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A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix

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This is perhaps Edwin Friedman's magnum opus -- or would have been, had he lived to see this to completion. Building on his earlier work in Generation to Generation and on a multitude of conversations he had been involved in since the publication of that work in 1985, Friedman was working on this book on leadership at the time of his death in 1996. Friedman's wife worked with several of his colleagues to bring the manuscript to print -- at least, the 300+ pages that Friedman had written by that point. The first five chapters are thorough; the latter five chapters are somewhat more sketchy; but there is enough material here that the interested reader can get a pretty good glimpse of where Friedman was headed.

Friedman's thesis: there is a "failure of nerve" in American civilization today. "There exists," he says, "throughout America today a rampant sabotaging of leaders who try to stand tall amidst the raging anxiety-storms of our time. It is a highly reactive atmosphere pervading all the institutions of our society -- a regressive mood that contaminates the decision-making processes of government and corporations at the highest level, and, on the local level, seeps down into the deliberations of neighborhood church, synagogue, hospital, library, and school boards." This reactivity leads to what he calls a "leadership-toxic climate" that makes it exceptionally difficult for clear, decisive, well-defined leadership to function effectively. The book, he says, "is about leadership in the land of the quick fix, about leadership in a society so reactive that it cannot choose leaders who might calm its anxiety."

Reflecting on his learnings since writing Generation to Generation, Friedman says that he came to see that "resistance" is "part and parcel of the systemic process of leadership." He writes, "Sabotage, I began to realize, is not merely something to be avoided or wished away; instead, it comes with the territory of leading, whether the 'territory' is a family or an organization. And a leader's capacity to recognize sabotage for what it is -- that is, a systemic phenomenon connected to the shifting balances in the emotional processes of a relationship system and not to the institution's specific issues, make-up, or goals -- is the key to the kingdom."

In talking about what a "well-differentiated leader" looks like, Friedman says that he does not mean "someone who autocratically tells others what to do or coercively orders them around, although any leader who defines him- or herself clearly may be perceived that way by those who are not taking responsibility for their own emotional being and destiny. Rather, I mean someone who has clarity about his or her life goals, and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about. I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected, and therefore can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence. I mean someone who can manage his or her own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others, and therefore be able to take stands at the risk of displeasing." He similarly talks about how leaders "function as the immune systems of their institutions." "The crucial issue of leadership in democratic societies may not be how much power they exercise but how well their presence has been able to preserve that society's integrity."

In the first chapter, "Imaginative Gridlock and the Spirit of Adventure," Friedman talks about the "quantum leap" forward that occurred around the year 1500 as enterprising leaders moved Western civilization out of "imaginative gridlock" through their self-differentiated leadership. These leaders shared five characteristics: a capacity to get outside the emotional climate of the day; a willingness to be exposed, that is, vulnerable; persistence in the face of resistance and downright rejection; stamina in the face of sabotage along the way; and a perception (by others with less resolve) as being "headstrong" and "ruthless." Friedman retells the story of Christopher Columbus from this vantage point (and, in the process, "rescues" Columbus from the bashing that he has received in recent years, making him appear significantly more interesting than most of us perceive him to be).

The second chapter, "The Nationalization of a Neurosis: Society in Regression," talks about the how, at the end of the 20th century, our society is stuck in "imaginative gridlock" in ways similar to that of medieval Europe at the end of the 15th century, and how we desperately need leaders with "a bold sense of adventure" to help us move to a new plane. Friedman describes our society, at present, as "chronically anxious," featuring five distinguishing characteristics: reactivity, hearding, blame displacement, a quick-fix mentality, and a lack of well-differentiated leadership.

The next three chapters ("Data Junkyards and Data Junkies: The Fallacy of Expertise"; "Survival in a Hostile Environment: The Fallacy of Empathy"; and "Autocracy vs. Integrity: The Fallicies of Self") all describe the ways in which Friedman sees leaders engaging in behaviors that lead in a direction other than self-differentiated leadership that can help our society move past our emotional gridlock. I found the chapter on empathy to be particularly compelling, particularly his analysis of the origins of the concept of "empathy" (he argues that it's only been since World War II that empathy has become part of common parlance) and the ways in which empathy is symptomatic, in his opinion, of the herding/togetherness force characteristic of societal anxiety. "Ultimately," he argues, "societies, families, and organizations are able to evolve out of a state of regression not because their leaders 'feel' for or 'understand' their followers, but because their leaders are able, by their well-defined presence, to regulate the systemic anxiety in the relationship system they are leading and to inhibit the invasiveness of those factions which would preempt its agenda. After that, they can afford to be empathic."

