It's Not Fair, Jeremy Spencer's Parents Let Him Stay up All Night!: A Guide to the Tougher Parts of Parenting [Paperback]

Anthony E. Wolf Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 30, 1996

Anthony Wolf’s groundbreaking book focuses on the most difficult challenges of parenting post-infant to pre-teen children—setting limits and making demands. Dr. Wolf covers all the class parenting problem areas: family disputes, including who’s in charge (Mom or Dad), sibling fights, and divorce; day-to-day issues such as bedtime, grumpiness, and public tantrums; and problems that might not be problems after all, like aggression, lying, and spoiling. Positive, loving, and, above all, effective, this guide offers parents what they want most: more time to enjoy their children.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Anthony Wolf addresses discipline and behavior problems, from the serious to the ridiculous, with a smart, sophisticated, and refreshing approach. His anecdotes ring so true that you are sure to hear your own voice—not to mention the voices of your children—in these pages." – Pamela Abrams, executive editor, Parents

"By far the best advice book for parents of young children that I have ever read." – Louise Bates Ames, associate director, Gesell Institute of Human Development

"Dr. Wolf presents a system of discipline and ways of dealing with complex parenting problems (complete with many useful anecdotes) that allow for consistency without demanding unrealistic rigidity of parents and children." – Bruce Raskin

Product Details

• Paperback: 264 pages
• Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (April 30, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0374524734
• ISBN-13: 978-0374524739
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #149,616 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The best parenting book I ever read, and I've read a LOT, December 9, 2002

By 

Maddi Hausmann Sojourner "madhaus" (Silicon Valley, CA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: It's Not Fair, Jeremy Spencer's Parents Let Him Stay up All Night!: A Guide to the Tougher Parts of Parenting (Paperback)

Without a doubt, this is the best book I have ever read on handling children. I've read all the classics, and each of them taught me little bits here and there, but this was the only book where every single chapter spoke to me. Not only is the advice terrific, but Wolf gives explanations for some behaviors that otherwise didn't make any sense.

Did you ever pick up the phone when your child was playing quietly? You know what happens, right? Your child suddenly needs your assistance THIS MINUTE and will make it impossible for you to have a conversation. The same thing happens if you get a visitor or run into someone when your child was otherwise perfectly happy. Anthony Wolf tells you why your child does this. And better yet, he tells you what you can do to STOP this!

While implementing his strategy takes some self-control, it is not difficult, and there isn't a lot to remember. The important thing is to be consistent and use his approach whenever you deal with tantrums or interruptions. He calls this approach Robo-Parent. When it's clear that the child is just trying to keep you hooked into an argument, you stop talking and remove the child to his room. At our house we just say "Goodbye." It's kind of like a time-out in that it resets everyone's mood, but there's no clock. The child can come back whenever he's ready to behave. Usually my kids just go to their room and come right back out. It's not a punishment.

In fact Wolf clearly disapproves of punishing children, because he says shaming and hurting is counter-productive. Think about an abusive boss you had and how eager you were to do your best with that behavior. That's how your kids feel too. This approach leads to better feelings for everyone.

Wolf has another book out called _Secrets of Parenting_ which is mostly taken from this book. Buy one or the other as there is a tremendous amount of overlap. Both are appropriate in handling children between 2 and 12; he has another book on dealing with teenagers.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life, September 18, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: It's Not Fair, Jeremy Spencer's Parents Let Him Stay up All Night!: A Guide to the Tougher Parts of Parenting (Paperback)

This book tought me how to parent better than any other book I have ever read. People always comment to me on how well behaved my kids are and its all due to Anthony Wolfe. Wolfe tells you in simple (and amusing) ways how to parent without punishment, bribes, or driving YOURSELF crazy! Now, if parenting without punishment sounds like being "soft", its not. I am a much tougher parent than most of the people I know. Wolfe has helped me learn to use my own "power" as a parent to get well behaved kids without threats or punishment. Everyone with kids under the age of 12 should read this book.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Revealing yourself through parenting, May 9, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: It's Not Fair, Jeremy Spencer's Parents Let Him Stay Up All Night!: A Guide to the Tougher Parts of Parenting (Hardcover)

I was turned onto this book by an educator/book specialist at my local ZanyBrainy, since she knew that I am a recent step-parent and want to parent correctly. Dr. Wolf not only pointed out to me through this wonderful text, the reasons behind the young one's sometimes difficult to understand behavior, but he pointed out to me the reasons why I behave the way I do in my reactions with my life partner. Never before have I stared at writing on a page and said without reservation, "that's me..." I am now more comfortable with my parenting decisions because I know how I am affecting these small people, for the rest of their lives. Even more I am now aware of how to handle myself in situations of confusion and frustration in my relationship. Thank you Dr. Wolf for helping me see me and feel good about helping raising children in the 90's