of Facing Codependence.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; 1 edition (April 29, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062506048
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062506047
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (164 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,392 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I found this book well written and comprehensive, but what was the most moving to me was the way in which it touched the most painful and sad and hidden part of my relationships. Not only does it talk about me and why I do this, but it clearly talks about my partner(s) and what they seek in this valiant but destructive and Quixotic dance we do. I did not need my highlighter, as my tears did the highlighting on each and every page. Strangely, the more I read into the book the more soothed I felt in that I understood, finally, that I am not alone, that I needn't be alone and that there is a way out from this. If you suffer in relationships in the dramatic push-pull way, if the relationships you have are frought with complicated manipulations, if you want a way out...please read this book. Best of luck. Tim
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Format: Paperback
This book was recommended by my therapist. After going thru the whole book and writing all the exercises, I have unlocked and unloaded a ton of childhood pain and trauma. You will shed floods of tears and feel terrible feelings you have buried, but this process is like the purging of toxins so you can begin to heal.

One customer commented that the author didn't offer any recovery tools. I'd like to offer my experience: The most important recovery tool is to develop a relationship with a Higher Power that is not a person or object. For if you do not have a Higher Power, you will turn to a person or object for that love, which will result in addiction.

From time to time, during recovery, painful feelings will surface, triggered by whatever or whomever you're dealing with day to day. When I was in a relationship, it was hard because I couldn't get away easily to process the triggered feelings. The book offers suggestions which are good, but not that easy to do for me. Now that I'm not in that relationship, I've followed my therapist's suggestion to identify the triggering event, the root cause (usually from your childhood), and replace the painful feeling with thoughts, words, and deeds that make me feel better. This 3-step process takes tremendous discipline because many times I just want to stick to my lifelong habit of self-pity, depression, and pessimism.

I also begin my day with one hour of Prayer Walk. I meditate every day to empty my mind, and infuse my being with God's love. Since I've been doing recovery, I have stopped crying over loneliness, stopped longing for that "soulmate", and stopped the frantic search. After all, you are your true soulmate, because if you can't love you, no one can.
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Format: Paperback
I read this book about four or five years ago, and it helped me understand, in a way that nothing had before, why my relationships were not working. I have read several books on building healthy relationships, and many are good, but this is the one that saved my life. Pia's model explains that while I was searching for love, I was really much more afraid to receive it than I had ever thought. Before I read it, I hadn't been able to sustain any relationship for long, and had never been close to marriage. Now I am happily married, and I still turn to this book for tune-ups in my marriage. Thank you Pia, very much!
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Format: Paperback
This is a brilliant and raw book on a toxic problem that both genders face - addiction to romance and "love" that is really a form of excitement. Anyone in recovery would benefit from this and from Pia's clinical workshops. Culture and society trains people to seek love and security and self-worth through a romantic partnership. Within sound and grounded thinking this is a complement to a full life. But all addiction is an ultimate highway to chaos and self-destruction. Tuning out and tuning into ourselves is the greatest gift we can do to heal the wounds and pain that anihilate our self-respect.

Love addiction is emotional cocaine. Stay away!
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Format: Paperback
Holy Moley,
I just didn't know until I read this book. This book clearly illustrated to me just what I've been doing in relationships that get me into trouble. It doesn't stop there either.
While reading, I could begin to see the shroud of darkness lift from my eyes, and clarity begin to set in. I am a love addict, and have been picking avoidant addicts for years and never knew it. Now I can see the reasons for the pain I was forced to endure. I am now happily on the road to recovery.
If you have any questions at all about your troubled relationships of the present or past, buy this book!
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Format: Paperback
I read Facing Love Addiction after reading Dr. Andy's excellent book How to Survive Loving a Narcissist (A Book About Narcissism) - Narcissism Book which was such a great resource for understanding how we become love addicted in a forthright and helpful manner.

Facing Love Addiction was an additional tool for understanding this vague concept. I personally had never heard of being addicted to love. The signs, the advice, and the things you learn about yourself while reading this book are truly remarkable. A personal journey where you actually come out a different person not only to yourself but to people around you is life-changing.

The words of the author, Pia Mellody, ring in my head as I encounter the different phases of a relationship - whether it be from an ex or someone I have recently met. She is really an expert and Facing Love Addiction provides a wealth of advice on self-empowerment and becoming the your best self.
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