The last five chapters of the book ("Take Five"; "Emotional Triangles"; "The Power of Presence"; "Crisis and Sabotage: The Keys to the Kingdom"; and "The Presence of the Past") all build on the first five chapters. They outline -- in brief -- what self-differentiated leadership actually looks like, in practice. Unfortunately, these chapters are nowhere near as developed as the first five; all together, they comprise about only 20% of the book. But there is enough material here, combined with hints from the first part of the book, to make it clear where Friedman is headed. The section on sabotage is particularly helpful. Friedman identifies two different kinds of crises leaders face. The first has little to do with the leader's own functioning and is brought on by an outside source (such as a health crisis). The second type of crisis is "precipitated by the leader's own leadership -- that is, not his or her failures or incompetence but his or her success at self-differentiation." In other words, sabotoge is "part and parcel of the leadership process itself." Self-differentiation triggers reactivity. "The tendency of any leader when faced with this kind of crisis is to cease doing all that which had gone into differentiation. This is the moment when the adaptation pattern is likely to reverse itself and go in the direction of the most dependent and scared. This is the moment when a leader is most likely to have a failure of nerve. This is the moment when the leader will find it tempting to seek a quick fix." "A leader can never assume success because he or she has brought about a change. It is only after having first brought about a change and then subsequently refrained from changing back in order to calm down the resulting reactivity that the leader can feel truly successful."

On the whole, I found this book to be deeply profound. My penciled-in noted on the margins attest to the insights I found myself coming to as I worked through the book. This is a totally comprehensive view of leadership, a "lens" from which I now find myself filtering just about everything else I read on the subject of leadership. I would suggest that the mere process of working through this book (and it does, indeed, feel something like a "workbook") helps leaders to become more self-differentiated, to have a clearer understanding of their task and purpose (or, perhaps more accurately, presence), and to raise their level of courage and stamina. At least, that's what it did for me.

[A side note: This review is based on the original edition of the book, published through the Edwin Friedman Estate. The book has recently (2007) been published in a more traditional book-like form, with, I understand, some editorial modifications to make it less repetitive and a bit more accessible. I have not compared the two different editions myself, however.]

All in all, an incredibly important book -- one of the most significant, life-enriching books I've ever read. After soaking in this material, you will not be the same. You just might be . . . a more effective leader.

This book provides a great application of Bowen family systems theory on a macro level. Having some basic understanding of family systems theory is helpful, but not absolutely necessary, in understanding the concepts of this book. Friedman applies family systems ideas to leadership in ways that will make you think differently about what makes an effective leader (whether it be a President or a parent or any leader in between). For those, like me, who use family systems on a micro level in psychotherapy to help individuals and families function better, seeing how these same family system ideas can also be applied to the "big picture" is eye opening. Friedman's writing style is clear and enjoyable. As a framework to explain his theories on leadership, Friedman uses the cultural mindset that existed in Europe at the time explorers were proposing to set out across the Atlantic to seek new trade routes to Asia. This framework may seem odd and out of place, but is in fact a clever and captivating means for Friedman to explain his theories effectively. The editors of this book also deserve praise in how they astutely updated and stayed true to this unfinished work by Friedman. Whether you are a leader looking for new ideas to become more effective in what you do or simply a person who is just interested in leadership as a cultural concept, this book will inspire you to think differently and question conventional wisdom.

Note: This review originally appeared as a "You Be the Critic" column in the Rochester NY Democrat & Chronicle, 5/8/07:


In 20 years of coaching executives, I've read scores of books on leadership. I continue to return to Edwin Friedman as the most insightful, realistic analyst of the dynamics that occur in the emotional soup we call the workplace.

This book is not for the faint of heart. As the title implies, the antidote to a failure of nerve is courage. Courage becomes necessary once a leader begins to shift his/her own participation in the brokenness of the organization - e.g., to finally address a performance issue with a key employee. With this commitment to decisive, mature action, reactions are inevitable. Thus the need for courage: to persist in the face of those reactions.

