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132 Reviews
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250 of 258 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The pain of discovering the hidden self.
I found this book well written and comprehensive, but what was the most moving to me was the way in which it touched the most painful and sad and hidden part of my relationships. Not only does it talk about me and why I do this, but it clearly talks about my partner(s) and what they seek in this valiant but destructive and Quixotic dance we do. I did not need my...
Published on September 18, 1999 by trieser@nh.ultranet.com

versus
11 of 15 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not applicable to most
This is a book to buy only if you have very serious issues created by childhood abuse or abandonment. If you are simply trying to leave a realtionship with a jerk who you feel "addicted to" this is not the book for you.

The beginning of this book gives an example of a woman whose husband is cheating on her yet again and blows up at her and blames her when...
Published 21 months ago by cicadanymph


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250 of 258 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The pain of discovering the hidden self., September 18, 1999
By 
trieser@nh.ultranet.com (Stratham New Hampshire) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
I found this book well written and comprehensive, but what was the most moving to me was the way in which it touched the most painful and sad and hidden part of my relationships. Not only does it talk about me and why I do this, but it clearly talks about my partner(s) and what they seek in this valiant but destructive and Quixotic dance we do. I did not need my highlighter, as my tears did the highlighting on each and every page. Strangely, the more I read into the book the more soothed I felt in that I understood, finally, that I am not alone, that I needn't be alone and that there is a way out from this. If you suffer in relationships in the dramatic push-pull way, if the relationships you have are frought with complicated manipulations, if you want a way out...please read this book. Best of luck. Tim
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171 of 181 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Recovery Tools, May 25, 2006
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
This book was recommended by my therapist. After going thru the whole book and writing all the exercises, I have unlocked and unloaded a ton of childhood pain and trauma. You will shed floods of tears and feel terrible feelings you have buried, but this process is like the purging of toxins so you can begin to heal.

One customer commented that the author didn't offer any recovery tools. I'd like to offer my experience: The most important recovery tool is to develop a relationship with a Higher Power that is not a person or object. For if you do not have a Higher Power, you will turn to a person or object for that love, which will result in addiction.

From time to time, during recovery, painful feelings will surface, triggered by whatever or whomever you're dealing with day to day. When I was in a relationship, it was hard because I couldn't get away easily to process the triggered feelings. The book offers suggestions which are good, but not that easy to do for me. Now that I'm not in that relationship, I've followed my therapist's suggestion to identify the triggering event, the root cause (usually from your childhood), and replace the painful feeling with thoughts, words, and deeds that make me feel better. This 3-step process takes tremendous discipline because many times I just want to stick to my lifelong habit of self-pity, depression, and pessimism.

I also begin my day with one hour of Prayer Walk. I meditate every day to empty my mind, and infuse my being with God's love. Since I've been doing recovery, I have stopped crying over loneliness, stopped longing for that "soulmate", and stopped the frantic search. After all, you are your true soulmate, because if you can't love you, no one can. Everyone accesses their Higher Power differently, but the most important thing is to receive all the love you need from your Higher Power. Without doing so, you will forever rely on a created being or thing for love, and be constantly frustrated because of his/its limitations.

Before reading Pia Mellody's book, I was attracted to men who were challenging, difficult, complex, and provocative, which I found fascinating, but they in fact were unstable, emotionally melodramatic, and abusive. Now when I meet men who are intense, I feel less attraction, perhaps because I have processed my childhood trauma wounds and lowered my degree of intensity, becoming more at peace with myself. Today I see these people as wounded, just unaware of it. I know I can choose peace, not conflict; joy, not suffering; gentleness, not intensity.

The book says "Love addicts are attracted to men who walk away from them." That was very true of me. But to change that, I had to open my wounds, clean them out, identify the pain, and patiently wait for the wounds to heal.

I hope the pain you're feeling will be enough of a wakeup call to begin this journey.
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90 of 96 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Completely Changed My Life, September 3, 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
I read this book about four or five years ago, and it helped me understand, in a way that nothing had before, why my relationships were not working. I have read several books on building healthy relationships, and many are good, but this is the one that saved my life. Pia's model explains that while I was searching for love, I was really much more afraid to receive it than I had ever thought. Before I read it, I hadn't been able to sustain any relationship for long, and had never been close to marriage. Now I am happily married, and I still turn to this book for tune-ups in my marriage. Thank you Pia, very much!
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Quest for Love is Doomed to Destroy, July 10, 2005
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
This is a brilliant and raw book on a toxic problem that both genders face - addiction to romance and "love" that is really a form of excitement. Anyone in recovery would benefit from this and from Pia's clinical workshops. Culture and society trains people to seek love and security and self-worth through a romantic partnership. Within sound and grounded thinking this is a complement to a full life. But all addiction is an ultimate highway to chaos and self-destruction. Tuning out and tuning into ourselves is the greatest gift we can do to heal the wounds and pain that anihilate our self-respect.