Leaders will discover keys to recognize the emotionality that contaminates all decision-making processes, and what is required to provide clear, decisive, well-defined action. Friedman offers a treasure trove of tools, concepts and principles (e.g., five characteristics of a highly anxious system) to help leaders diagnose complex situations and to determine what is helpful and what is harmful.

Perhaps his most crucial contribution is the insistence that the leader focus on self: that is, in order to create transformation in a system, the leader needs to identify his/her participation in the present dynamic, and focus on altering his/her own role. Again, courage is a requirement here, but thankfully, focus on self diminishes the stress inherent in attempting to change others.

While the later chapters are sketchy (Friedman died before completing the text), they hold intriguing snippets - insights into the workings of our organizations and the challenges of leadership.

As with his other writings (e.g., "Friedman's Fables"), his insights are universal, and leaders will find application as much to their personal/family systems as to their work. His witty style punctuates "heavy" insight with a human and humorous twist that gives the challenges a pleasing flavor.


Frank Staropoli
President, Staropoli Consulting, Inc.

Rabbi Ed Friedman was a groundbreaking scholar in applying Bowen Family Systems Theory to religious worshiping communities (churches and synagogues). "A Failure of Nerve" was to be the capstone of his lifetime work in leading congregations (as a rabbi), consulting congregations and businesses, community relations, teaching, and writing. Sadly, Ed Friedman died before he could finish "A Failure of Nerve." However, his children and colleagues collaborated in bringing this work to publication anyway--publishing the material Friedman had already written and turning his remaining notes into narrative. The result is a stinging critique of our American leader-crushing culture and a call-to-arms for leaders to transform our culture.

The first part of "A Failure of Nerve" provides an analysis of leadership--how leaders come into being, their mindset, their makeup, and the challenges they face. He heavily emphasizes the leader's thirst for adventure and their high regard for curiosity. He argues that the adventure-and-curiosity values of (primarily) Columbus, along with Luther, Calvin, Copernicus, Shakespeare, and others brought the world from Dark Ages to Renaissance. Were it not for Columbus et. al's leadership, sense of adventure, self-differentiated nature, and willingness to risk failure, the world would not quickly have gone from the highly-anxious leader-poor Dark Ages to the less-anxious leader-rich Renaissance. Unfortunately, Friedman argues, current western culture more resembles the Dark Ages than the Renaissance with regard to leadership.

Friedman argues that Western cultural values (e.g. the propensity to avoid leadership by immersing one's self in a sea of books and data; the fear of offending other people; the societal value of empathy; the fear of strong personalities, calling them narcissistic and autocratic instead of full of integrity and individuality) need to be challenged by some of the boldest of leaders so that more leaders can follow suit. He argues that the very thing that made the people of the Renaissance apt to become adventure-seeking heroes--rapid change--has now created so much instability that societal anxiety and undifferentiated persons run amok. The result is that potential leaders are sabotaged, worn down, and discouraged for ever attempting to lead in bold, new ways.

The solution, Friedman argues in the book's second part, is not simply less-anxious, highly-differentiated, highly-connected leadership...but also the steely backbone necessary to lead. Leaders in these ensuing generations need to stand up to the pressure to conform like no other generation of leaders; they will need to be bold, integrity-rich personalities in the face of opposition; they will have to stand firm and face weak less-differentiated opponents who somehow have claimed the moral high-ground. The result of this Columbus-like leadership may very-well be a new age of highly-differentiated leaders and a transformed American culture.

While this book does present excellent ideas, these ideas remain unrefined. Friedman's groundbreaking work, "Generation to Generation" was characterized by a playfulness and engagement with the reader that is absent in "A Failure of Nerve." The result is a darker, more pessimistic book. Further, the vast majority of this book defines the problem in modern America. The solutions--by far the more important part of the book--was left unfinished at Friedman's death and is thus much shorter and much less-developed. It was as if Friedman was building up to a crescendo...but then died before the apex of his thoughts. The reader is much poorer for this untimely death.

While inferior to "Generation to Generation," Friedman does provide many, many excellent points worthy of reading and digesting. While Friedman writes, "...I will be quite content if all I have succeeded in accomplishing is to supply this century's best candidate for book burning (28)," this book need not be burned. It should be discussed, taken to heart, and turned to often by those who have a strong desire to lead in their communities and countries...by those who have a vision for a possible future and are willing to risk their reputations, their fortunes, and their relationships for the good of others.

Although it is lacking in polish and development, the raw material is well, well worth a thorough read...or two...or three.

A Failure of Nerve presents a unique approach on leadership among the books I have read on the topic. Friedman concentrates on several themes throughout the book that combine lessons learned from decades of experience and research.

The themes include the necessity of a sense of adventure and the possession of courage in leaders, the importance of self-differentiation, focusing on strengths instead of catering to weaknesses, the destructive nature of relationship triangles and the challenges leaders face among followers.

He highlights some negative practices of leaders in our culture, mainly the over-dependence on data and information and the misplaced emphasis on emphathy over action.

In this book, readers will find practical, simple ways to improve leadership. This book will challenge some of the accepted practices of organizational leadership today and should open readers' eyes to necessities of effective leadership.

All of Friedman's themes are applicable to families, congregations, businesses, government, etc. This is an especially useful book for parents and pastors/rabbis.

The downside of the book is that it was published posthomously, so the last three chapters were collected by colleagues who also edited the book. The effect is that it is not as cogent and concise as it might have been if Friedman had lived long enough to complete the writing himself.

This is a dense book on leadership that is definitely worth the effort of reading, as it will change the way you lead and relate to others.

Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays

Edwin Friedman has given us a model of human leadership that combines the insight of the natural sciences with the wisdom of spirituality. If you think that the conformity of the consumer culture is bad for your health, you are right. If you have been wondering why our great democracy has produced such seemingly spineless leadership, this book will aid your understanding. As a reader who is also a leader, I was relieved to read that my problems were not pathological but only to be expected. This is good, validating stuff.

Ed Friedman is sorely missed but this particular volume is a fantastic tribute to his quality of thought. Drawing from history, medicine, politics, and his own 4 decade career as a rabbi and counselor, Ed's thoughts transform our understanding of leadership. His concept of "self" reminds every parent or president that knowing where you are is perhaps the single most important concern.

Thanks Ed, and thanks Bethesda

This is what one expects of Edwin Friedman if you have read Generation to Generation or are familiar with his work elsewhere. If this is your first experience of reading his insights, you might have to reread spots because there is much to think about. I was affirmed in my own understanding of leadership throughout each chapter. Leadership can no longer be seen as a top down, hierarchical directing of others. One must be within the system if one is going to influence it. Yet, one's own sense of self or self-differentiation is that which anchors one amidst the storms that will come. Good leadership will bring tension to the system and, as well, draw those who wish to sabotage growth, consciously or sub-consciously. Any group, as a living organism, tries to maintain the emotional balance of what has been experienced in the past. Anything or anyone that upsets that, a necessity for growth, is not seen as welcome. I would recommend this book to all who wish to reflect on their leadership. But be forewarned, there is a cost in knowing one's self and being honest. There are no quick fixes, just a new reality and paradigm of what it means to lead.

I started out wondering if this book would be too technical, but the way it was edited and structured, it soon became the best book on leadership I have ever read. It came at the subject from a totally fresh and new perspective- one that I had not thought of. When I finished it I thought, "This is so simple- why has everyone missed this view of leadership?"
Great book. How do we get it into the government's hands? They need it badly.

A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix is a new edition of the Rabbi Edwin H. Friedman's seminal treatise, as relevant today as when it was first published posthumously in 1999. A Failure of Nerve examines fallacies of emotional and intellectual thinking that can bedevil leaders of individual, group, and national efforts, including the fallacy of paying too much attention to raw accumulated data; the fallacy of allowing empathy for others' feelings (normally a positive quality) to corrupt logical reasoning or blind one's measured consideration of new ideas; and the importance of the expression of the self in a leader. A highly scholarly and academic perspective on common misperceptions and roadblocks to confronting difficult problems. "As with the treadmill effect, the concern with finding the right answer is both contributory to a fixed orientation and symptomatic of it. And yet the problem is emotional, not cerebral. Perpetually seeking new answers to established questions rather than reframing the basic question itself not only betrays lack of distance on the part of the searcher; it also prevents obtaining the distance necessary for being able to think, much less go, in new directions. Seeking answers can be its own treadmill. Changing the question enables one to step off." A seminal contribution to cognitive philosophy and leadership studies shelves.