Love addiction is emotional cocaine. Stay away!
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38 of 43 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I just didn't know....., July 7, 2000
By 
jesse bartlett (orlando, fl United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
Holy Moley,
I just didn't know until I read this book. This book clearly illustrated to me just what I've been doing in relationships that get me into trouble. It doesn't stop there either.
While reading, I could begin to see the shroud of darkness lift from my eyes, and clarity begin to set in. I am a love addict, and have been picking avoidant addicts for years and never knew it. Now I can see the reasons for the pain I was forced to endure. I am now happily on the road to recovery.
If you have any questions at all about your troubled relationships of the present or past, buy this book!
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24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Personal Journal, November 6, 2013
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
I read Facing Love Addiction after reading Dr. Andy's excellent book How to Survive Loving a Narcissist (A Book About Narcissism) - Narcissism Book which was such a great resource for understanding how we become love addicted in a forthright and helpful manner.

Facing Love Addiction was an additional tool for understanding this vague concept. I personally had never heard of being addicted to love. The signs, the advice, and the things you learn about yourself while reading this book are truly remarkable. A personal journey where you actually come out a different person not only to yourself but to people around you is life-changing.

The words of the author, Pia Mellody, ring in my head as I encounter the different phases of a relationship - whether it be from an ex or someone I have recently met. She is really an expert and Facing Love Addiction provides a wealth of advice on self-empowerment and becoming the your best self.
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34 of 39 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BEST BOOK by Far on an Insidious Addiction, January 31, 2005
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
I learned that I was a love addict about 12 years ago. However, I did not truly find out what was behind my love addiction - the childhood trauma and abuse until I read 'Facing Love Addiction'. It is the ONLY book that I have read on love addiction that gives the reader necessary information on both sides of this addiction. For me, I needed to know why my former partner was the way he was and this book explains it perfectly. She shares explicitly of her own experiences which helped me immensely and she also adds humor to an addiction that is well beyond 'painful' in it's active state. After reading this book 3 times, I decided that I wanted to have the opportunity to work directly with Pia in her love addiction workshop at The Meadows. That was 4 years ago and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. This is a complicated, excrutiatingly painful addiction and yet I found that there was hope and I found the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a book that I recommend over and over and over to those people just awakening to the fact that they are most likely love addicts. Pia does not sugarcoat anything and yet at the same time shows the utmost of genuine caring because she has been there herself.....
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28 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Heal the Break-Up, Make-Up Cycle, February 20, 2002
By 
Barbara Rose (BornToInspire.com) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
We want to "get it right" but WHY do we keep messing up? HOW can we heal? This book has the insight & the answers. After an 18 month rollercoaster, the ride finally ended in healing self. THAT is the ONLY way to never repeat the toxic patterns that both thrill and agonize a person who loves another, but has deep rooted issues to heal. There is NO mistake about who "avoids" the relationship, and who "demands" more of it. The greatest parts of this book are the genuine sharing of the Authors, and the profound insight to HEAL, which transforms pain into hope; if not for a current or recently ended relationship, than for a future healthy one. Happiness is possible, healing is required. This groundbreaking book shows us how. THANK YOU!!
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Informative and precise on the cycle of love addiction, January 14, 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
For many, love addiction goes un-noticed for years, creating
unhappy relationships of a push me-pull me type of cycle.
This book describes the stages of the cycles clearly. The
author describes the love addict and the avoidence addict
and their emotional cycles, then offers the steps necessary
for recovery. This book has helped many of my clients to
identify their patterns and move forward. I highly recommend this book. Gail Fo
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22 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Just when I needed it!, May 28, 2001
By 
This review is from: Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Paperback)
I was drawn to this book in the store just at a point when I had been abandoned by someone who I felt very attached to. I just couldn't stop obsessing with the thoughts about how we were going to eventually get back together. But I knew this was not healthy behavior and wanted to do something about it. This book and the information conveyed helped me see the destructive patterns I was engaged in with this guy and my contribution to my own unhealthy behavior. Furthermore, it described his and my behaviors to a tee, and explained why he/I had acted the way he/I did and the cycle and circle we were drawn to, the codependence and the fears that motivated us to be drawn to each other to attempt to heal those fears (each had the same fears, ultimately). I hope someday that he reads this book or finds out what this book has taught me about why I was drawn to find knights in shining armor, and he was drawn to the nurturing female. If we had been aware of these behaviors during our relationship, it might have even worked since as Mellody explains, even just one partner getting healthy can change everything. If you are a "romantic", but something is not working to keep you in love, then this book may provide some answers for you.
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Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love
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